Thursday, November 25, 2010

Non-Thanksgiving Things

Since its still Thursday and this holiday has other shit on my mind. I'm at what should be one of the happiest points of my life and I am feeling real unthankfu and I know it. I mean don't get me wrong but I'm thankful for so much and I have so much more than I ever dreamed of in my life, both materially and spiritually, but emotionally. Emotionally, I feel like I'm lacking, like I'm missing a piece, like I'm unbalanced and well thats what I'm thinking about today.

This sucks for me because really there's nothing I can do about a missing piece but everything. And that pisses me off. I am the capatain of my own mutha fukkin ship and for what ever reason I can't helm this bitch for shit. I make a choice everyday to be happy. And it fuckin pisses me off that some days it doesn't matter what choice I make, I'm sad. However that's life and thats why she really is a bitch. This emotional shit is hard. Nobody prepares you for this. Nobody says make sure you're XYZ, always do ABC. 
There is no repeatable scalable solution for emotional health.
Everyone can tell you how to get smart, a career, some one can tell you how to get love, but you.

Sometimes its hard to be the bigger person and chose your joy. Sometimes its easier to just take the happy. But man that pure joy uncut is just... I don't want to just be happy. I want joy. I want to ENJOY my life and everything about it. I'm sure someone who is downright miserable with his/her life thinks I'm an asshole for wanting to be more than happy with my life but that's why you're miserable in the first damn place. Too busy worrying about what I want to do with my life and not worried about yours. Anyway I'm tired of just being happy and as thankful as I am for it, I need to find my joy in life again. I've seemed to have lost it. 

Be EZ,