Monday, June 30, 2008

Black Like Me

the Negro is a sort of seventh son, born with a veil, and gifted with second-sight in this American world,—a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity.

-W.E.B. DuBois

You know I am this big ball of complication. I have this whole enlightened black woman feminiata side, then I have this whole pop your collar fashionista side, then I have this on my grind Career Woman Side, then I have this party til six in the morning party girl side, then I have this we need a revolution side, then I have this hoodrat side, then I have this the revolution will NOT be televised, but it will be streamed LIVE on the internet side, then I have this lets all live in harmony MLK side, but then I have this we didn’t land on Plymouth rock, Plymouth rock landed on us Malcolm side, then I have this I went to Mecca Malcolm side, then I have this what’s up on the next lace front side, then I have this time for me to sport my fro in public side, then I have this I want a pixie cut side, then I have this I want some chocolate brown layers with golden blond highlights side, then I have this happy to be nappy under this wig side, but I ALWAYS have this I LOVE my friends side, then I have this turn off the lights and phones and sit alone side, then I have this LIFE is happy side, then I have this LIFE is sad side, then I have this I wish a nicca would try ask me to cook dinner side, then I have this we’ve buried the word nicca side, then I have this nicca please side, then I have this we have more than earned the right to take the word meant to harm and use it however WE want side, BUT then I have this that thought it way to complicated and convoluted for half the people saying nicca to even get side, then I have this I want to cater to my man side, then I have this he bettah take care of me side, BUT I ALWAYS have this I can take care of ME side, then I have this bourgeoisie black Kennedy side (can I call that Obama now), but then I have this country girl I’m about to make some hot water cornbread and greens side, then I have this phuck the haters side, then I have this you should be more modest side, then I have this I’m a BIG FINE WOMAN Imma back my thang up side, then I have this Jesus Keep me near the cross side, then I have this I LOVE that nicca side, then I have this I am so done with him side, then I have this phuck all this shyt side, then I have this I can’t live without any of this shyt side, then I have this loving you is easy because you’re beautiful side , but then I have this loving you is a lot of hard work especially when I have to bring your baggage in my house side, then I have this my shyt is your shyt side, then I have this everything but the double stuff oreos THOSE are my shyt side, then I have this Oprah is wassup side, then I have this Tyra is wassup side,then I have this Beyonce is wassup side, then I have this Erykah Badu is wassup side, then I have this Maya Angelou is wassup side, then I have this Zane is wassup side, then I have this Toni Morrison is the woman side, but then I ALWAYS know I have this Toni Morrison is the TRUTH side, then I have this I wish rap wasn’t so misogynistic side, then I have this they ain’t talking about me side, then I have this get your mind right side, then I have this get your mind RIGHT side, then I have this grind hard side, then I have this play harder side, then I have this Ricial (thoughts of a Rice grad) side, then I have this country hick Baytown side, then I have this WHAT IT DO side, then I have this SATC (sex and the city) side, then I have this celibacy and the country side, then I have this I LOVE Duran Duran side, then I have this I love Duran Duran screwed and chopped up side (wouldn’t that be WILLLLLLLLLLLLLD!), then I have this high strung I must do everything right side, then I have this I don’t give a phuck side, then I have this I need to help my people and community grow side, then I have this I need to worry about me and mine side, then I have this switchin’ lanes gripping wood grain side, then I have this double dutch bus coming down the street side, then I have this Randy Travis was the bomb side, then I have this TI can get it side, then I have this who wants to settle down when there is so much to see side, then I have this sit your ol’ azz down and let the youngsters have their time side, then I have this make it better for the next generation side, then I have this make it better for ME side, then I have this going straight to hell for saying that side, then I have this your words were a true inspiration and straight from God side, then I have this it’s just words side, then I have this words hurt way more than sticks and stones side, then I have this hope for my people side, then I have this HOPE for myself side. THEN I REALIZE I am all those sides and a bag of chips… that’s me.

I realize that the sea of complication that churns inside of me and my black folks soul is no different than what W.E.B was talking about so many years ago in this same town I live in today. It is what it is and I am who I am and who I am and what I am is what it is to be BLACK. And it will always be what it is to be BLACK, at least black like me.

And I realized I shouldn’t waste my time trying to define who I am and what I do. I should spend my time trying to move forward and if I can get enough momentum and inertia going, my Forward motion (some pun intended for those who know me) will propel others to move forward and they will propel others and THAT, that will be my legacy.

Be EZ,

Saturday, June 28, 2008


No place like it. I'm coming home for the 4th and you ALREADY know!! This is what makes me a walking, talking oxymoron! The multiple soul individual that W.E.B wrote about!! The Negro!!


I mean that's the only way I can explain my LOVE for lack of a better term, hoodrat things.I am conflicted by it some days. I mean sure I should be discussing enlightened things, uplifting things, but I handle my business so i think I deserve to get THROWED!! Y'all have a good one

Be EZ,

Friday, June 27, 2008

Mirror Gazing

When I look in the mirror I am uncomfortable. Not because of what I see, but because of who I am. No I'm good. I'm so at one and at peace with who I am as a person, the good, bad, and slutty of me. When I say I am uncomfortable I mean in my natural thought process paying attention to myself is not comfortable. It's only something I have realized and been able to put in to words since I have been working on paying attention to myself, oh the irony of that. Something else that I am not comfortable with putting my feeling into words, well at least the hard ones. Feelings are different than opinions I put opinions out into the blogsspere ALL DAY. However talking about my feelings especially the ones that matter, much harder for me. You see tending to other people, helping other people, making other people laugh, making others happy (even at my own happiness's expense) that's my comfort zone. I think when I was younger I was so much that way (something that is perceived as great trait) it was my fatal flaw. However, these days I'm finding the balance.

My old thought patterns use to be if I told someone I'd be there I'd be there even if my arm was hanging by its skin. These days I have learned in social situations its okay when shyt comes up or to simply just change your mind, it's a social situation. I have to think in my later years I have unwound significantly. I am much more free. Easier. I have to thank my BFF for that. She is easy, she has the ability to chill and her temperament is one i envy. She is easy like a Sunday morning. Very hard to rattle one way or another. Me, I usta be easy like a Monday morning at rush hour. These days I'm way more laid back than I was when we met 10 years ago.

I guess I usta see self anything as selfish. These days I realize that you have to take care of you in order to take care of others. I still don't look in the mirror often, usually only when I'm in the bathroom or when I get ready for work. I may even stop by and look at a mirror or a window when I pass one, something I never really thought to do years ago.

I like this new balance, no I love it. I also feel the peace that balance brings me. It really helps to not only know who you are but be able to put that in words. Helps with communication and growth. And I love growth. I love evolution. I love change. It's fun to watch and reflect on my changes in the last 10, 15, 20 years. I'm happy gazing in the mirror. I mean I wasn't sad before, so I guess I should say today's mirror gazing, whether it's literal or figurative, is extremely comfortable to me. Have a good weekend.

Be EZ,

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Random Thoughts!

Today is just a day for a random blog full of random azz questions and thoughts that are in my mind.

I have never realized my PURE dependency on AC until now. Boston gets hot but not any extend amount of time so because of that lots of places are not air conditioned, like my apartment! You know the ALL BRICK brownstone I live in. I did buy a window unit, but we Texans are really spoiled. We hardly ever truly experience the heat. It’s just basically running from one building with conditioned air to another one. Try riding the bus and getting around by foot. I must admit I would never even contemplate attempting this lifestyle in the south.

Man solid brick on a hot day is like an OVEN. My friend Buschick asked me in college why houses in the H are only brick fa├žade. I never knew… well NOW I KNOW!!

