Mirror Gazing

When I look in the mirror I am uncomfortable. Not because of what I see, but because of who I am. No I'm good. I'm so at one and at peace with who I am as a person, the good, bad, and slutty of me. When I say I am uncomfortable I mean in my natural thought process paying attention to myself is not comfortable. It's only something I have realized and been able to put in to words since I have been working on paying attention to myself, oh the irony of that. Something else that I am not comfortable with putting my feeling into words, well at least the hard ones. Feelings are different than opinions I put opinions out into the blogsspere ALL DAY. However talking about my feelings especially the ones that matter, much harder for me. You see tending to other people, helping other people, making other people laugh, making others happy (even at my own happiness's expense) that's my comfort zone. I think when I was younger I was so much that way (something that is perceived as great trait) it was my fatal flaw. However, these days I'm finding the balance.

My old thought patterns use to be if I told someone I'd be there I'd be there even if my arm was hanging by its skin. These days I have learned in social situations its okay when shyt comes up or to simply just change your mind, it's a social situation. I have to think in my later years I have unwound significantly. I am much more free. Easier. I have to thank my BFF for that. She is easy, she has the ability to chill and her temperament is one i envy. She is easy like a Sunday morning. Very hard to rattle one way or another. Me, I usta be easy like a Monday morning at rush hour. These days I'm way more laid back than I was when we met 10 years ago.

I guess I usta see self anything as selfish. These days I realize that you have to take care of you in order to take care of others. I still don't look in the mirror often, usually only when I'm in the bathroom or when I get ready for work. I may even stop by and look at a mirror or a window when I pass one, something I never really thought to do years ago.

I like this new balance, no I love it. I also feel the peace that balance brings me. It really helps to not only know who you are but be able to put that in words. Helps with communication and growth. And I love growth. I love evolution. I love change. It's fun to watch and reflect on my changes in the last 10, 15, 20 years. I'm happy gazing in the mirror. I mean I wasn't sad before, so I guess I should say today's mirror gazing, whether it's literal or figurative, is extremely comfortable to me. Have a good weekend.


Be EZ,
OG