Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Pure as the driven slush

Man, my head is spinning with so many things to talk about. While watching the Today show I kept thinking now I should blog about that, but well most of it seems to have left my head. Then on the bus ride to work I was reading a magazine. I don’t know why but I ABSOLUTELY love magazine and newspaper reading, well more so magazines. Anyway more this is blog worthy thinking. So now I am here and I am trying to decide what to write and well it’s a haberdashery of thought that is not quite ready to go to market so what you get today are the things that managed to stick in my head long enough to make it to the page.

I guess the one thing that is sticking in my head is this Promise/ Purity Ring thingee that apparently hopped of at the MTV awards; first off I can’t tell you when I last watched MTV or any of it awards shows. Even if I had cable I doubt this show would have made my list…well maybe I do find those shows to provide some white noise and blog fodder occasionally but really anything worth noting I will be sure to pickup in my daily reading. Anyway here is the story the host, who I have never heard of ( look I’m a black thirty-something this is NOT my demo…my demo was back when Chris Rock was hot and usta host …that was like 10 years ago) made a joke about having a promise ring of one ot the Jonas brothers ( I do know who they are. Why? I have no clue as to why.).

I thought it was cute, but apparently Jordin Sparks didn’t think the joke so cute. For those who don’t know the purity rings are about pledging abstinence until marriage ( I think) and wear rings to symbolize and remind them of this promise or maybe its more like a warning label or perhaps even a gauntlet to some of those who find things like making kids break their promise of abstinence a favorite past time. The thing that really stood out for me in the 5 minute story on Today was Jordin’s retort. She said something like hey there’s nothing wrong with promise rings not all of us want to be sluts. YEP

That right there…Yep that was the phrase and see that is my problem. See there is nothing wrong with YOUR decision to not give it up AND there is nothing wrong with you wanting to flaunt it in a nation of sexually active and overactive people. However there are two things that trouble me about Jordin’s statement. Her statement totally takes away the whole point of the purity pledge movement which is to make the promise and keep the promise of abstinence until marriage or your first pregnancy if you’re Bristol Palin. Wearing a purity ring doesn't make you better.

It’s not some badge of honor or should I say ring of glory that allows you to feel better about yourself because you have exhibited some kind of control over your loins. Look sex is a personal issue and enforcing this whole Madonna/Whore dichotomy into an already crazy life of puberty is wrong, but hey Jordin is a kid and apparently where she comes from having sex makes you a slut.

Unfortunately it’s not that simple. It’s not that easy. You see we live in a world of grays and the sooner we teach our kids that life is about choices and choices have consequences the better off we would be. I have just never gotten, the don’t do it because I said so school of thought. The thing is this the experts that discussed this topic noted that the purity ring wearers start out strong (like me on my work out game) but cave in (like me on my work out game) and because they don’t discuss any other option but NOT doing the nasty they are usually the ones who end up with STDs and unwanted pregnancy because they don't know what precautions to take. I mean handing a kid a condom doesn't make a kid have sex any more than not handing them a condom stops them from having sex. If it was only SO SIMPLE!

It just seems like this is irresponsible way to raise our kids. Not the virginity part, the pretending sex will never come up or need to be dealt with. Look sex is a fact of life and in this country our sexual repression has driven us to the heights of sexual dysfunction I just think when will we realize that we haven’t fixed anything. The blame is falling on our media and entertainment. I mean after all we are quite the racy country, however I think everything is about sex because sex is so taboo. I mean we are ranked number one among industrialized countries in teenage pregnancy. I mean really? I guess everyone is not keeping their promises.

Anyway I digress, the statement about not wanting to be sluts just reminded me of some girls I knew back in college who were all about they were guaranteed fresh! They were in there late teens almost twenty and these two went on and on about their special purpose (if you watch the Jerk you’ll get that). They were always talking about it and always insinuating that they somehow were better because they hadn’t done the horizontal mambo. I mean come on one more thing to make teenage girls put other teenage girls down about. They were comical to me, because while I didn't hold my virginity as some SPECIAL winged gift, I also wasn't giving a way a free piece with purchase.

I thought it interesting that they were so stupid. I mean I was a virgin until I was 18 and I never went on and on about it. I guess I never thought it was anything special other than like everything else in my life the situation hadn’t presented itself and OH YEAH my Grandmother had me shook. In my life I was all about making my family proud and I figured out that bringing home a baby as a young girl was not the way. Anyway I never discussed my sexual encounters with just any ol’ body and I most certainly didn’t discuss my lack of sexual behavior with the whole free world or at least the free world that could peep my fingers. I guess I should have bragged when I had the chance.