I already miss basketball. I mean baseball is ok, but I don’t have the attention span for it that I did in my younger years. I'm ready for some FOOTBALL

Hancock. Who’s going to see Big Willie on Big Willie weekend? I just entered myself in a drawing for some free sneak preview passes. I love Will Smith and he really is the biggest box office star, if you ask me he is BIGGER than Tom Cruise, PUN INTENDED.

Can I say I am SO GLAD I ride the bus and live in a metro-city like Boston right now while gas is SO HIGH? Well I’m saying it! This had to be the MOST PERFECTLY timed job I have ever had in my life!

So since I’m up here I am really thinking about extending my stay and applying to Harvard or MIT to get my MBA. Thoughts? First I need to be disciplined enough to study for and take the GMAT. I don’t know my school legs may be gone… gone… gone… forever.

The biggest contributions that Jessica Simpson has made to this world, and ever will make, are her expertly designed shoes and handbags. That will be the only Jessica Simpson you EVER see this glamazon copping! Did I see Dukes of what?

I miss Houston the most right before I come home. I just get mad anxious.

I think I might start training like a boxer again found this today The two best work-out plans I have ever been on and enjoyed the most were when I trained with this guy named Sal in his ultimate fighting gym and when I trained with Houston SWAT team. My friends will tell you I LOVED both of those. I got up at 4:30 am 3 days a week to do SWAT and I ain’t a morning person. For some reason my body responds best to and I love extreme training. I blame it on my dad for running me like a Marine with the Rots for Jr. High basketball. Our team didn’t warrant all that mad woman training. *lol* Training hard like that does give me like this supped up high!! HOOOOORAH

I usta have a PT who was always trying to get me to like go full out because of my muscle mass he was all if you just trained super hard you could win your weight class for body building easy. Ehhh I like Big Macs more, I guess. Actually I like chocolate frosting and cookie dough more than oiling up with spam and losing all my body fat. I like my body fat it’s in the right places well… most of it is…no all of it is…just too much in some places.

I need to go to Chinatown and see if I can find me a hot new purse. I’m not really a label popper but I had the glorious fake Gucci that I loved. It got stolen- BASTARDS. It wasn’t about the label it was about the design and it being a perfect bag for when I wanted to carry a brown handbag.

I’m a single black female addicted to retail. Knowing is half the battle.

I have a soldier. *lol* Just wanted to say that. Soldiers are not thugs contrary to popular belief they are men. I mean the problem is everybody out there saying they are men aren’t, lots are boys. I usta need a soldier. Now I got a soldier. Barack is a soldier. Al and Jessie they ain’t soldiers.

Swaaaaaaaaaaager ain’t nothing sexier!

You know Chris Rock asked “What 75 year old black man trusts white people?” So why was Jeremiah Wright such a scandal? Well the first time. The second time that was something that really was between him and B, we just happen to be party to it. Anyway…proof no one is really paying attention to what we do, think, or feel.

My friend wants me to plan a couples vacation for the framily. Any recommendations on places we can travel for a reasonable price? I’m thinking we might use this site and rent a villa somewhere. Who knows when.

Why do I enjoy so many social hoodrat things? Does that make me a bustit baby? Can someone get me the definition on that? ( I know what it is, just making a point) Does my question signal that I have outgrown Hip Hop.

I never thought there would be easy listening hip hop and the new stuff. But hip hop is that old. now, it's like Rock. The stuff I listen to is like listening to the Beatles or the Stones. That son, cracks me up. Hip Hop classics that's wassup!!

I would NOT trade my life with anyone, not even to lose these 35 year old metabolism lbs that are packed on my azz right now. Its true you gotta do a lot more to maintain and even more to lose the older you get. It's still cool, I've just lost step in response time, you know like Michael when he performed and did that spin with NSYNC. He was not the MJ of Thriller days gone by. Well neither is my metabolism

Youth is WASTED on the young and 30 is the new 30! And 35 well I think it’s PIMPALICOUS

Black men are the best!! They are also the worst (ok… not the best) that’s why black women are so conflicted. It is true; I really don’t want to look across the line (of color) for another mate. We got the best men, the KINGS. DAMN YOU!! We love you, but we hate you at the same damn time. I am SO IN LOVE with A black man right now, but say this as a move in solidarity for my sisters that aren't, someone please key up the music “It’s a thin line….”

Ok I’m done with these complete random thoughts I just wanted to say something today!! You know wave at the blogsphere, so to speak!!

Be EZ,

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Teenage Girl Shyt

Ok indulge me today. I love this Bey song, actually I feel this song in my heart. I love the words Des'Ree wrote but I really love the extra Bey added because the capture how I feel. These lines especially, You're my father/you're my soldier/you protect me, boy you save me/you're my best friend/ you're my husband/you are my doctor, counselor,/provider, professor, my everything I don't think I have ever felt that way about a man as much as I do now, which is sad considering I'm divorced. Sometimes I wish I would have understood how serious my decision to get married was when I made it. (AB4AD)

Now being a Bey fan I know this song was for Jay in response to how he openly talked about how he felt like his girl seemed to love her music more than him in a few songs and even some interviews. That's why there is the line I love you more than music. You think I could change that to I love you more than business analysis? I know, too bad I have such an UNGLAMOUROUS career!! I do love him more than writing though, does that count?

Anyway I have included videos and lyrics to both songs to pay homage to the original writer Des'Ree. I know this post is entirely teenage girl shyt!

But yesterday my girl asked me to tell her when I knew I was in love seeing as I fought it tooth and nail. While that story is one a little too personal, for even me, to share with the world [wide web]. These lyrics do definitely capture how I feel. I must admit I struggle with feeling this vulnerable and sappy, but hey it is what it is. Enjoy!! To me just being able to feel this way is enough I don't need anything more.

Des' Ree's original song

Pride can stand a thousand trials,
the strong will never fall
But watching stars without you,
my soul cried.
Heaving heart is full of pain,
oh, oh, the aching.
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.
I'm kissing you, oh.
Touch me deep, pure and true,
gift to me forever
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.
I'm kissing you, oh.
Where are you now?
Where are you now?
'Cause I'm kissing you.
I'm kissing you, oh.

Bey's version

I'm so in love
I'm still in love

I've never been in love quite before
until I saw your face
and watching stars without you
my soul cries
my hething heart
is full of pain
when we're apart
the aching

I'm kissing you
I'm kissing you

You're my father
you're my soldier
you protect me, boy you save me
you're my best friend
you're my husband
you are my doctor, counselor,
provider, professor, my everything

And I love you, I love you, I love you, yes I love you
I need you, I need you, I need you, I can't live without you
I trust you, I trust you, with every ounce of me
Just teach me, boy teach me, just take me

When we make love I can feel all your spirits
deep inside of me
Baby you're so pure

I'm Kissing you forever, and ever, and ever
I love Kissing you (kissing you, kissing you)

Boy I love everything about you baby
it's been so many years since we fell in love
we got something special baby
we can cry together
we can grow together
be ourselves together
and I love you more than music
yes I love you more than music

I rather be kissing you, oh
I'm kissing you oh (kissing you, kissing you)

In my soundtrack of my life I think I will have to add this song, it is now and will always beone of my love songs!

Be EZ,

Monday, June 23, 2008

Just A Thought

I am sure most of my readers have read and seen this and discussed this, but before you try to define what black is who is black enough and what black should be. Before we discuss what is black beauty. Reading this is part of my reason I try to see that black is black, however I need you to do something for me, I need you to remember.

Remember. I need you to remember what you learned about when we came here on that big boat chained to one another dying by the millions. We were a STRONG RACE. A RACE of people who while we lost millions in the passage, we managed to survive. While we were enslaved inhumanely and treated as less than a man, we managed to survive. While we were treated as second class citizens in a land that we were almost as indigenous to as the Native American (AB4AN), we managed to survive and even some what thrive. But for some reason it seems we DID NOT manage to survive this, Willie Lynch's letters to the slave owners, or the perpetual distrust for each other that his tactics did indeed create.


