Thursday, October 2, 2008

Home sweet HOME

OK so, I’m about to share a secret with you guys, I haven’t even told my friends. Two weeks ago I was walking to catch my bus to work. Riding the bus is one of the MOST entertaining things I do. OK OK OK Its not really entertaining, just a fun place to watch people in this city interact with one another, it’s a fly on the wall kinda place for me. After I tell you my secret, I am going to tell you a funny bus story remind me. But anyway, back to what I was saying. I was walking to the bus listening to my iPod which I refuse to sync to iTunes because when I got my new laptop I realized the music TRAPPED in my iPod is just that trapped. If I do what iTunes suggests I will lose some music, because for some reason it wasn't on my backup hard drive.

BACK TO MY STORY, look I’m just running off at the mouth cause I am so embarrassed about what I am about to say. Home by Stephanie Mills, you know from the Wiz, pops up as I’m sitting on the bus reading doing my daily thing. Half way through the song I am sitting on the bus reading and crying. So basically I wasn't really reading, I was wetting up the Metro with my tears of homesickness. I mean I know I have been homesick for a minute and I deal with it, but I had no idea that Stephanie was gonna make me just flat out cry like a little bytch! You’d swear that the House had failed my bailout plan or the mainstream media got me with GOTCHA journalism. I mean what was crazy is at first I had no idea I was crying. Then I realized I was and I said to my ego go ahead be homesick cry and emote lately my ego has also manifested its want from home through really bad moods (I think Tolle would say my pain body was trying to take over), this Monday I WAS IN SUCH a STANK mood that I went to the gym and took this class they offer where you get to beat on drums and stuff. Yep!! I have actively been getting over the hump or outta the valley however you look at it, but I AM HOMESICK like a mo’ fo'. I am just letting it take its course. I'm in a better place because I will be home in 7 days!! WOO HOO! However I am still amazed that this song made me cry actually I'm not because when I think of home I do think of a place where love is overflowing! BTW the fact that Stephanie was NOT in the movie has always made me HAVE A FUNDAMENTAL problem with that damn movie even though Michael was the bomb. Just imagine how GREAT it would have been if she and Michael had eased on down the road. I mean Diana was cool but STEPHANIE WILL ALWAYS BE MY NAACP DORTHY!!

Some people grow up in one place and find HOME later in life and then some people like me grow-up and spend there adolescent/adult lives trying to leave home, only to finally do so and realize with out a DOUBT you have always been home. I am very grateful to live in another city that is geographically, climatically, and politically different from my home, however I’ll take Houston ANYDAY or maybe it’s I’ll take the life I've made for myself there. I really do LOVE it and miss it.

Anyway I just wanted to let you guys know I cried like a BYTCH!! Man like Pookie in New Jack City!

Bus Story the other day there was this older, crazy( or really, really, NOT sober) lady on the bus. I catch the bus home at the train station so both inbound/outbound routes of my bus stop there. Sometimes the drivers forget to change their signs to reflect which way they are really going, so after two buses stop both going outbound, the third pulls up with the sign that its going outbound as well. So me being me and it being 2 buses past late (the not so glamorous part of bus riding) I ask the driver where is he going, he tells me he’s going out bound as well. This other lady dressed like a medical professional starts asking him what’s up why are the buses late etc. In the middle of her conversation the old NOT sober lady steps in front and says something crazy like THEY don’t know where they going answer my questions. The driver says something but I just step back, the other lady goes off on the lady behind me, to her self under her breath but within earshot. Going on and on about...phuck her and who is she and how she needs to shut up blah blah blah. I think to myself damn is it really that important to let some random stranger's comments get you all worked up. Damn, it’s not that crucial to me. Then as I am standing there the old NOT sober lady sits behind me and starts going off on the other lady under her breathe. Then she says some shyt like my daughter would beat her AFRICAN ass, we smart too Africans ain't the only smart black people. Again I think STRANGER DANGER!! I mean really why are you letting strangers do this to you?

FAST FORWARD 5 minutes later. The bus arrives and all three of us end up getting on along with two other black girls, young girls barely in their twenties if that. Anyway the old NOT sober lady tells the bus driver that one of the girls didn't pay her bus fare. Which she didn't, but she had a train ticket and you can ride the bus with your subway ticket. The bus driver makes the girl go back and show her ticket; meanwhile the old NOT sober lady and the subway rider’s friend get into a verbal sparring because she is MAD that the old NOT sober lady was not minding her OWN business. Then she goes on this long LOUD diatribe about hating black people and how she hates them because they don’t mind their own business. And that’s why she doesn't hang out with them. She, who is a a BLACK girl, is telling this to her BLACK friend, the subway rider (man this is more than irony and sheer stupidity it's the PAIN BODY I'm telling you). Then she tells the old NOT sober lady she is better than her and has more and more class. Man ALL THIS was just so disturbing for me to hear. Its part of the reason I think Boston is just ok, I mean you can say A LOT about the South but there is at least more respect of older folks and definitely more acknowledgment of us together in the struggle. Less anger in my opinion more positivity in general. To me it seems blacks in the south have learned a way to live the struggle with out struggling to find happiness and contentment in the struggle, you know the silver lining of the cloud kinda mentality.