Sex is a personal choice, whether you're young or old. I think what we need to get away from is thinking bad about a person if they choose to or choose not to engage in sex. I have to tell you I have met a few thirty year old virgins and I find that to be a commendable choice if that is what works for you (and no neither of those chicks managed to graduate FRESH!!). I have met women who have decided to become celibate until marriage and I have met women who barely made it to be 12 year old virgins and thought celibacy was some new Yoga at Equinox. The thing that was common was that they seemed to be making the decision fro them that best fit who they were as a person and what their lifestyle was.

I like sex, so you won’t find me telling anybody to abstain as a matter a fact I have met a few women that I think are really in need of an orgasm. It would make them MUCH more pleasant. What you will find me saying is make the decision for you and I guess I’m old school, but keep the decision private. It seems that every kid has a promise ring on like a live strong bracelet but we are having more teenage mothers…hmmmm that don’t add up.

So here is my thoughts make the promise and keep it to yourself. If you decide that you are ready to break the promise please do it safely and responsibly and keep it to yourself. All this wear a ring to remind you blah blah blah…. For real, we think that works? Oh well maybe it does…I ain’t nobody's momma so I guess I really should just be quiet on the whole issue.

Be EZ,


sdg1844 said...

I just wish everyone would STFU already (I see you Jordin). We just don't know how to be quiet and not tell all our business in this country. Verbal diarrhea has struck this country and folks act like it's some form of authenticity.

What happened to keeping your private life private? I'm so tired of people offering up their business on a silver platter for folks to digest.

This is why as a 40yr. old woman, MTV (Thank God)is not catering to me any damn way. They all need to go somehwere and sit down. I have Zero patience for this nonsense.

NoRegrets said...

You know, I once in a spurt of road rage anger shouted to a woman in the next car that she needed some sex... It is indeed true.

Sister Girl said...

"Special Purpose" from The Jerk had me rolling....(LOL)

I have NEVER thought it was anybody's business what the heck I was doing,& if I abstain...it's for what's good for me. You can't look at me & tell if I'm the biggest hoe or a frigid freak, and I like it JUST like that !


SaneAndSingle said...

I find it very interesting that having sex automatically makes one a slut! People really need to get their heads out of their asses and look at reality!

Mizrepresent said...

I hear you Glam, i say don't judge, be not judged. It is most definitely an individual decision, and because i had sex at a young age, that is the least of my worries, or concerns today...i know that i made that decision and i don't even regret it...it didn't take away from who i was then, or who i am now, or who i am meant to be.

Keith said...

I agree that sex is a personal choice. I agree that young people
should be taught about choices
and consequences and not just told to abstain. It would be nice i everybody could..but they can't and we might as well be realistic about it... Now to quote George H.W. Bush in a speech he actually made- "In the words of our great soul singer Marvin Gaye- "LETS GET IT ON.!!!!!"

CurvyGurl said...

Good points, OG. I think preaching abstinence is futile these days (shoot, it was back when we were teens too). My niece just went off to college and I pray that we prepared her with the knowledge and self esteem needed to make the right decisions.

Trina said...

Girl, this is a really good post. I honestly think it is God who gave us all free will and the ability to choose. Trying to force people to live a certain way is why we have so much repression and twisted thinking about sex in our society. God made sex to be enjoyed and to be a blessing and not a curse. It is so sad when we take what was meant to be beautiful and turn it into something so ugly -

Air-Cooled Head said...

On Point! As sdg sez "What happened to keeping you private life private?"
Why does anyone outside your own skin need to know if you're a virgin, slut, pimp, gay, straight, hedonist, pervert, prude, voyour or whatever? Tell your significant other, but PLEASE, spare the rest of us!
We're becoming a Jerry Springer society.

IntrospectiveGoddess said...

I agree with all of this. I actually had a promise ring it was something that my church came up with but it was really just between me and my mom. I lost my virginity at 19....however it wasnt consensual that is whole other story all together. I actually did share my sexual escapades with friends that were alot more sexually experienced than I so when I told them they were going around telling people that I was a whore...nvm that they were looser than a fat man's elastic drawers....I digress all I have to say is its a personal choice and it is your business and all women who have sex arent whores...just like women who dont have sex arent all pure...thats just my take on things..