I greet you here on the bank of the James River in the year of our lord, one thousand seven hundred and twelve. First , I shall thank you, the gentlemen of the of the colony of Virginia, for bringing me here. I am here to help you solve some of your problems with slaves. Your invitation reached me in my modest plantation in the West Indies where I have experimented with some of the newest and still the oldest method for control of slaves. Ancient Rome would envy us if my program is implemented. As our boat sailed south on the James River, named for our illustrious KING JAMES, whose BIBLE we CHERISH, I saw enough to know that our problem is not unique. While Rome used cords or wood as crosses for standing human bodies along the old highways in great numbers, you are here using the tree and the rope on occasion.

I caught the whiff of a dead slave hanging from a tree a couple of miles back. You are losing valuable stock by hangings, you are having uprisings, slaves are running away, your crops are sometimes left in the fields too long for maximum profit, you suffer occasional fires, your animals are killed, Gentleman,...You know what your problems are; I do not need to elaborate. I am not here to enumerate your problems, I am here to introduce you to a method of solving them.

In my bag, I have a fool proof method for controlling your slaves. I guarantee everyone of you that if installed it will control the slaves for at least three hundred years. My method is simple, any member of your family or any OVERSEER can use it.

I have outlined a number of differences among the slaves, and I take these differences and make them bigger. I use FEAR, DISTRUST, and ENVY for control purposes. These methods have worked on my modest plantation in the West Indies, and it will work throughout the SOUTH. Take this simple little list of differences and think about them. On the top of my list is "AGE" but it is only there because it starts with an "A"; The second is"COLOR" or shade; there is INTELLIGENCE, SIZE, SEX, SIZE OF PLANTATION, ATTITUDE of owner, whether the slaves live in the valley, on a hill, east or west, north, south, have fine or coarse hair, or is tall or short. Now that you have a list of differences, I shall give you an outline of action- but before that, I shall assure you that DISTRUST IS STRONGER THAN TRUST, AND ENVY IS STRONGER THAN ADULATION, RESPECT OR ADMIRATION.

The black slave, after receiving this indoctrination, shall carry on and will become self-refueling and self-generating for hundreds of years, maybe thousands.

Don't forget you must pitch the old black VS. the young black males, and the young black male against the old black male. You must use the dark skinned slaves VS. the light skin slaves. You must use the female VS the male, and the male VS, the female. You must always have your servants and OVERSEERS distrust all blacks, but it is necessary that your slaves trust and depend on us.

Gentlemen, these kits are your keys to control, use them. Never miss an opportunity. My plan is guaranteed, and the good thing about this plan is that if used intensely for one year the slave will remain perpetually distrustful.


Be EZ,

On Beauty

I've written about beauty before, but it’s been a while. Well more importantly I have written about how unrealistic the West's beauty standards are for women and black women in particularly. However the other day when I commented on a blog I realized there is a dichotomy of black women and how they absorb or are affected by beauty. Actually it’s probably more than a dichotomy, like many things black we, with in our black folk soul, internalize what the majority is and isn’t doing differently.

Not every black woman who puts a contact in her eye or a track in her head hates the fact that she is black. You see there are some black women who have an advantage over many women who love beauty and fashion. Because of the Diaspora we are everywhere and because of the miscegenation we are every shade, we have every hair texture and every hair color. There are black women who have blue eyes when they are born and their skin is tawny sometimes even brown and somewhere maybe even black. There are black women who have blonde hair. There are black women who have a head full of natural kinks that are long maybe not flowing and many who have a head of locks down to their butts.

I think in this day of the conscious soul many black women see through the beauty industry and don't let it define them. They make their own choices. Sadly there are still plenty of black girls who think white is better and chose white dolls, but I think more black women have negative thoughts of white women. We have long been ostracized from main stream beauty, but often been who designers look to for fashion trends. When hats were standard fare you would find some of the fliest hats on sisters or the way our grandmothers and great grandmother were able to sew clothes that were well beyond what was available on department store racks, the mixing of the motherland and our new land makes our style and taste often cutting edge, especially when you sprinkle a little “make-do” in there. Maybe it the years of regal-ness before the journey to the Americas, maybe it’s the fact that we didn't want to look to an industry that excluded us, or maybe it’s the fact that we have artisan in our blood. We come from a land rich in natural resources and we often used those natural resources to adorn our bodies. Whatever the reason, it is black women that have defined a beauty standard of their own whether mainstream media recognizes it or not.

Sure there is an archetype for the kinda of black woman that mainstream beauty finds to be beautiful the tan skinned, curly haired, light eyed "kinda" black, but with in the community the brown skinned, relax haired, big hipped, and round bottom sister enjoys just as much adoration. The Angela Bassetts to the Nicole Richies so to speak. The tall strong athletic track stars find their glory too. The zaftig and soft women find the glory. The curvy pixies find their glory. The Angela Davises and the Angie Stones, who presentlyis sporting straightened hair, find their glory. The Glamazons, we too find our glory. I have to say within the black community by our men we all are appreciated, its more so with each other that sometimes we have a problem in seeing the beauty of the women who do not look like us. It's sad when I see natural women dog women who relax or women who relax dog women who dare to add length and thickness. Or women who wear wigs scoff at women who go barely there. The reality is I think it’s all beautiful and it’s all black. Not assimilating or wanting to be something we aren’t, the truth is we are just as much Beyonce as we are Jill Scott. That is what makes black SO BEAUTIFUL to me there are endless possibilities of what it is to be black. And they are all something to be celebrated. I really am hoping that is how the Italian Vogue issue will celebrate it. (Thanks again for this heads up Big Man)

I think many black women like myself, explore beauty. I understand as a black woman I, unlike any other women outside the black culture, have the options to be beautiful in unlimited ways. You don't believe me? Put a white beauty in a Kente cloth robe, head dress, and locks, but how many black women have you seen rocking long blonde hair, and "what's hot" on the most European of runways and thought she looks GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. Sure there are some hot messes but there are also a lot of fashion trends that start from the juxtaposition of African features slammed into European ones.

I know that I enjoy my versatility this chameleon-like ability to be able to wear many textures of hair and most colors. The ability to wear heavy make-up or none at all, with no questions of sickness* is something not every woman has. Either they look like a trollop or they look like a ghost I understand that to many the attachment to fake things seems like a psychosis of self-hatred the inability to be REAL. But really, one’s REALNESS has to do with authenticity to his/her self which is more than the acceptance of ones outward presentation. I have meet some of the realest women sporting what would seem a vein refection of themselves, doll faced and relaxed tresses, while I have met a few dashiki wearing natural quaffed women who didn’t bit more get it than Paris Hilton, believing the rejection of what they believe to be a white standard to be enough to help the struggle . I won’t even go into the black girls that don’t perm their hair but try to wear it like the white girls because they believe by perming it they would then admit to their BLACKNESS (sometimes it is ignorance like the black girl I knew raised by white folks…AB4AD**)

Actually the ability to change based on how I feel, to me is freedom. You can not define me and my beauty. I can be dirty blonde, a braided queen, a Bantu bandit, a blunt banged geisha, Farah winged angel, and well to be honest depending on my mood I have been all and will continue to be all. I celebrate the many faces and choices that we have as black women, although I wish it was not just in beauty, however that is a woman’s issue. And unlike the Hillaryites I understand it is something all women should fight and a stigma some are fighting.