The collective pain body of Boston’s black population is draining on my soul. It’s the one thing that I wasn't prepared for. I was prepared for there to be more progressive thinking and thought about race and who we are; unfortunately what I find is hopelessness and mean mugs and ignorance and disrespect. I mean don’t get me wrong there are spots, but only spots and pockets of hope and brightness, but that usually is not from locals its from transplants. I wish I could describe it, but I see why blacks who school here leave here fairly quickly after school, well that and the fact most blacks who go to school here are able to write their tickets ANYWHERE. Anyway this is where you can see what years of institutionalized covert racism has done to generations of blacks here. Boston has always been one of those last strongholds, I mean look how long it took for the Celtics to have a black starting five *lol*

But seriously, the things that locals say and believe here is DEPRESSING. To me Boston should be one of the most progressive places of black thought, even though they are small in number. Many of the greatest black minds and heroes have stationed themselves in this city. Tubman, DuBois, Obama, Ralph, Bobby, Ronnie, Ricky and Mike! All the black minds that Harvard, MIT, Wellesley, have educated (which I have found out are almost all imports and NOT locals). Anyway I guess I’m glad my off the cuff thoughts of what Boston might be were just that, and not expectations. The amount of unconscious and angry living going on in this place is alarming. Very alarming to have so many enlightened folks intermingled with the absolutely ignorant and unconscious. I know it really is in every city, but this ain't my first US city, I don't remember Denver being like this I also don't remember Denver being justlike Compton either, but you know DJ Quick is my boy!

Anyway enough stories of homesickness and people sick in the mind or should I say unconsciously living their lives. My one wish is for everyone to live a life where they are present. Be Present in your life! BE PRESENT! All I know is I have 7 more days until home and a very needed visit!

I watched the debate, yes Palin was better than expected however she wasn't better than Biden in my appearance. I think she is simply getting the tie in this debate because she didn't make any major gaffes, but she also didn't answer a lot of questions. I think it was smart for Joe Biden to talk about Joe Biden and mention Barack had asked him to govern with him, because SO MUCH of the country is harping on B's experience. Well Joe Biden is telling you hey I'm one experienced dude and I am going to be there to lend my experience to the President when he needs it. You see that is what leaders do, they surround themselves with people who can help them make good decisions. Its not about knowing everything its about knowing how to get the information you need to make that decisions from people you trust. Look being a Governor of a large energy producing state don't mean shyt to me. W was the Governor of Texas and wow his energy expertise has sure HELPED this country out huh? *LAWD.

Anyway feel free to comment on what ever you would like. The pain body stuff is Tolle stuff you guys know how I feel about him! I'm not all Oprah but I do believe he is so right about learning to BE PRESENT. Anyway have a good weekend!

Be EZ,


Anonymous said...

Girl, you summed up everything I hate about Boston. When I first moved to Maine, and would get homesick folks would tell me go to Boston. Boston is nothing like Chicago, the vibe is off I never really could sum it up other than just didn't like it as much as I would have thought. Black folks there just seem different than what I am used to, for 6 months I went every 4 weeks to a shop in Boston and it was such a strange experience. Totally lacked the warmth and humanity that happens when you get a group of Black women together.

Sarah did do better than I expected but IMO only because she made up her own questions.

CurvyGurl said...

Hmmmm...guess I should cancel any plans to visit Beantown...hee hee. Have a fab weekend, chica :)!

Keith said...

Black People in the South are more together because they have seen "the man" at his most honest and brutal.The Southern White man will tell you to your face-"Nigger I don't like you.." While up North,the racism is subtle and hidden and undetected. We think we free-lolol..Our Southern Borthers and Sisters have always known what they were up against and they pull together and act accordingly.

Kofi said...

I was not ready for Boston, the last time I was in it.

Sister Girl said...

OMG !..You cry just like my fat azz do(LOL)

Home by Stephanie Mills will always reduce me to nose running/eyes swollen/sick to my stomach crying because it touches so deeply !

dom said...

I was just checking out different blogs and I have to say Im a bit of a mixed bag about this post.

As a native black Bostonian, who returned home after college in the South, I have seen the best of Black Boston and the worst.

You're definitely getting schooled on the tough side if you ride the MBTA (FYI routes like the 23, 28 are to be avoided at all costs whenever possible), but I hate that you havent been able to see the positive side as well.

I feel like you just have to be more 'in the know' here, especially since so many of us who are doing well are quiet about ours. The black community here has been through a lot and our gruff demeanor shows that. There are also a good mix of social classes that determine how we interact with other races and even within our own.

Keep your eyes open and you may learn alot more about why we are the way we are.

OG, The Original Glamazon said...


I have seen the positive side and my biggest gripe is that there are many blacks who segregate themselves from each other. To me that is the most deshartening part, there is not a lot of unity and there is a lot of classism amongs the blacks here. Some blacks don't/won't even fraternize with other blacks.

I ride MBTA but my bus ride is from DOrchester to UMASS usually nothing crazy. Just the one day I happen to be on the bus. The thing is I find there tends to be this we seperate ourselves from the lessers attitude I do not like. I mean I know that is around everywhere, but here it is different.

Don't get me wrong I do like Boston just not a place I would call home for an extended period time. Its funny most blacks from Boston can't beleive that I like the city. Thanks for your input though it helps with my big picture.