Friday, January 8, 2016

I am just a mess of emotions today but not in a bad way. This morning I woke up to a slight chill in the air, not cold enough to turn my heat on or search for socks but just cold enough to notice that socks would cure the problem but this blanket will have to do…maaaaybe

Anyway I woke up flooded with emotions but just full of happy.  I started reading Year of Yes last night, it’s something I have wanted to do since I saw Shonda on OWN talking with Oprah about it.  Yesterday I saw a tweet of her showcasing her awesome book tour looks and decided last night was the night to do it.  Like why not?  So this morning during my morning reading I just became overwhelmed with joy and happiness and belonging and knowing I’m on the right road and I need to stay this current course, even though it feels uncomfortable

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I haven’t been second guessing myself lately.  I’ve been at a top tier firm for almost 6 months now and I haven’t booked an engagement really.  I’ve been selected for a few but the projects got cancelled.  Then I found a gig myself, I found one through a website we have for non-billable work.  It was a perfect job for me, but I wasn’t the perfect job for it.  It was in OKC and for the first time in my life I experienced flat out blatant institutionalized racism.   And man did it shake me.  I’m not saying it hasn’t happened before, but I think I didn’t view it in the same way I do now.  I always viewed it as I just wasn’t good enough and needed to improve and do better.  However what has become painfully clear to me in the aftermath of this incident is that it was far less me.  I know that was cryptic, but I’m not really ready to talk about my incident.  Mostly because I’m still in it so while I pride myself on being fair and objective I am still too close to this to be fair.
I will one day…but today I just woke up happy and grateful and hopeful for what will come next to me.  I also woke up thinking I will not spend my time worrying about what that will be but preparing for it.  That’s what I will do


Wednesday, January 6, 2016


Something happen to me recently at work, it was racial.  While I can’t prove it and would dare to delve in the psyche that thinks racism or any ism is ok, gotta be really dark and painful in there, I'm pretty confident it was issue of race.  Anyway that incident has jostled me out of my internet silence via blog. 

To be honest I just haven’t had anything to say that I thought was new or different than the many voices out there.  I didn’t have anything to contribute to the conversation that would be seen as anything other than amens and hallelujahs.  I have spent this last five years living my life without the need to document much of it outside the occasionally IG pics and a few poignant tweets here and there between a whole lot of fuckery.  I've posted here and there but really posting...I haven't. 

But my voice … I need to hear it … I don’t need to be heard, but I need to hear it. I need to hear my thoughts on the things and I need to make sure that it makes sense.  You see I don’t need to blog so you can read, I need to blog so that I can read and read in a place that accessible to anyone- some of my truths need to be out in the open.  The thing about personal blogging that is different than journaling is that for someone like me it makes me accountable for real.  I journal to work things out I blog to push things forward.  I always come back to the keys and here.  This blog.  I've tried to move on to another blog a different name a different girl, but there's a reason this one has never left. This one is home for me. My little corner of the world wide web, mostly undisturbed. 

I have had this blog for some time now, it has chronicled so much of my life.  I’m not even the same person I was in some of those posts, I have grown up and gotten over myself.  I have gotten older and hopefully wiser and I have become a better me, or at least I hope I have.

But I want to start writing again because I want to start talking about the space that black women in corporate America occupy and how navigating that path to leadership is a different beautiful unique struggle.  A struggle where you want to not only do a great job but you also want to maintain who you are inherently.  Is it really a win to rise in the ranks of leadership if you had to give up all parts of you and assimilate into the fold?  I don’t know I guess some would say it was.  I don’t know but those are the things I want to unpack here. 

The microaggressions in the work place are real.  And I have spent much of my career thinking it was just me, but now what is painfully and obviously true is that sometimes it isn’t.  Oh well, that’s life.  However that’s the life I want to start documenting out loud.

Anyway, hi I’m back for a little while I think…


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The Good LIfe

Sometimes as I’m randomly doing something, like reading my course chapters for my LSS Green Belt certification, the thought of how truly blessed I am to live my life will float across the depths of my brain.  The thought will then immediately send me into a complete and utter feeling of gratitude to be blessed with the life I have.  And though I’m not saying I don’t have trials and tribulations and the hills and valleys that living life brings, I am saying I feel almost humbled by the blessings that have been bestowed on me. 

I also sit there and reflect just how far I have come in life and how with every new adventure in my life I think this is beyond anything I ever could imagine my life being.  I mean I have a wonderful family whose flaws are far outweighed by who they are as people…good people.  I have friends who love and support me and feel like family, as in our bond will never break.  I have an amazing career that affords me opportunities that I never knew existed.  I have a great man who supports me and loves me for me, not some projected vision of what he thinks I should be based on surface stuff.  All in all I can say that my life is a good one and a happy one and one I’m so very happy to live.

