Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Especially for Women Over 35

I find it absophuckinglutely hysterical that my first post in over six months, my don't call it a comeback post, my my blogs are so effective I can skip 6 months post , my my twitterfam is on my back to blog post, my Blueprint 3 post, my bytch it is about phucking time you post something post would be inspired by the disclaimer on a Nuvaring commercial (is that even how you spell it? I am not really that familiar with any of these NEW fashioned birth controls…pills, pullin' out, and condoms is all I've ever used, not in that particular order.). Anyway one never knows when and where the inspiration to get back in this blog game will come or why.

I mostly write for me, so blogging ain't that serious. I got a gig that I love and pays the bills and for the most part I like my life of anonymity. Not that I'm doing a whole lotta of anything, but something comforts me about the fact that if I beat the shyt out of my husband with his golf club at our mansion and he wrecks his Escalade trying to make the great escape that only about a handful of people would know and less than that would care past a casual mention during a lengthy gossip session. "Girl did you here about the G's. That's a adman shame. Who's on Wendy today! I just LUV her fabulous azz! "

Or if I got into a fight with my boyfriend and he whupped my azz, like I came at im with a phucking golf club.And I went back to him and loved on him it would be nothing but a stupid move, and not a move that would threaten MY multi-million dollar empire. I like to think that the threat to my self respect and mental/physical well being would be the only threat I needed to move along. I mostly said all that to make myself feel better for not blogging for the 12 people who read me. I'm sorry you had to wait so long. I'll try to do better if… BET does…no I promise to.

On to my main reason for blogging, I was in my bathroom brushing the shyt outta my teeth when just as the SonicCare stops running the part in the disclaimer for the NuvaRing comes on that inspired all kinds of post teeth brushing thought! (There is not a lot you can do after brushing your teeth when you man ain't home.) You know where they tell you about all the crazy shyt that goes along with female contraception and you should be careful if you smoke using this product and do NOT take/use this at all if you smoke and are over 35 (Unless you'd rather risk a blood clot, heart attack and dying than have Dwayne's 15th child with yo' OLD azz).

When it hit me…I'm that bytch, the one that is over 35. And there are a lot of things that women over 35 should NOT be doing (like wearing many of the wigs and clothes that Janice Combs seems so fond of) a lot more than not using birth control when she's a smoker.

Do not get me wrong I LOVE being over 35. I really enjoy being a grown ass woman with herstory. I love the view from here and the lessons and blessing that have come with my 36 years on this earth. And if you know me I'm pretty much an open book you get what you see. I have no regrets about anything or anyone everything that has happened to me needed to happen to make me the me I am today. And I like me. Which a times has been something that was hard for me.

Anyway how did I get here, see this is what happens when you don't practice your craft. You wax on about some bullshyt trying to be cute.

Look it's the end of the year and I'm a fine wine (you know better with time) so here are a few pearls of wisdom for anyone who wants them. And the comments are always open for you to share yours with me.

  • Do not worry about what other people are thinking or saying about you, DO YOU, especially women over 35.
  • Do not sleep with him for any reason except that is what your hot fiery loins want you to do, especially women over 35.
  • Please do not wait for someone/something to be right, get right, do right before you LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE, especially women over 35.
  • Accept complete responsibility for your actions no matter how scandalous they are or are not, especially women over 35.
  • Don't spend your life being angry or mad or hurt over some shyt that is over. Once you get over it be DONE. Don't hit reverse to see how sturdy the bridge you built to get over it is, live in the now, especially women over 35.
  • Control is for remotes, realize that the only control you have in life is over how you deal with things that happen to you, especially women over 35.
  • Always remember not to apply the past to the present because it will phuck up your future, especially women over 35.
  • You should not be in love with the idea of a person (you know a person with intentions, or potential or usta to be a good person) if you do not love that person for who they are flaws and all then you should be moving around looking for the next one, especially women over 35.
  • Never feel bad for being who YOU are, you are the only one God made, especially women over 35.

Look, I could really go on for days and years and months because there are so many lessons I have learned in my 36 years on the scene (the majority looking fresh and clean!!) that I think should at least be repeated (or typed) out loud. I think the thing that makes me the saddest when I read blogs of younger women is sometimes they are still discussing and debating the same shyt my friends and I were discussing and debating 10 years ago before there were blogs to vent and hash on or the saddest when its women who are still my age OR OLDER discussing the same shyt we were discussing 10 years ago. Some of the discussion is promising like I see evolution, some of it is well…

Look man the J in my personality (as in ENFJ) says make a decision about the shyt digest it and move on to the next thing, all that discussion sometimes complicates it, especially for women over 35!!

Be EZ,



CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Whew, chil'! As much as I hate the cliche "you ain't neva lied" applies to this post. I totally get all the pointers.

"Don't spend your life being angry or mad or hurt over some shyt that is over. Once you get over it be DONE." is right on time for me. Hope you'll get back in the bloggin' hittin' and quittin', missy :-).

Mizrepresent said...

BRAVO, she's back and i needed that...shid i'm over 35 and sometimes i need to be reminded that yes i am too FINE as wine, an only getting better with time. You did that sister, just like i knew you would. I feel so refreshed just reading your words, bc as perfect as i can be sometimes, i too suffer from that ificouldawouldashoulda bs. Thanks for reminding me, that the best move any of us can make is to live life, and move on.

12kyle said...

I can't call it a comeback b/c you neva left. LOL.

Glad to have you back, tho.

Damn good post. Age ain't nuffin but a number. You're only as old as you feel

SaneAndSingle said...

Hell yeah! I think I just might print this out and hang it on my wall as a reminder!

Keith said...

Well Welcome back....I almost thought you had quit blogging,but then I remembered..."They all come back eventually." lo0lololol.
Don's Back, O.G.'s Back, Everything
is right with the world.

Solomon said...

Great post! and welcome back.

Loved your list of do's and don't's. I think they all apply for dudes over 35 too... *lol* said...

Hey O.G.!

I thought you had abandoned your blog!! Not a peep out of you at any of the blogs and not one new post in a gazillion months so I didn't know if you had turned in your playa card among the Gs in the blogosphere!!

Zack got rid of his blog...maybe he's still online but is underground... I don't know...

Well, it's good to see you back!

I am still doing my thang online.....still keeping the controversies on the table over at my spot...trying to serve truth righteously...and still holding up the mirror...

Keep on bringing us the Glamazon flava!!

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

Blah Blah Blah said...

That was a great list.
I knew these things but it's a great reminder...

I think you should give another 5 every

Sister Girl said...

Happy Holidays !

It's been a LONG time, but when you keep it'll always find a way. Life has been really crazy for everyone. I had delayed blogging because I found there was so much to do & no time to get it all done.

You know I'm a sports maniac & if you put a tracker on my Blackberry/laptop/PC, you'd find that I'm rarely in use of any (well, BB gets used mainly now & keeps me in the "know").

But it's great seeing you again & the charm of the truth that you spit when given the mike. I'm hoping to get back to blogging at the first of the new year, but right now life has too much coming at me where I barely get a decent night sleep (LOL).


Urban Puma said...

We know who we are, and we should never be anything but WHO WE ARE.
So true.