Monday, March 22, 2010

Its the REMIX baby

The following is something I wrote in 2006. Blame the #futurehusband Trending Topic on Twitter for why I'm re-posting something that is almost 4 years old.

And to be honest I'm not quite sure I'm still waiting on this man physically. Sometimes I feel he is in my life, he just isn't where he needs to be emotionally (which really means he ain't the one, I'm just letting myself down easily. However love is hard to let go, but not impossible) That is all!

Here it is,enjoy:

April 25, 2006

An Open Letter

This weekend...I decided to do a little soul searching and I asked myself what would I tell the next man who dared to try to love me. This is what I came up with. It was very therapeutic. Not sure if I want to love anyone, however I am learning that sometimes things don't happen when you want them to. I just like flexing my creativity in different ways...hope you like

To the man who will make me love him:

Hey, we don’t know each other yet. I mean you don’t know how much you love the nerdy little things I do. You don’t know that you like the fact that my inside voice and my outside voice only barely differ. You don’t know that you love my outspokenness and the way I have an opinion about every phucking thing in the world. You don’t know you love the way I always seem to let you be you, no matter what. You haven’t felt the comfort of my love yet. You haven’t felt the warmth of my touch and how much I care. You don’t know that you phucking hate my outspokenness and how I have an opinion on everything. You wish you knew how someone so strong, independent, and obstinate to others could make you feel like you are “Da Man” when it came to dealing with things concerning me and you. You don’t know you are the only one to see my vulnerability, tears, and fears. Or that your voice calms all those things.

You don’t know that when I look at you, you can feel my love surround you. You don’t know that you have experienced an ally so strong and a friend so great, that you wake up to check every morning and see if I am real. You don’t know that you make me crazy with desire when I think about you thinking about looking at me. You don’t know that when I look at you that all men will fail in comparison. You don’t know that when you touch me, I am ready to rock that all night.

You don’t know that my love will open up a world that we’ve never known, because it will be different because my love for you will be unconditional, many have experienced my loyalty, my kindness, and my like; but FEW have experienced my love. The only reason I am writing you before this love of ours starts is, I may get cold feet and I may get changed before I meet you. I may decide love is not worth the toll. I may decide that love is not meant for me or that love is only for those who look, act, or live a certain way.

So just in case I forget how alive loving you will be, or I let someone take my ability away, I want you to make sure that you are you. I want you to make sure you don’t change anything about yourself. I want to make sure that you don’t let them change you; because I know that if you remain who you are, there will be no way that I can do anything but love you. If you are you then there is no way that I can’t love you. It won’t matter what the world does to me or how it may make me doubt happiness and all those things people write about, if you are you- I will love you, because I have no choice.

I will have no choice to love you because when I look into your eyes I will know that you were made for me. When you touch me my heart will flutter and my soul will smile. I may put up a front at first, because many will have come to steal the love I have for you from me, but I will know. All I say is just let me be me and love me, because I will recognize you by your love, the look in your eyes, and the warmth of your embrace. . It won’t be easy loving me, but it will be very worth it.

Ok, well I have to go now, I am not sure if we have met yet. I am not sure if I will even like you when I meet you, however I am sure that if you love me just a little perhaps I might give up the armor around my heart and trust you with it, just remember I do all this heart protection because love is life changing and loosing love is gut wrenching, two things that really scare me. I don’t want fear to make me miss you, but maybe it already has. If it hasn’t and you are still around, just lean in, look me in my eyes and say “Monique, just take a chance and trust me with your heart.” I can’t promise I will, but I will try to trust you with my heart and hopefully love you and that is more than I have done in a very long time.

Your love,

The eternal optimist

Be EZ,


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Happy Black Girls Rock Red Pumps!

Today is Happy Black Girl day and National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (NWGHAAD). In honor of two fine occasions, I post.

HIV/AIDS is an epidemic that is killing women off. Every 35 minutes, a woman test positive for HIV/AIDS in the US. And new statistics show that HIV/AIDS cases in the some parts of US are outpacing Africa. True Story! 1 in 4 Americans living with HIV are women.

What’s even more alarming to me, as a Happy Black Girl rocking her red pump is, is how HIV/AIDS is ravaging my sisterhood. Do you know the statistics for Black women and HIV/AIDS? Well let me share some

HIV is the:

§ Leading cause of death for Black women (including African American women) aged 25–34 years.

§ 3rd leading cause of death for Black women aged 35–44 years.

§ 4th leading cause of death for Black women aged 45–54 years.

§ 4th leading cause of death for Latina women aged 35–44 years.

§ The only diseases causing more deaths of women are cancer and heart disease

§ The rate of AIDS diagnosis for Black women was approximately 23 times the rate for white women and 4 times the rate for Latina women

§ In 2006, teen girls represented 39% of AIDS cases reported among 13–19 year-olds. Black teens represented 69% of cases reported among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 19%.

