Healthy?

The thing is I truly believe that healthy is different for every one. And I am going to not try to get way to deep on this one because I think a healthy relationship is simple. I think a healthy relationship has to be one in which YOU are happy. Not all the times, but a good amount of time. A healthy relationship has to be the relationship that fits what you want for you and yours. And as I learned the hard way one person’s healthy is another person wildly dysfunctional.

The thing I have learned, and I am learning, is in order to be in a healthy relationship you must first KNOW what you want and then secondly be able to communicate to those looking to fill the position about what you are looking for. It’s just like when you interview for a job there is a job description that goes with the job at hand. You also have to be willing to know when you are being unreasonable or when you are the one changing up the description on folks.

If being taken care of is what you want then you are never going to be in a healthy (happy) relationship with a man who can not take care of you. Not even for one second.

If laughter is important to you then you are never going to be in a healthy relationship with a man who has no sense of humor.

If being an equal contributor to the partnership is primary to you, you will never be in a healthy relationship with a man who believes you are secondary as his mate.

Hell, if you like to get your Bobby Brown on you are never going to be in a healthy relationship with a man that won’t even take an Advil or walk through a smoky room.

For me when I think about the healthiest relationships I have had in my life (romantic and platonic) and the thing that they had in common were that they were what I wanted. Now sure this whole healthy what you want theory is predicated on the assumption that you are a healthy person. That you know what your flaws are, that you know what a healthy you wants, and you know the difference between help and enabling.

I think KNOWING who you are is the start to building all healthy relationships.

So the thing that I find the most comforting in building this relationship is that TOM A is truly a sounding board for me. He is honest. He doesn’t judge and for the first time I feel it is ok to be imperfect. The fact that he views me as being perfectly human is what I love most about our friendship and will be the foundation of any relationship we build. The fact that we love each other and our relationship looks NOTHING like a traditional relationship is a testament to my growth as a woman and makes me smile. I am the happiest I have been in a while. The absence of drama even though things are not as he would wish makes me even happier.

What he reminded me of when I told him about being bothered about my unwarranted mistrust of him; this is me and you right now. We can’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow. Which is funny, when he said that it was like being hit in the head with my own words. I thought I am always living my life in this moment trying not to let my past lead me or my future break me but just be present in the NOW. Yet somehow I got so caught up in how great we felt that I became preoccupied with how long this would last. I was completely missing my happy now, worrying about the possibility of an unhappy future.

The one thing being married taught me was that just because society says it is so doesn’t make it so. I mean if that was the case I should still be happily married.

What is healthy really has to do with the people involved, like I have an ex-coworker that swings. This is his second marriage and he is EXTREMELY HAPPY and I would say he and his wife have a healthy relationship, for them. I’m not one of those people who projects society’s mores or what I think is right or healthy on others. If you like it I love it. They have been together forever and are married and besides the fact they like to do God knows what with God knows who it seems like a pretty normal marriage.

I said all this to say this. You gotta know what YOU WANT and COMMUNICATE THOSE WANTS otherwise you are not going to be able to enter into a healthy relationship. You just gonna be spinning a roulette wheel with your happiness. Nobody wins big on roulette. Do they?

To me a healthy relationship involves team work. To me for better or for worse means there may be a time where something life altering changes if you can work or talk or walk or anything imaginable. If you aren’t a team from jump then well that incident could be the end of you. If you are a team then you are honest. If you are a team then you know how to take help and receive help. Teammates accept each other and learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They capitalize on the fact that you have a quick first step or that your blocks lay fools out, or that you cut to left quicker than anybody this side of the mason Dixon. They sometimes pass the ball and sometimes they catch the ball. However it really doesn’t matter who does the passing, as long as you score. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!

To me a healthy relationship contains two people who are one, just like a team. My victories are OUR victories because we are friends. There’s no I in team. Your mate should be your teammate. I do really think the fact that many straight women don’t grow up playing on teams is a slight disservice to learning team dynamics. After all men grow up that way and we see it in the way many socialize. I think learning what team work really is could help us learn a lot about looking for mates and creating healthy friendships and relationships. Learn about picking up slack and having our slack picked up. Enough!

I just wanted to talk about something besides the obvious pink BLUE elephant in the room today. Plus those two make a great team. I love the fact that Michelle was the BREAD WINNER, making twice as much as her husband at times. However she knew the content of character he had and believed in him.* She was on team Barack and never stopped rooting for her Pumsky. Just for the record so am I!**

What say you, is healthy in the eye of the beholder or is it a standard we have to meet?

Happy Election Day!!

People often say that, in a democracy, decisions are made by a majority of the people. Of course, that is not true. Decisions are made by a majority of those who make themselves heard and who vote -- a very different thing. - Walter H. Judd

Be EZ,
OG

* I stress content of character please don't use the last part to support some man who's only content of character is OE and the meat loaf you cooked last night. And put some kind of timetable on getting on your feet or whatever. This is a double edge sword so don't go playing this invest in a man game too many times. *lol*

**I had to make the obligatory Barack Obama tie in. It is election day! Here are some quotes about election day, sorry that's all the election day hoorah I'm giving you, I've voted now its time to see what this election do.