I am just a mess of emotions today but not in a bad way. This morning I woke up to a slight chill in the air, not cold enough to turn my heat on or search for socks but just cold enough to notice that socks would cure the problem but this blanket will have to do…maaaaybe
Anyway I woke up flooded with emotions but just full of happy. I started reading Year of Yes last night, it’s something I have wanted to do since I saw Shonda on OWN talking with Oprah about it. Yesterday I saw a tweet of her showcasing her awesome book tour looks and decided last night was the night to do it. Like why not? So this morning during my morning reading I just became overwhelmed with joy and happiness and belonging and knowing I’m on the right road and I need to stay this current course, even though it feels uncomfortable
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I haven’t been second guessing myself lately. I’ve been at a top tier firm for almost 6 months now and I haven’t booked an engagement really. I’ve been selected for a few but the projects got cancelled. Then I found a gig myself, I found one through a website we have for non-billable work. It was a perfect job for me, but I wasn’t the perfect job for it. It was in OKC and for the first time in my life I experienced flat out blatant institutionalized racism. And man did it shake me. I’m not saying it hasn’t happened before, but I think I didn’t view it in the same way I do now. I always viewed it as I just wasn’t good enough and needed to improve and do better. However what has become painfully clear to me in the aftermath of this incident is that it was far less me. I know that was cryptic, but I’m not really ready to talk about my incident. Mostly because I’m still in it so while I pride myself on being fair and objective I am still too close to this to be fair.
I will one day…but today I just woke up happy and grateful and hopeful for what will come next to me. I also woke up thinking I will not spend my time worrying about what that will be but preparing for it. That’s what I will do