And sure I’m sad as a woman that 280,000 of the 1.1 million people with HIV/AIDS in the US are women, but it breaks my happy little Black girl heart that in 2005 Blacks and Latinas accounted for 82% of the estimated total of AIDS diagnoses for women while only making up 24% of the population (based on 2005 census). As much as this Happy Black Girl likes to stay happy, the thought of losing even one Happy Black Woman to HIV/AIDS makes me sad. It makes me want to share my good news.

See the spread of HIV/AIDS is preventable. You see this Happy Black Girl doesn’t need to be sad because other Happy Black Women can be abstinent or use condoms and dental dams when having sex. Most importantly Happy Black Women can get tested and know their status so they will not unknowingly spread the disease to their partners/spouses. Happy Black Women can also rock some red pumps today in honor of National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day.

Thanks to The Red Pump Project and their drive to get 500 blogs to sign up and spread the word and statistics about HIV/AIDS many more women and girls will understand about HIV/AIDS and take the precautions to prevent it from spreading.

You can find out about all the cool things Luvvie & Karyn are doing today and through out the year to raise awareness of HIV/AIDS among women and girls by clicking here. As a Happy Black Girl I am always happy to celebrate the day by big upping Happy Black Girls that are making a difference in our community! Happy Black Girl Day! Know your status.

Be EZ,


Wednesday, March 3, 2010


I spend a good amount of my spare time on the internets (no typo-I love Lauren for this) and I am a people watcher, so this post comes from something yet nothing in particular. Authenticity seems to be something everyone pushes yet is there really a way to tell. I expect almost everyone online to be presenting a version of who they believe themselves to be or who they WANT to be or a mix somewhere between the two. Some people are completely grounded in who and what they are and others are not. What is more worrisome is that many people put us in a choke hold about who and what we can and can’t be, based on who and what we have presented or even worse based on who they believe us to be. They have written our stories before engaging in conversation with us.

It’s worrisome sometimes, because for me who I am is a twirling tornado of nothing but contradictions. I am book who does not indeed match her jacket (notice I didn't say cover). Who I am changes as I gather information on things and develop myself, I believe it is called growing or evolution. As someone who is not concerned with boxes for me or people I meet, the backlash of social media is sometimes troubling. You see, I am some what of a thinker, or at least I believe myself to be. The older I get the less I judge any one, because the longer I live the more I see it’s easy for some things to happen to some people. It by no means excuses wrong, for wrong is wrong, however when we can we should view wrongs in the context of life with lenses of humanity applied. While I am sure there are a handful of things that will never happen to me, they’re also a shit load of things that could happen to me and the only reason they probably didn't was because, like Helen Baylor, I had, and still have, a praying grandmother.

I always remind myself I am not greater or better than anyone and conversely they are no greater or better than me. To me that is where my authenticity lies. I am unapologetically the best me I can be today, some days I’m better than others and well that is just life. I got into this habit in my late 20’s of questioning my hate/love for things. You know playing the devil’s advocate of why I believe things I do, who told me what I believe and what was their agenda for sharing, what things I believe come from MY experience, why do I think this about that. I started asking myself are there facts to support my views or is it just something I believe because someone I know, love, and/or respect told me it was so. When I come up with my opinions of something they are usually thought out, but always up to be changed. I do not ever want to be as static as someone who believes what they believe and does not want to hear opposing views. I don’t want to believe that we can change folks by not listening to or trying to understand an opposing view. The minute any one tries to “help” some one with out loving/listening to who that person with the differing view is the minute we lose.

It’s the minute we become preachy to that person. It’s the minute we assume a “my way is the best way” posture. And it’s hard for me to look at people do this to others while it’s being done to them. We are often caught in a world where we as blacks are both oppressed while we oppress those with in our communities. Oppression is a slippery slope where those being oppressed become so happy to oppress someone else that we forget the sting of oppression. However oppression is power and nothing feels as good as power to those who were kept from power & liberation. I see it everywhere. I see it between black men and women, black educated and black uneducated, black upper class and black lower class; actually I see it in all black errythang. We are so busy trying to tell others what they need to do we can’t even give America a collective voice that says she in fact is the one who needs to shape up. We are so busy in fighting with out listening. Pointing fingers at others and pulling skeletons out of closets that we fail to have healthy dialogue to move us forward. When something is touted as wrong or bad we are so quick to jump on the “do better bandwagon” that we are shouting at people from our glass penthouses and diamond encrusted Tide boxes instead of listening to the hows and whys of how people got to where they were and offering healthy solutions in a dialogue.

Nope we are quick to hop on what ever is selling to make a buck, instead of listening to why people are doing what they are doing and being who they are being. We are not listening to one another. Some of us believe that black is a monolith except for us, you know we are always the exception. “They ain’t talking bout me!”

We have opted to stay disjointed and because of THIS we stay unpowerful, not powerless, as a race. We’ve abandoned “Each one Teach one” and have moved to “This shit is all YOUR fault”. It’s problematic and worrisome and human all at the same time.

Of course I don’t know how to fix it. I barely even know how to address it. Maybe y’all can help me out here.

Be EZ,