This beauty thing is not that complicated anymore we have all become wise to the Madison Ave machine pushing images in our faces. The self-hatred thing is not that rampant today. I worry more about our young girls embracing these highly sexualized looks that we see often put into our media by black men and black TV. That more than anything takes us back to what started the myth of a highly sexualized black female slave…the breeder... the baby maker…white man's concubine. There's nothing with being sexy, but there is a time and place. I pray that as the Michelle Obamas, Oprah Winfreys, and Maya Angelous of our world continue to garner respect and girls raised on Shake It Fast will realize that is NOT their only option as a black girl with a big azz. I think we really should be discussing this more than white beauty standard, because I think as a whole, black women, have rejected those standards and what we see are black women doing what they think looks good to them.
It’s no more obvious than when we look at weight, while Hollywood thinks a size less than zero is hot we don’t see black women running in droves to get that thin or be that thin. We mostly see them shaking there heads at these women who are obsessed and ruled by a few extra pounds. There is no culture that is clearer on sexiness and desirableness coming from the inside and not what’s on the out. In Texas there are plenty of BIG girls not threatened by the fact they can’t even buy an ankle bracelet out of Vogue or Cosmo, rocking shyt Lagerfeld would love to put on the runway.

Madame CJ Walker didn't create a relaxer to look white she created it for maintenance and in today’s world I hope it has become more of a tool of variety and not assimilation. Even today a relaxed head of black hair does NOT look like European hair at all and if cared for properly offers lots of options. I am just glad that I have the option not to relax my hair and while some places aren’t ready for me to sport my fro to work I think it is only a matter of time. Sure there are issues in corporate America, but for the most part braids and locks are accepted form of hair for women, hell I’ve even seen a beautifully full fro or two sitting on top of business attire. As long as they follow the basic rules of corporate America and when it’s denied there has been legal precedent set for these women (and men) to wear their hair as they please. And don't start with that’s what I'm talking about argument on the allowed colors, because white folks with pink hair and mohawks are not running corporations any more than blacks with green and magenta hair (even though berry is dangerously close. ONLY we can wear that color and not be considered out of line.)

I think as long as we as black women don't reject our image when we wake up in the morning we are fine. Actually I think as long as women we don’t reject our image, the ability to say I love me like this, it is a struggle ALL WOMEN- NO ALL PEOPLE have. It is almost part of some human psyche to always point out what’s bad as opposed to what’s good, the pessimistic soul who wallows in what they are not and how things must be better on the other side. Let me tell you, for all the fences I have crossed to get to a greener grass most of the time upon close inspection the grass is not only no more greener, its some time a shade of two worse than the grass I left.
However I realize that some of us don't like ourselves, but that hatred, to me, is more insecurity and less hatred, but I can't speak for everyone. I think self-hatred has far more to do with your personality type than it does with your socialization, I think many of those who suffer from this would have hated ourselves just as much, for different reasons of course, had we been born another race, gender or class. I think that Lil’ Kim and whatever is going on with the plastic surgery would exist whether she was black or not, she would just be that cat lady, you know the one who has had 50 thousands operations. Same thing with Michael his hatred of who he was would still exist in some other kind of way, I am almost sure. I think we do more harm judging women that enjoy fashion and beauty than we do trying to enlighten them. We shouldn't assume self-hatred; I mean that just buys in the assumption that we think only one construct of beauty exist. We all know there are several. I think Nicole Kidman is pretty but I also think that Alec Wek has it going on, me thinking they both are beautiful women doesn’t take beauty from either one. I think that skinny boy framed women like Kate Moss are great and have options but there is room for the Serenas of the world and we already KNOW there is room for the Toccaras and Latifahs.

We sometimes have this thing to look down upon someone as if our truth is theirs, and they need to be delivered because they are plugged into the matrix, when in reality us identifying in this hierarchy of enlightenment because of choice of beauty is the biggest design of the system. The divide and conquer mentality that has existed amongst us across so many lines. To me I enjoy all affectation of black beauty weather they be traditional motherland or Eurocentric based (after all ain’t nobody in black America 100% pure Zulu Masi unless they just stepped off he boat). I believe to each his own and you can’t judge a book by its cover and beauty is not only skin deep. Being beautiful has more to do with the inside than out anyway, well real beauty that is. Some of the most beautiful people in my life are not beautiful by many beauty standards black or white. But their souls create a creature so beautiful you could not truly describe their beauty with mere words.

I guess lately I just have read slights and digs some subtle and some not subtle, here and there about women who don’t chose to embrace or exude this new standard of realness. When to me I am proud of it. I am proud that we now have a myriad of options as black women. Instead of celebrating I see a lot of questioning when in reality who you present yourself to be is a personal choice that reflects so many things that it would take days to deconstruct and really understand. Erykah Badu is not Badu because of what’s on the outside. India Arie is not her hair that is true but she could say that even with hair down her back I believe because she is not, not because of the baldy she was sporting. It seems being ok with who you are isn’t enough we must be bald faded, afroed, locked, or twisted to some people to prove we indeed enjoy our blackness. It’s all in the eye of the beholder anyway. And I like to look in the mirror and behold the many types of beauty I can see in me, doesn't mean I hate myself it means I understand my possibilities. Do you understand yours? That’s the real question.

Be EZ,

* I remember the first time I saw my white girlfriend with out make-up. I was sure she only had weeks to live.

** Another Blog 4 Another Day

+ I hyperlinked to images of the black women ( I also hyperlinked to Nicole Kidman- I know she isn't black) I mentioned by name for a reason. I wanted you to see how beautiful and diverse we are as black women (even Lil Kim). If you don’t feel like reading the blog, jus go through and click all the hyperlinks and get the possibilities of black beauty and this ain’t even the half of ‘em.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Happy Juneteenth!

As a Texan girl I have to commemorate Juneteenth! It’s kinda sad that we celebrate the fact that we learned we were free two and half years late (talk about a 6 second delay) but hey at least we got the news!! And when we got the news in true Texan form we celebrated and we have been celebrating every since 1865 on this day when the Union soldiers landed in Galveston and let us know we were free!!

Juneteenth has always been a big holiday where I’m from, Houston metropolitan area, with parades and Miss Juenteenth pageants, barbeque and huge picnics! It was way more fun than the 4th. As with all things common to the Diaspora Juneteenth migrated all across this country as Texan born slaves moved to other US cities. It seems they celebrate it everywhere these days, Buschick shared they even celebrate in Seattle. I am searching Google now to see if these Boston blacks do anything. I would have to say based on my limited experience in exposure to the black community here, I’m not too hopeful, but we shall see. I was a little sad to see there wasn’t any real celebration for Malcolm’s birthday (May 19th) here. I ran across a small luncheon the weekend after which was sad, considering he lived on these fair streets of Roxbury in his teenage years and there’s a Malcolm X Blvd (I still have yet to find MLK here), I guess I expected more. But hey it was something! So hopefully I will find some people somewhere celebrating the holiday this weekend and if not, I guess I'll just fire up the grill and do the DAMN THING myself!!

Happy Juenteenth people and celebrate the freedom that was really always ours!!


Tuesday, June 17, 2008

G.O.A.T Baby! Go Celtics

17 on the 17th thanks to number 34

(actually it was THE WHOLE DAMN TEAM)

17 + 17 = 34

Get that Duck Boat ready!

It's time for a parade!

Go Celtics!!

More when I get back ....WHENEVER THAT IS!

Be EZ,

What’s your Type?

E-N-F-J. No I’m not trying to rearrange the alphabet I am trying to give you some insight into my personality and the traits of my personality. If you read me you know I do not believe that these traits are who I am, they are merely the constructive of how the world sees my actions. I get that but I am also not to abstract not to think that these traits for all intents and purpose convey what my typical actions and reactions might be to both fauna and flora of life.