The things that make me appreciate this time even more in life are the dark days.  The times when I struggled, persevered and overcame; and the times I gave it my all and put in every effort and still failed and the times I never even tried and was still ok; and the times things fell into my life like a harbinger of the path I should follow and I listened and the times I ignored those signs too.  All and all it took all those things to get me here the bad decisions helped as much as the great ones. 

As I sit here and just reflect all I keep thinking is life is a sum of parts and the goal is to get your life ratios right for you… good parts and bad parts, impulsive decisions and carefully metered and weighed ones,   useless distractions and costly ones, listening to your heart and making choices with your brain.  To me that’s the beauty of this old thing and to me that’s the what helps me get through the rough times of life. 

Slow and steady wins the race…one step at a time...and all that jazz! 

Be EZ,

Monday, March 4, 2013

Beauty Appointment Epiphanies

I saw this quote the other day when I was at one of my numerous girl appointments. And all I could do is smile and agree.  I think a lot of times, as women, we get caught up in the girl stuff. The hair, the nails, the everything (as in lashes, waxings, make-up that's beat to death, the clothes and the perfect shoe) becomes the focus of our happiness.   And instead of letting our happiness radiate our beauty we stifle it by chasing beauty.  The sooner we all learn beauty is from within and when it comes from the inside no one can take that away from you even if they take away the hair, the nails, the everything the happier we'll all be. With that said, even though I am happy, I'm still glamming it up! I just know my source of happiness is from within and not what I'm putting on the outside. Welp, that's all I have today. Hope you guys are having a great week.

Be EZ,

Monday, February 25, 2013


It’s Monday… and unlike most folks I don’t dread Mondays.  Well I should say I don’t dread them nearly as much as I use to, which is actually not a good thing.  My assumption is that people hate Mondays so much because they are the harbinger of the WORK week to come.  They are so close to that lazy Sunday  that the reality of getting back to the weekly grind of life and work SMACKS them in the face with Monday.  Well Mondays aren't like that to me because well I'm still on my couch like Sunday, except I'm working.

The problem for me is that I don’t have a weekly work grind, so to speak.  I work from home about 70% of the time and because of this my grind life often runs into my leisurely weekend life. I don’t have to wake up by a certain time, to get ready, so I can fight with traffic and be bright eyed and bushy tailed at my desk by some magical time.  Although it sounds great in theory, waking up, brushing your teeth, checking your e-mails, showering , throwing on some sweats , and then getting into your day,wet hair and all, has its disadvantages too. My day is missing something that I need desperately, but until recently was built in for me. That something is structure.  

Yep good old structure from childhood, the thing that we all hate but structure is the thing I severely need. This work from home journey has only reinforced what I know about myself and that is how much better I do with some structure in my life.  Nothing highly regimented like to the hour, but a place to be 3-5 times a week would work for me.  These days I am learning how to build my own structure. It's something that I've never really had to do since college. It's actually worse than college, in a a sense, because I don't even have a steady schedule of classes to work around.  I mean I do have the work day, but what I'm finding is 8-5 is not really enough structure, when you don't leave the house.  Well at least for me.

Today I start on my road to being more disciplined and maintaining some kind of structure and routine to this little old golden life of mine.  I'm actually really excited about it, because I feel my current lack of it is sucking all the time out of my day.  There's no way that I should have this kind of schedule with the professional autonomy I have, and not reap some personal benefits from it. NO WAY!!  So with the Spring will come a more structured and happy Glam!! I can't wait. THE REBIRTH!


Friday, February 22, 2013

Week 1

So I feel like I should disclose to you guys why I've begun blogging again. It's really funny but I have missed blogging for quite some time. However it seems that I just couldn't find my voice.  When I would try to blog either there was nothing I was passionate enough about to make time to write or when I did write the words never quite ordered themselves in a way that made sense and they would find themselves languishing away in draft status.

I believe that sometimes you need to do some living, growing, and reading...every writer should always be reading ABR lol. I've had other long breaks before and the one thing that seems consistent looking back is that I always seem to write when my life is making a major shift. Looking back either I wrote to document the time in my life or my writing documented a shift in my personal philosophy.  But lately the girl in my head has been saying you need to write. Actually the girl in my head has been saying a lot of things. I think its because forty is looming near and I feel this shift into the next phase of my life. Its hard to believe that I have been blogging as long as I have when I look at this I think back to how much was in front of me back then. I posted that and had no idea that I would blog through a marriage falling apart and losing a very good friend. Even when I came here to Blogger I started off slow, just documenting days that had personal significance until I again had a major shift in my life professionally ( and personally too) and moved to Boston for almost a year.  2008 was definitely a year of growth and change.  I'm glad I have here to look back at those times.

And now I have this feeling. It's the same feeling I had when I moved to Boston. It's this feeling that my steps are ordered and God is making my path to the next THING for my life.  It's that thing where you see all things working together for the good. It's serendipity. It's being awake. It's being in the now but being able to feel the next step before it even makes it. It's the universe doing its thing and you watching it. It's beautiful.