When I was young my standards about a man were OOOOOh so different. Then I married someone who had a majority of the things OG’s perfect mate list.
What I didn’t realize that most of those things were NOT as important as I thought. Actually I realized that my list was not really my list, but a list of what I thought women in general wanted. My list was built on the surface things that keep relationships from falling into despair. What I didn’t realize is that all relationships will fall into hard times and when the times are emotionally hard a man’s degree, bank account, car(s), investment portfolio or gainful employment doesn't really matter.
The truth is, it is often the loss of one of those things on the list that sends the relationship into the emotional recession. That is what it was for me, my ex husband lost part of his business and his income was reduced and so was his self- esteem and who he projected to be, mostly because who he thought he was was all tied up in being a card carrying member of a good man on paper club. Anyway…my marriage and divorce told me something I have known since I was girl, go back to the basics.
A man's character and integrity is not determined by what he has, who he is, or what he looks like. Actually his character often determines his success in those things.
I realized I was not a woman who needed security provided for me, not that there is anything wrong with a man providing a woman with security. I just happen to be very good at taking care of myself. All I really need in that aspect is for you to take care of yourself.
I’m not a list maker but the following list was off the top of my head after reading -1- ‘s post about what she wanted. Really the only thing I really need from a man is to be able to be me. I know that sounds crazy but I feel like I am a fiery ball of contradiction, and for many men it’s been very hard for them to reconcile the part of me they identify with to the part of me that is often contradictory to who I SHOULD be based on who they know.
I need a man who understands how I can read Cornell West and listen to TI. Who really thinks within the historical context of the question What Would Jesus Do? For example, Jesus would side with those who the world tries to outcast today (today’s L, B, T, and G community is nothing more than our modern day lepers as far as how some treat them and as far, as I am concerned, they should be embraced by Christians the same way Jesus embraced the lepers and others outside of mainstream Judaism). I need a man who can understand that under the flyyyyest Chinese Remy light yaki textured lace front is a beautiful head of kinks and curls that I just might sport on the weekend or even the next day and because I love GLAMOUR doesn’t mean I don’t love me in the raw (no make-up , no-hair, a heavily conditioned pony tail, sweats, and flip flops) .
A man who is secure enough not to mind when I ask him questions about his decisions, and knows the difference between question asking and people questioning him. A man who can love a chick who can understand complex theories and stances on being black while chillin’ in the cut, a chick who can watch I Love New York, and discuss how hip-hop has completely tinged a great deal of female ambition with sexuality.
So with out further adieu here is the list I came up straight off the dome.
A man who loves God
A man who understands Jesus
A man who is ambitious
A man who is smart
A man who thinks
A man who does what he says
A man who means what he says
A man with integrity
A man who leaves no doubt in my mind he loves me
A man who can take care of himself
A man who can lead me with out me feeling like a child or a sheep
A man who respects me as an equal and loves my strength
A man who lives his life consciously and is in the present (not driven by his past or limiting his future)
A man who views life as one big BALL of possibility
A man who LOVES me unconditionally and I can love unconditionally
I’m sure I forgot a few, but I really don’t make lists these days.
TOM A in 3 days!! Talk about excited!!