E stands for Extrovert as opposed to Introvert
N stands for Intuitive as opposed to Sensor
F stands for Feeler instead of Thinker
J stands for Judge instead of Perceiver

If you don’t know what I’m talking about this link will help you

The ENFJ personality type comes from the Myers-Briggs test. The test is often given to help figure out what profession they should be. I first took the MBTI when I was at Rice and worked in the Career Services office. I sadly don’t remember what I was then, but they say you shouldn’t change. From what I do remember, the E and J were with out a doubt strong even back then, I am not so sure about the N and the F.

Anyway, more recently my friends and I all took this test again here through an e-mail I received (thanks Leva for starting this off waaay back!). Many of my friends seem to think that this test, more than any test they had taken , was dead on in determining who they were almost to a T. I would have to agree some of the things I read about myself were indeed me and were things that I knew about myself but couldn’t really describe in words until I saw them in my description.

Here are two accounts of who the ENFJ personality type is in a nutshell some refer to the personality type as The Giver another calls it The Mentor. I definitely view myself through my minds eye as a giver, as far as the mentor I have been told I sound like a mother, so I guess it applies. But for the record, mothering is not what I am trying to do I’m always trying to help people live their best lives and be better. This totally makes sense why Oprah is reported to be an ENFJ. No wonder she makes so much sense to me! I have learned that some people are happy being where they are and that they identify with being in the place they are in and don't want to grow for fear of who will they be if they are not that person they grew out of.

ENFJs only make up 3% of the population and most ENFJs are women. I thought that was interesting. I also think ENFJs are somewhat annoying and we tend to assume everyone wants to grow.

What I thought was really interesting about the personality test were how my BFF and I differ by one letter. She is an ENFP. While I am a judger not in the sense of judgment but a Judger is someone who needs to make a decision. Write a list cross it off. Judge the situation. For me I look at things, take in the data around it, and I make a judgment. I often amend or change my judgment on something if new information is introduced but I need to make a judgment to move forward. I need a plan, a checklist, a finite yes or no.

My BFF is more than happy to reserve her decision while information trickles in about the subject. She doesn’t need to make a decision right away like I do. She is far more Zen in her approach letting information build up before she makes her decison, while I may have flip flop back and forth twelve times or watch my intial judgement come true 10 years later, after I forgot about it. Sometime the decision I make is that I don’t need to understand to capture the information, a trait I have develop being a very non-technical girl in an IT world. Sometime I decide its ok not to decide but it still is a decision, none the less. I won't ever not have a decision it would be more or less, I've decided to wait to make a decision on this. I know sick ...sick I am.

I actually think that my BFF being a P has taught me a lot about relaxing and learning to take in the sunshine and flowers. As an ENFJ I am certainly driven and Type A and before our friendship I think that I missed the beauty in the things around me. I was so focused on towing the line that I forgot to have some fun while walking down the road of life. She has illustrated to me more than any person that its possible to be a go getter with out ALWAYS being on overdrive. The frustrating thing abot planning a trip with her is just that she is not so inclined to plan she's a let it unfold as it may kinda girl, while I would like some idea of what is going on and often way before vacation time. I have budgets to get in order and outfits to shop for.

My mother is one letter different from me also, she is an INFJ. I guess I never paid attention to how much of an introvert my mother was until we started living down the street together. As some of you may know my mom lives literally 3 houses down and across the street from me. When I was building my house the builder date slipped, as they usually do, and I had to live with my mother. She was exposed to a few of my not so close friends they would come by her house to go out or whatever. My mom, who when comfortable in social settings is talkative and chatty, would get quiet and sometimes disappear. I had one friend ask me does she like me. Its funny but my mom really is an introvert not so worried about external attention just tooling along. I laugh because I wonder as an introvert what it like was to raise a ME an extreme extrovert! Probably like raising an alien. Although my mom does do this thing when I speak she speaks with me its like she is thinking what I am saying but she would never be the first to say it. I use the have the habit as well but for me I thought it was a way of showing people I was listening, yeah I know CRAZY!

Now this it the other odd thing in the little personality thing, my brother is an INTJ one letter off from my mother but two from me. I thought it was interesting how my mom raised such different personalities form one another but only slightly from herself. I wonder if she had shaped or personalities or just been given two kids with a similar personality to her who express leadership qualities in completely different ways. It took my whole life to learn how to relate to my brother. Why in my adulthood we have formed what I consider a friendship as kids growing up I always thought he was. Now that I know my brothers personality type it makes it easier for me to do what I like to do the most help him grow as a person.

I really wish I knew why I thought higher thought and progressive thinking is something all adults should be after and felt obligated towards. I guess I just think that to me getting better and doing better is so exciting. I look at my world and think of HOW MUCH I have grown watching my friends do things, both right and wrong, and being exposed different walks of life and different people through out my life and I guess I want people to experience that. You know like Spike Lee in School Daze says through Larry Fishburne’s character I want them to “WAKE UP!!”

I feel that life is so much better when you experience it at a conscious level and not asleep or controled by your ego. I really am truly an externally focused person who finds it hard to focus on me. I am always concerned about the well being of others etc. Only in my older age have I learn that you have to take care of you so you can take care of others.

I am interested in knowing if anyone else has taken the MBTI and if you feel the personality description was dead on? Have your friends taken it and do you use that in an effort to better understand who they are as people and make the friendships better? I found the link so if you haven’t taken the test feel free to take it here and then if you don’t mind, share with me what it says about you, if you think its accurate, and anything else of interest about your personality.

I look forward to seeing and discussing your personality types. I promise to actually show up in the comments sections and discuss. I think this is such a fascinating topic to me how people work and think; I guess that is what makes me an ENFJ.

Be EZ,

Sunday, June 15, 2008

An Empty Sunday (Father's Day)

It's a Father's day, of course it's Sunday. Father's day is always on Sunday and so is NBC's Meet the Press with Tim Russert. I have watched Meet the Press for as long as I have been an adult who followed politics. I use to Tivo it when I would go to church service.Often times, before Tivo made it so simple to tape the end of a show or get a season pass, I would often roll up into service late or just opt to go to the later service so I could see what Tim was talking about.

I always loved to hear Tim's thoughts during an election year because he was so excited about the process. I remember how he told us all it would be Florida that was going to be the state that determined out presidential faith. And boy was he RIGHT! I guess I admired him so much because he had such a zeal and zest for his work. I also admired him, because like me, he took everything that had happened to him as a blessing, loved his father fiercely, valued family immensely, and, despite all the accolades, always thought of himself as just regular ol' smo from Buffalo.

Tim always asked the tough questions of those who sat at his table on Sunday morning, never really playing favorites one party over the other. Tim had several ties here to Boston. His son Luke just graduated from BC and his father is here in a elderly care facility. So I have gotten more than my fair share of Russert remembrance and learned more about him as a man which has been nice.

I just wanted to give blog shout out to Tim on this Sunday, which also happens to be Father's Day. My Sunday will not be as entertaining or informative as it was before this day. And I, like Luke Russert, though not as fresh will celebrate a fatherless Father's day today.

Sometimes I can't believe that my dad has been gone for so long, this is my 10th Father's day with out him, he died in May of '99. I was a daddy's girl or should I say boy. My father raised me like the son he never had. I was his first and although parent's aren't supposed to have a favorite my siblings believe I was his favorite. Maybe its because I was his first that we had a strong bond. My other siblings, all from different mothers, never lived with my father as long as I did and never had the relationship or connection we had. I think the fact that my mom allowed our relationship to be, despite what his and hers became had a lot to do with it.

My father had LOTS of issues. My mom was a battered wife and I remember being young and hearing and seeing her catch a few azz whippings. When my parents were divorcing my dad and his wife at the time tried intimidation tactics to get her to agree to his terms and to be honest and truthful my father could be consider difficult and an all around azzhole. He was both verbally and physically abusive to my mother through out their relationship and marriage.

