Friday, August 1, 2008

Friday Flashback: An Open Letter

Look it's Friday and I don't want to really blog about shyt. Man so I went to digging back in the old archives and found an open letter I wrote on April 25, 2006. If you know me you know I am not one for lists. I don't want to make a list of the things a man should or shouldn't have, but I do know what I want other than him to love me.

So now, as I read this letter I ask myself should I be preparing to give this note to TOM A? *lol* I wrote this letter 3 months before we ever met. So here is my flashback for Friday and you tell me should I print this out and give this to TOM A? I'm just joking...maybe

Be Ez,
OG

April 25

An Open Letter

This weekend...I decided to do a little soul searching and I asked myself what would I tell the next man who dared to try to love me. This is what I came up with. It was very therapuetic. Not sure if I want to love anyone, however I am learning that sometimes things don't happen when you want them to. I just like flexing my creativity in different ways...hope you like


To the man who will make me love him:

Hey, we don’t know each other yet. I mean you don’t know how much you love the nerdy little things I do. You don’t know that you like the fact that my inside voice and my outside voice only barely differ. You don’t know that you love my outspokenness and the way I have an opinion about every phucking thing in the world. You don’t know you love the way I always seem to let you be you, no matter what. You haven’t felt the comfort of my love yet. You haven’t felt the warmth of my touch and how much I care. You don’t know that you phucking hate my outspokenness and how I have an opinion on everything. You wish you knew how someone so strong, independent, and obstinate to others could make you feel like you are “Da Man” when it came to dealing with things concerning me and you. You don’t know you are the only one to see my vulnerability, tears, and fears. Or that your voice calms all those things.

You don’t know that when I look at you, you can feel my love surround you. You don’t know that you have experienced an ally so strong and a friend so great, that you wake up to check every morning and see if I am real. You don’t know that you make me crazy with desire when I think about you thinking about looking at me. You don’t know that when I look at you that all men will fail in comparison. You don’t know that when you touch me, I am ready to rock that all night.

You don’t know that my love will open up a world that we’ve never known, because it will be different because my love for you will be unconditional, many have experienced my loyalty, my kindness, and my like; but FEW have experienced my love. The only reason I am writing you before this love of ours starts is, I may get cold feet and I may get changed before I meet you. I may decide love is not worth the toll. I may decide that love is not meant for me or that love is only for those who look, act, or live a certain way.

So just in case I forget how alive loving you will be, or I let someone take my ability away, I want you to make sure that you are you. I want you to make sure you don’t change anything about yourself. I want to make sure that you don’t let them change you; because I know that if you remain who you are, there will be no way that I can do anything but love you. If you are you then there is no way that I can’t love you. It won’t matter what the world does to me or how it may make me doubt happiness and all those things people write about, if you are you- I will love you, because I have no choice.

I will have no choice to love you because when I look into your eyes I will know that you were made for me. When you touch me my heart will flutter and my soul will smile. I may put up a front at first, because many will have come to steal the love I have for you from me, but I will know. All I say is just let me be me and love me, because I will recognize you by your love, the look in your eyes, and the warmth of your embrace. . It won’t be easy loving me, but it will be very worth it.

Ok, well I have to go now, I am not sure if we have met yet. I am not sure if I will even like you when I meet you, however I am sure that if you love me just a little perhaps I might give up the armor around my heart and trust you with it, just remember I do all this heart protection because love is life changing and losing love is gut wrenching, two things that really scare me. I don’t want fear to make me miss you, but maybe it already has. If it hasn’t and you are still around, just lean in, look me in my eyes and say “Monique, just take a chance and trust me with your heart.” I can’t promise I will, but I will try to trust you with my heart and hopefully love you and that is more than I have done in a very long time.


Your love,
The eternal optimist




13 comments:

Sister Girl said...

Sheer brilliance !

How in the heck did I miss this great piece ? I know...it's because I'm still trying to catch up with everything on MSN Spaces,Yahoo 360,& Blogger !

By the time I finish one day of blog, you set my thought processes into overdrive & I have to step back to settle down. This is yet ANOTHER one of those "deep" writings(and I know how you disagree)...but it is.

T.

NoRegrets said...

Wow..
But giving to someone you're just getting to know? Overwhelming, I think...

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

NoR I've known TOM A for over 2 years I'm not just getting to know him, just starting to LOVE him. *lol*

I wrote the letter because I didn’t really have a list of what I wanted from a man, but I knew I need to write down what love would look like or feel to me or from me. I knew what I wanted to tell the man who I would love and who would love me. You know just more a flexing in my creativity muscles.

If I could write a letter to the man who loved me, before he loved me this letter was it. I doubt I will ever give this to TOM A although I do feel like he read this letter somehow someway. Because when I was talking about how I want to feel when loving that man or how he feels about me, this is eerie to me how it describes our relationship. It’s also really scary because this was the first time I really talked about how I feared the scar tissue of dating (baggage) might make me miss the man who was there to love me.

That's why I always try to watch the words I put out in the universe because I truly believe words have power to create our realities, but that’s because I fancy myself a writer. Self-importance is a helluva drug!

-OG

Crys said...

i remember when i first read that....i think i fell in love with YOU! LMAO! and NO - you can't print it out and give it to TomA - because i am printing it out and giving it to TomE tonight....and i would hate for the topic to ever come up in group conversation - you would really make yourself look bad - LMAO

Sister Girl said...

OG..

The way this could be conceived depends on the mind & heart of the READER. There are many ways of seeing what is before you & what I observed was like a "diary" entry.

Keep on doin' tha thang..

T.

WNG said...

It's GREAT!
I think that you should give it to him and tell him that it wasn't written for him but the IDEA of him.

From what you've said about him I think he'll understand and appreciate it.

I'm glad you found this voice from your past and I'm glad you're listening to it.

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

Crys- LMAO you are really really crazy. I can see it now on the couplecation.

TOM A: Man, Mo gave me this letter...real talk man. It was an open letter talking about how her love was like WHOA! (much like that AZZ!!)

TOM E: You know Crys gave me something like that a few months ago sans azz!

Baby Boo: What you fools know about them vowels of LOVE!!

ANYWAY...

@SG- I'm glad you weighed in on the reader's perspective.

@WNG- I totally dig the idea of you thing. That makes sense maybe I will actually send it as a letter. Although I really would like to read it to him wile laying in his lap! I doubt I'll do NAY of THAT!

-OG

crys said...

as if your head would be face up in his lap anyway
you're not fooling me...i KNOW you boo
lmao!

Sister Girl said...

OMG !...I'm outta this (ROFLMBAO)

T.

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

@Crys- You are cheapening my love letters with innuendos of hoeish ways! (notice I did not deny said acusations) Please remember here on my blog I'm a phuckin' lady, Crys!

@SG- This is what happens when keeping it real knows your blog URL! *lol*

-OG

Keith said...

And Women say Men talk a lot of
sysss...Hahahahahahaha...If I may toss my two cents in...I think you should give it to him...I myself,
Closet Hopeless romantic that I am would be flattered if my woman wrote something like that for me.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

sounds like he will be blessed to have u

Mizrepresent said...

I love it and i say, if he is the one, an only you truly know...Give i to him!