"It's been a long time since I left you a dope beat to step to..."
It's been 3 years since I last posted. As expected, life is different in every way. I don't even think people read blogs...I know I very rarely do. I don't even tweet... I just post pics on IG Stories all day lol ANYWAY that's not why I"m here.
I recently had this very weird revelation. I think some blacks and others struggle with how white people make allowances for other white people they spend time with when they are racist However if I look at how black families are with homosexuality the behavior is very similar. There are tons of homophobic grandmothers, aunties, uncles, and cousins that people make allowances for and don't cut off completely.
I realized its all the same thing. It is not about being, white, male, or straight. It is about the impact that when one of your identities is the default or center of the identity. Male is default for how humans are identified, look at how in most languages the male plural version is what you use to denote both groups of men ad groups of men and women. Straight is the default for sexual orientation and white is the default for everything..... you get the picture.
I think to me that is why intersectionality is so important to look at.
The default identity in America is the heterosexual middle-class white male. The farther away from that identity you are the more inter sectional you are, and presumably you would think that means you would understand that you should always advocate for those who don't enjoy your privilege. BECAUSE PRIVILEGE IS NOT SOMETHING YOU EARN!!!
Sadly most people don't, well most people don't off of social media. I think for myself the first time I stopped my mom for being homophobic it was only natural, but maybe because I knew my mom's homophobia was from year of hetero-normative living and she would do better once she knew. It was much harder to have to check the wayward great auntie twice removed. Its easier to just leave the room than confront.
Which is what lead me to my thought to call out something when you aren't something seems to be something all people struggle with. No one is born this perfect ally we all have to learn how to support those who don't experience our privilege.
I said all that to say white people and straight folks you HAVE got to start cutting folks off for blatant racist and homophobic thoughts and you also gotta start checking your friends and family when they are being unknowingly homophobic and/or racist. Some of us were more influenced by the toxic-ness of our culture than we care to believe, and need some one to point out our problematic behavior. Anyway that's enough...
Sunday, February 17, 2019
Friday, January 8, 2016
I am just a mess of emotions today but not in a bad way. This morning I woke up to a slight chill in the air, not cold enough to turn my heat on or search for socks but just cold enough to notice that socks would cure the problem but this blanket will have to do…maaaaybe
Anyway I woke up flooded with emotions but just full of happy. I started reading Year of Yes last night, it’s something I have wanted to do since I saw Shonda on OWN talking with Oprah about it. Yesterday I saw a tweet of her showcasing her awesome book tour looks and decided last night was the night to do it. Like why not? So this morning during my morning reading I just became overwhelmed with joy and happiness and belonging and knowing I’m on the right road and I need to stay this current course, even though it feels uncomfortable
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I haven’t been second guessing myself lately. I’ve been at a top tier firm for almost 6 months now and I haven’t booked an engagement really. I’ve been selected for a few but the projects got cancelled. Then I found a gig myself, I found one through a website we have for non-billable work. It was a perfect job for me, but I wasn’t the perfect job for it. It was in OKC and for the first time in my life I experienced flat out blatant institutionalized racism. And man did it shake me. I’m not saying it hasn’t happened before, but I think I didn’t view it in the same way I do now. I always viewed it as I just wasn’t good enough and needed to improve and do better. However what has become painfully clear to me in the aftermath of this incident is that it was far less me. I know that was cryptic, but I’m not really ready to talk about my incident. Mostly because I’m still in it so while I pride myself on being fair and objective I am still too close to this to be fair.
I will one day…but today I just woke up happy and grateful and hopeful for what will come next to me. I also woke up thinking I will not spend my time worrying about what that will be but preparing for it. That’s what I will do
Thursday, January 7, 2016
"There's a secret language between black girls destined to move mountains and cross rivers when the world sometimes tells you to belong to the valleys that surround you." -Solange Knowles
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Something happen to me recently at work, it was racial. While I can’t prove it and would dare to delve in the psyche that thinks racism or any ism is ok, gotta be really dark and painful in there, I'm pretty confident it was issue of race. Anyway that incident has jostled me out of my internet silence via blog.
To be honest I just haven’t had anything to say that I thought was new or different than the many voices out there. I didn’t have anything to contribute to the conversation that would be seen as anything other than amens and hallelujahs. I have spent this last five years living my life without the need to document much of it outside the occasionally IG pics and a few poignant tweets here and there between a whole lot of fuckery. I've posted here and there but really posting...I haven't.
But my voice … I need to hear it … I don’t need to be heard, but I need to hear it. I need to hear my thoughts on the things and I need to make sure that it makes sense. You see I don’t need to blog so you can read, I need to blog so that I can read and read in a place that accessible to anyone- some of my truths need to be out in the open. The thing about personal blogging that is different than journaling is that for someone like me it makes me accountable for real. I journal to work things out I blog to push things forward. I always come back to the keys and here. This blog. I've tried to move on to another blog a different name a different girl, but there's a reason this one has never left. This one is home for me. My little corner of the world wide web, mostly undisturbed.
I have had this blog for some time now, it has chronicled so much of my life. I’m not even the same person I was in some of those posts, I have grown up and gotten over myself. I have gotten older and hopefully wiser and I have become a better me, or at least I hope I have.
But I want to start writing again because I want to start talking about the space that black women in corporate America occupy and how navigating that path to leadership is a different beautiful unique struggle. A struggle where you want to not only do a great job but you also want to maintain who you are inherently. Is it really a win to rise in the ranks of leadership if you had to give up all parts of you and assimilate into the fold? I don’t know I guess some would say it was. I don’t know but those are the things I want to unpack here.
The microaggressions in the work place are real. And I have spent much of my career thinking it was just me, but now what is painfully and obviously true is that sometimes it isn’t. Oh well, that’s life. However that’s the life I want to start documenting out loud.
Anyway, hi I’m back for a little while I think…
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Sometimes as I’m randomly doing something, like reading my course chapters for my LSS Green Belt certification, the thought of how truly blessed I am to live my life will float across the depths of my brain. The thought will then immediately send me into a complete and utter feeling of gratitude to be blessed with the life I have. And though I’m not saying I don’t have trials and tribulations and the hills and valleys that living life brings, I am saying I feel almost humbled by the blessings that have been bestowed on me.
I also sit there and reflect just how far I have come in life and how with every new adventure in my life I think this is beyond anything I ever could imagine my life being. I mean I have a wonderful family whose flaws are far outweighed by who they are as people…good people. I have friends who love and support me and feel like family, as in our bond will never break. I have an amazing career that affords me opportunities that I never knew existed. I have a great man who supports me and loves me for me, not some projected vision of what he thinks I should be based on surface stuff. All in all I can say that my life is a good one and a happy one and one I’m so very happy to live.
The things that make me appreciate this time even more in life are the dark days. The times when I struggled, persevered and overcame; and the times I gave it my all and put in every effort and still failed and the times I never even tried and was still ok; and the times things fell into my life like a harbinger of the path I should follow and I listened and the times I ignored those signs too. All and all it took all those things to get me here the bad decisions helped as much as the great ones.
As I sit here and just reflect all I keep thinking is life is a sum of parts and the goal is to get your life ratios right for you… good parts and bad parts, impulsive decisions and carefully metered and weighed ones, useless distractions and costly ones, listening to your heart and making choices with your brain. To me that’s the beauty of this old thing and to me that’s the what helps me get through the rough times of life.
Slow and steady wins the race…one step at a time...and all that jazz!
Monday, March 4, 2013