I think my father taught me a my first lesson in unconditional love, because of who he was I had a choice to either love him despite that or hate him. I, for some reason, chose love. It's easy to love someone when they are your parent and even easier when that parent's flaws are not sinister. My dad for lack of a better term was sinister at time. However I knew how much he loved me despite all the phucked up things he did to my mother, his family, and me. He taught me life lessons that made me a strong woman and prepared me to take care of myself. I am a lot like him, but seeing what happens when keeping real goes wrong helped me keep those less than favorable personality traits that I inherited from him in check.

He was extremely talented and intelligent. He believed he could do anything that had an instruction manual and a few that didn't. And to be honest I never saw him fail at anything he attempted to do. He was ambitious and a little flossy and knew how to talk business with the business folks and knuckle head with the knuckleheads from the Nickel, the nickname for Fifth Ward, the neighborhood he grew up in. At the same time my dad was troubled. He was a manipulative as he was strong. He often used intimidation and intelligence to bully things out of people.

I honestly think my dad was bi-polar or had some type of mental health issues along with the standard issues one gets growing up the youngest son of an alcoholic. Although my grandfather was a good man, despite his disease. My dad was a reminder that alcoholism is a disease that affects a family in far to many way to measure no matter if the one suffering is a nice drunk or not.

While I loved my dad fiercely, I knew he was shady. I knew he wasn't a model citizen and I spent a few of my adult years visiting him in a federal prison when some of his shadier dealings caught up to him. When my father was young he was very successful insurance salesmen and he and my mother had lots of things, especially for a black couple of their age in those times. There were not a lot of black people in their early twenties driving Benzes and Corvettes and living in two story houses in the south back then. After the divorce he lost his way a bit and ended up with a woman who didn't balance him, as I believe my mother did.

I don't blame my stepmother for that because you are who you are, but my dad needed a woman who would remind him of how he was raised and keep him from the shadier side of the insurance business. My stepmother was not that woman she preferred pretty things and nice houses no matter how the money came to pay for them.

After he got out of prison he spent his life trying to recapture his glory years, trying to remake a fortune he had made and lost twice before. He had lots of health issues, from living hard and fast and I think he was a bit broken when he died. He never got to see my career take off. I had just started what was then just a job, not a career, when he passed. As a matter of fact I was in Kellogg, Idaho working on a project when I got a call from my aunt at the dealership I was consulting at telling me he had passed from a heart attack. His common law wife found him dead by the bed with the phone off the hook. He was talking to his best friend when it happened.

I remember that day clearly, I was sitting in the Parts department cashier booth getting the news from my aunt. I made arrangements to leave the next morning and left the dealership to go to the hotel. I didn't cry right away. I rememeber being in the hotel room talking to my BFF, who at the time was just a new friend I made at work and breaking down because the thing that troubled me the most about his death was if he indeed was going to heaven or Paradise or whatever is for us after we are done here on earth. While I knew I loved my father, I really couldn't say I believed with out a doubt my father was a good man and did the good things that people who go to heaven do. While all dogs go to heaven, we certainly know not all people do. She gave me great advice that day and told me that was all up to God, so I shouldn't worry myself about something I have no control over.

I don't cry often and I almost never cry uncontrollably, but when I got home to Houston and laid in the bed with my ex-husband, who was just a guy who was hounding me to be his girlfriend then, I cried the hardest I have ever cried in my life. I cried right into exhaustion and he held me. As a matter of fact it was in that time where how I viewed my ex-husband changed. He was extremely supportive and a rock for me to lean on. In hindsight I think the loyalty and obligation I felt for him for being there for me in one of my darkest moments in life kept my blinders to our relationship on, but that's a blog for another day.

The one thing I can say on this Father's day about my less than perfect daddy was when he died I KNEW he loved me and I knew he was beyond proud of me. I knew he looked at me as the female version of him and I knew he thought of me as finishing lots of business he never finished and would live life make the better decisions. I never struggle with those kind of daddy issues. He may not have been the most upstanding guy in the world but by me he was the best dad a girl could ever have and because of that I thank God for the lemonade concoction of Charles he gave me.

I learned so many things from him, I learned life is never going be easy, I learned don't be half-assed in anything you do, I learned be honest, I learned there will always be someone who is more than you , prettier, smarter, taller, richer, I learned you can do anything if you put your mind to it, I learned we are all just human and no man is better than any other because we all put our pants on one leg at a time, and a host of other things too numerous to name. It is partly because of him that I am who I am today professionally.

I also learned from watching his life what things really matter and when to zig instead of zag. I learned from his wrong turns and mistakes. I learned how you never know when your life will change for better or worse. I learned to be thankful for every blessing I have ever received and live life right now and enjoy it.

If you are a father the one thing you should do beyond all those things that the world says you need do to be a great dad is let your child KNOW, and when I say know I mean know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you love him or her. Doing that even makes the children of the most imperfect fathers able to win in this world. Really it's all about love and feeling loved.

I love you daddy and I miss you. To all the those father's out there have a Happy Father's day and to everyone else as always...

Be EZ,

Friday, June 13, 2008

Let's look towards the future

Rather than post about foolishness at Fox, I'd rather post a link to a great blog with an AWESOME post about Black First Ladies.

Oh yeah, I'm happy to say I will be flying to Newark because I think that is the last open spot for a black first lady as fly as myself. Well at least I like to daydream there is, I'm sure Mayor Booker has a girlfriend (or boyfriend you never really know these days) or maybe even a fiance (or life partner). But just in case, I would like to go on record and let the world [wide web] know I'm not too much of a BAP that I can't live in the hood of Newark! *lol*

Anyway,if you get a chance check this post out. It was pretty awesome!!


Passing the Torch

3-1 BABY!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Black Irish

So it has been almost 15 years since I lived in a city that was alive with NBA Championship fever, considering the 1995 Rockets weren’t slated to win a game of tidily winks until they actually won it all, it’s been longer. However I live in Boston now…Boston! Bostonians are famous for a lot of things most have to do with obnoxious behavior, racist busing and cops, the Irish, the Italian and a fondness for taking R’s in the English language and moving them around (caws and idears know as cars and ideas to the rest of the free world); however the thing that stands out most to me about these New Englanders is their fierce love and support of their sports teams. Despite what Mike Bibby said the majority of Boston fans ARE NOT of the bandwagon variety. It’s hard to be a bandwagon fan here, you can’t just slip in and get a ticket to see the Sox, Celts, or Pats on a whim. You gotta scratch and claw and pay the scalper in most instances.

I grew up an 80’s baby. My childhood was littered with Michael Jackson, Madonna, and Prince, neon clothing and vans, big asymetrical hair and loud make-up, and biker shorts. You know round da way girl kinda things well and a little new wave for good measure! I watched sports, mainly basketball; the 80’s was a good time for basketball in the H too! I grew up hating those damn Celtics! You know which Celtics I’m talking about! Bird, McHale, Parrish, Johnson,Walton, and Ainge ARGH!! I watched those dang Celtics whoop up on us and get all that luck of the Irish. I never rooted for them EVER. I remember rooting for LA; I remember pulling for the Bad Boys of Detroit BUT NEVER… NEVER did I root for or even feel ambivalent about the Celtics. I always wanted and needed them to lose.

While I would like to think that it was my deep seeded hate, basketball voodoo, and need to put their rightfully cocky team in their place that put the kibosh on the dynasty, the team did FINALLY begin a decline and crumble to less than a shadow of its former self. It seemed after Len Bias died they began a steady decline, sure they were in the hunt but by the time Phil found Mike some kids to play in a trianglewith, the greatest basketball team of all times (I know that’s arguable to some but hey they do have 16 championships) was but a mere memory of my childhood.

Fast forward about 20 years and little OG is all grown up and by fate and circumstance I’m living, working and doing the damn thing, temporarily (Houston I’m coming back I promise!), in Da’ Bean!! And I guess by that same fate and circumstance the dismal Celtics of the past few years made some trades and in one year have become the Celts of old. The added two of my MOST favorite players,long time favorites Ray Allen (cutie! Go Jesus Shuttlesworth!) and KG (grrrrrrrrrr) to help Paul Pierce out.*

Rivers and Ainge did that backroom basketball thing coaches and GMs are famous for and poof a new dynasty was born! Let me tell you there is nothing more interesting than watching coaches and GMs do the player puzzle game it’s like watching a scientist mix drugs and formulas. In ’95 I interned with the Rockets, so after watching Weinhauer and Tomjanovich work their CBA magic to get a ring I TRULY appreciate the art of assembling a team. Sure its part luck but it’s a lot about mix.

Anyway I’m in a city on the brink of a NBA championship and boy is it fun!! I’m thinking they will win in six and I am looking forward to the celebrations, because let me tell you theese folks ARE ready to celebrate after Eli and his Giants snatched the trophy and history right out of their hands. Sure this celebration will be a lot different from what I did in ’95**, I think it will be just as much fun and another great story to add to this wild and crazy life of mine.

So tonight is game 4 and sure they don’t have the opportunity to clinch***, they WILL have the opportunity to go up 3-1, which is just as good to me, especially since these days the Lakers are my new Celtics. I just can’t bring myself to EVER root for them, not since the whole Shaq/Kobe thing. My issues with Mr. Bryant are for another day and really don't matter because he is an excellent ball player despite all the other shyt surrounding him.

Go Big Green!!! Let’s win this thing!! Man I truly love my life!

Be EZ,

*I have to think the conversation between Ainge and Rivers went like this. Doc, Paul wants out and we are doing horrible what do you need to make this team a winner. I need some fire power and defense, can’t you call in a Celtic favor with Kevin [McHale] KG wants out of Minnesota. *lol* You know I think them 80’s Celtics are like the skull and bones society!

**I was an intern back then, so I celebrated with the team all night dancing on tables with my boss in bars that were opened just for us, the Rockets Organization to party. Puff Daddy asking me how to get to the party thrown by the team and me being too busy and him being too little known in the south and short for me to have taken advantage of that meeting!

***My co-worker true New Englander he is was hoping for a sweep. Although we know the Lakers are better than that!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Let's do this B!!

The pound heard round the world!! That’s what I would like to call the photo above of Michelle Obama giving, her main man, Barry the “you da man” South Side dap up before he gave his speech in St. Paul. While many an article has been written, blog blogged, and conversation had about the long term effects that this historical run for the presidency will have on our younger generation. Inspiring them to pull their pants up and want to be something besides AI, TI, or TO.

I got to thinking how Michelle and Barack may double-handily show us just how important the family unit is to our community. I have long thought the deterioration of our community and our nation has been the fact that we got out of order. We started making single motherhood a choice and not a necessity and while I am the number one champion of doing things your damn self, I believe in family. I would never choose to have a child on my own or advocate choosing single parenthood over a family unit just for kicks. I do believe there is something about healthy love that is transformational for all involved.

As I had said before, I do believe that you have to love yourself in order to be in a healthily loving relationship. There is something about having that person there in your corner ready to roll with you, that person who loves you no matter what, that person who will slap you up side your head when you are acting an azz, that person who can’t wait to give you that South Side pound when you get it right, there is something about having a person like that in your corner that pushes you past the times when even you don’t feel like doing it. I think at this point I may be more excited about the fact that there is about to be some black love in the club…I mean white house. Hell some love period. I like that B-Rock and South Side Shelly are not too uppity to show us how they feel about one another. I like that we can feel the heat when he looks at her. I like that they make it look fun; we all know it ain’t always fun. I like that how tthey care and support each other is almost infections. It makes you wanna go out and love a black man today! I like that she is strong but it is clear she defers to him and he is not one bit threatened by that strength. But hey that is how a REAL MAN rolls!

Yes if I really sit and think about it I have to say that the one thing that is more exciting than seeing a man like Barack Obama be in a short line for the presidency is seeing a couple like the Obamas show us that love is still alive and kicking in this nation and BLACK LOVE is not dead or a folklore, buried with Ozzie Davis. Sure Sen. Obama has changed this politics game and even our game as far as the community. However I think the Obamas may have changed the love game, not since JFK and Jackie has America seen a couple that wasn’t afraid to show us their love in the white house setting. Are they the new age Camelot? Was the Kennedy endorsement a passing of the torch? And I feel safe to say in this day and age of tell all your business media, if Mr. Obama has any Marilyn Monroes around (or should I say Superhead) they would have long been trotted out on TMZ.

America has been so desensitized to what a husband and wife should be that it saddens me sometimes. When I saw how so many people were mad he said you are not going to attack my wife when the GOP started their old bait and switch politics, I was so sad so many Americans didn't see the love and the romance in that gesture. I thought wow, maybe if some of those other dumbazzes would have stood up for their women and called people out for playing dirty politics, maybe we wouldn’t be here in the first place. I mean sure, I doubt he thinks that saying leave my wife alone will stop the GOP, how ever it was something to me that was valiant and vigilant and a reminder to men of how a man should protect his woman, his family at all cost. Actually if I was the GOP I just might stop what I was doing.

Hell maybe if Bill had taken that road with Hillary the RIGHT WING MEDIA machine never would have taken hold of this country and run amuck. I know one thing I think that this run for the presidency will not only inspire our young men to pull up their pants and start being men, I think it may also inspire them to lay down this pimping game and get them one of these strong black women we seem to be growing by the droves. By viewing their actions Barack says don’t be scared, you a man you can handle that strong black woman. And Michelle says be strong do your thang girl, but don’t be afraid if you choose right there is a man that knows he the man and knows that strength will only make him stronger and together you guys will be UNSTOPPABLE!!

On Wednesday I was e-mailing with my BFF about the picture and just how cool of a couple they seem to be. I mean we all know that we really don’t KNOW about their relationship. Then she said something that pretty much summed it up for me Michelle just seems like a no-nonsense type of sister and you know her man has to be strong just to handle her! If he can be HER HUSBAND he can definitely be MY PRESIDENT!

Black Power! Black Love!

Be EZ,

Thursday, June 5, 2008

It is the Perfect Kinship

Maybe it is all the SATC hype or the fact I was reading Oprah’s interview with Maria Shriver, a friend of hers for 30 years, on the bus ride in this morning. Or maybe it’s the fact for the first time in my life I don’t have any friends (you know REAL friends) in the city of my residence. I’m not sure what the reason is but I do know lately I have been feeling quite reflective and nostalgic of my friendships. Or maybe it's that Zack just wrote about having NO male friends or that Keith wrote about two of his close male friends...who knows? Or maybe its because of Obama I mean he does have happy feelings in the air Maze style all up and through America these days!

I take friendship seriously and to me giving friendship, REAL friendship, is me extending myself to you. My whole world, everything I have you have when you are my Main Dammie, my heart, my soul, my family, my loyalty and whatever else you need from me. I have always measured friendship to others as leaving no doubt in the friend's mind that you are that person’s friend. I would like to think that when my friends are asked about me as a friend I meet all those qualities of being a true and good friend and there is no doubt or hesitation in their mind when they answer yes to the question "Is OG a good friend?"

I want them they know if they are down and out or in need they know that I will help them in whatever way I can. If they are on top of the world doing the damn thing I am right there holding the pom poms and leading the cheers. Come on everybody U-G-L-Y... I always try to help and cheer in a way that will not hurt their growth but will help them be a better person. I want them to know that not by these empty words I may say or type but by my actions!! I have always been a woman that speaks through ACTION!

Sure this type of commitment to friendship has backfired on me a time or two, I have enabled a friend here and there along the way, but as I grow, as we grow I always look back and think for the most part my decisions to be a good friend have been the right ones at the time. And even when there is nothing left but bittersweet memories of a friendship that went awry or was one sided I have no regrets for what I put into the friendship.

I don’t make a lot of friends, real friends. I have to say that because the word is thrown around so lightly, I'm talking about my main dammie, meet you at the retirement home in Boca kinda friends. The kind of friends that are with you for life, you know like an STD, not always able to be detectable by the human eye but secretly lurking in your spine waiting to break out and appear when you are stressed! You know in a good way though...hmm note to self maybe I should find another analogy for my friendship besides that.

I know a lot of people and people like being around me, but as far as real friend friends I don’t have a lot. Maybe because my brand of friendship involves sometime pointing out the things that many are uncomfortable hearing. I view friendship as a safe space. A space where you can tell your friend that make-up makes you look sallow or are you sure he loves you or you need a flat screen job. It’s a space where those things that might seem like they are hurtful are the things that you need to hear someone else say to confirm your inner most feelings or maybe you need to hear them to shake you back into reality. And after they are all said and done they are just that said and done and the friendship love fest resumes only stronger for having said those things that needed to be put in the air.

Friendships are not an easy road to travel and most people are happy with surface friendships. You know the typical friendships we have laughing and giggling deep into the night, idle chatter over who is giving you the business and how well he is or isn’t doing that, the I wanna be phenomenal when I grow up, I wish my hair were more and my waist was less conversations in a fitting room or a salon chair. Most friendships never go past that level and I am led to believe that some women are comfortable with living on that level. A level that seems somewhat surface, but hey not everybody needs soul altering, growth inducing, life enriching friendships. Some people just need someone to laugh and talk with and pass the time.

The energy and emotion it takes to be a friend is tantamount to the same energy it takes being a good mother, daughter, or sister. However friendship should be easier because unlike family, we chose our friends, we chose those who are important enough to our life to make time for those chosen ones IN our life. I guess that's why it is the perfect kinship because you are not born into it you are chosen to be a part of it.

When I think of my three best friends, the women who I rely on in a jam or look to for inspiration and feel extreme dedication to, I feel the same way I do about the rest of my charmed and unorthodox life, extremely blessedand humbled beyond belief.

My mother’s friends were her four sisters, so I guess that may be why my interactions with the women I call my friends look a lot like sisterhood. They don’t require a lot of hoops and heirs to be put on, if you are my friend then you are, not a lot of revoking going on. In my old age I have learned there are levels of friendship. There are people in my life who have shown me that they aren’t worthy or don’t really want what it is to be my friend in its full blown glory. There are people who have thrown my friendship back in my face because they were suspicious, insecure, or immature.

I have stopped some friendships from progressing because I know what kind of friend I am and I either knew they would not live up to my expectations of a friend or vice versa. I think that is the one of the real things I have learned growing up, in order to be a good friend you MUST know who you are. Sure there are women who are plenty nice enough but if you see you can’t meet or they can't meet what a friendship for you two would require, why even go to the next level with them. Stay at a level that is comfortable, after all there is nothing wrong with acquaintances and keeping things light. A lunch here a chat there only enriches life, but the gut wrenching soul stirring come to Jesus moments, save them for your GIRLFRIENDS, Sisterfriends (and sometimes brotherfriends).

The sharing of your soul, save that for someone that you KNOW will go to bat for you when you are too tired, weak, or depressed to even get up and stand at home plate. Save that friendship for someone who, when you are old and gray (well if you decide you wanna show your gray), wil laugh and cry with you as you talk about this thing called life. ANd you both can revel in how much you two have made each other life better and brigther.

There’s your inner circle of friends the one’s that will walk with you to the ER in the middle of the night in Boston, the ones that will walk with you in the hot humid Houston sun to go work out, and that will drive you home from the clinic after the unthinkable and never judge you one minute for your decision. The inner-circle of friends, the framily (friends who are like family) as I call them, those are the friendships that life is about. The girlfriends that you know will be in your life forever, the Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda to your Carrie (or Carrie, Charlotte, and Miranda to your Samantha or Carrie, Samantha, and Miranda to your Charlotte or Carrie, Samantha, and Charlotte to your Miranda).

I often wonder is everyone as blessed as I am to have such a great supporting cast of friends in his/her life. People that have known you when you weren't who you were today and know you better than you know yourself sometimes. I often don’t try to make any more of those relationships because I feel greedy adding one more extremely meaningful and life changing friend to my flock, when there are people out there who have none.

There are people that view a friend as nothing more than rack to hang their hat for a time until they move on to another rack or house with a nicer rack or find a better place to hang their stuff. My friends are more like that comfy couch that you keep reupholstering because you know if you threw it out you would never find another like it, sure the outside changes and you may even add a few colorful throw pillows to it, but the couch and the stuff inside that’s makes the couch so comfortable, that never changes, it may shift around a few times, but it never changes.

My friends, I love them so. I don’t always need to see them or hear them but I feel them. I hear them rooting for my "movie", also known as life, to turn out with a happy ending. I know they want the best for me and I want the same for them. I agonize with them as they make life’s choices and I rejoice when those choices are indeed the right one baby. In the next few post, only because what was going to introduction to my friends has turned into a complete post, I am going to tell you about my three best friends. I am not sure why this is what I’m writing but, hey it’s what I’m writing about... so deal! I hope you enjoy it and I hope you have at least one friend who is as equally spectacular as these women are to me.

I often have wondered what my detour here in Boston is for, you know in the bigger picture of life what will this tangent teach me and how it will grow me. I think at this early point I would say appreciation. So in my exercise of appreciation please enjoy the next few posts about friendship and my three best friends! I’m not sure if they will come back to back to back or just pop up mixed among the other foolish things I blog about, but that’s the glory of being a woman…it’s my prerogative!

Be EZ,

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

All Together Now

What?... What is that I hear? Is that Nell Carter warming up about to sing a rousing chorus of Gimme a Break? Yes, I am fully aware that Ms Carter is no longer with us, however I thought if I were to pick a fat lady to sing Hillary’s swan song/Obama’s champion chorus it would be Nell. And Nell would be singing the theme song to her TV Show Gimme a Break.

I mean after all the Clinton Camp has made me think, say, and yell that phrase countless times in this tumultuous campaign for the Democratic Presidential Nomination. I mean the words are simple enough and well I am sure the sentiment is/was felt by both candidates (more so by Hillary).

So, as we sit here on the FINAL Super Tuesday anticipating that HillBilly will concede to Sen. Obama tonight, once the final death blows are struck, I’d like you all to join me in one round of the song, before the metaphorical rendition by Nell Carter is sung tonight, as Mr. Obama assumes his long awaited title as Democratic Presidential Nominee.*

Five, six…five, six, seven, eight...

Gimme a break I sure deserve it
It's time I made it to the top.
Gimme a break I’m looking forward
Get behind me pull out every stop

I want a happy ending
I'm tried of pretending
Won't let em get the best of me
Wo wo wo wo

Gimme a break the game is survival
Gimme a break and plan my arrival
Gimme a break for heaven's sake
to my piece of the cake

Gimme a break
Gimme a break
Gimme a break

Be EZ,


* I had grown tired of talking about the race simply because for me it has been over for quite some time just a matter of Clinmatics (Clinton semantics…like that huh?). and a hope for the adaoption to the new Clinton math. I had refused to discuss something that was obvious to everyone but her and the mainstream media trying to make news. I mean sure she was entertaining you know like watching One Few Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, but then she became disturbing like realizing your friend/relative really is mentally ill or about to go over the edge.

Anyway, I hope that today goes with out too much grandstanding on her part trying to take the shine from my man, B-Rock. However as you guys know, it ain’t really over until the lady in the pantsuit concedes, phuck a fat chick singing alto!