Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I really am a GROWN UP

So I was on the phone with my friend Bus Chick talking. Life, mainly work, kids, and four thousand miles, keep us from chatting on any kind of regular basis. We tend to talk at least monthly or when something important happens, which ever comes first. The impromptu stuff takes at least two voice mails and a couple of text to set up the actual call.

A few things happened this weekend when talking to my friend. As many of you know I've been having some milestone things happen in my life, well just some cool things maybe not milestone. This weekend seemed like a good time to give the life update to my girl. We chatted as usual and caught up on what's been happening in each others lives. Hers of course filled with the typical lentement things mixed with the cool exciting life as a professional writer. It's funny we hardly ever talk about her day job, I guess that how I know that writing is her true profession and I definitely knows it the one she loves. I think she will do it. She's already my Carrie Bradshaw ( well, the kinda black, environmentalist, transit version), now she's on the buses in Seattle (just like Carrie) and she is on her way to a conference to pitch her book to an agent. I am so proud to call her my friend! Did I mention she also has a weekly column in Real Change, a free paper in Seattle. Anywho

As we were talking I mentioned something about my married life and when I finished she tells me that she almost forgot I was married. I took that statement as positive, because it means my references to my old life are fewer and farther between, at least to people I don't talk to regularly. I mean I doubt Mandy will ever forget I'm married (oh the price one pays as a BFF). Anyway, I think that means I'm healing. I won't say healed because only a fool would believe they are completely healed over something without doing the real evaluation that one needs to do to pronounce themselves healed. I haven't done that self-evaluation yet. I've started it, but lets just say the kinda evaluating that I have to do is going to take real deep thought, meditation and prayer. Good news is...I feel I am almost there.

The other thing that came to mind while talking to Bus Chick about life, is that I am really a grown up. I am a full functioning self-sufficient grown up. When I think of my life as a kid and thinking what my grown up life might be, I have to admit this is not at all what I imagined. Actually it is better than I imagined. I have a life that has been full of ups and downs and all the way arounds. I have a life that is full of love and solid relationships. I have people in my life who understand who I am and who have the same mindset I do. I have people in my life who ask me the hard questions because they know it will make me better. I have people in my life who love me, flaws and all ( had to get my Beyonce love on there!!). I have people in my life who I love and respect not because of who they are or the cool things the do but because of the content of their characters and the brightness of their souls. Wow I am an adult. I am a happy adult. And I am a blessed adult.

Sure my life is not perfect and this world is far from it, but I can say that I am happy with me. Sure I need to improve on things and no one is perfect, but I am so comfortable in my now. My life has room for improvement, I got all kinds of thAngs (yes thaAngs are super serious things) happening around and to me, but I am happy with me. Everything I can control in my life I am controlling. And not over controlling it.

I think before I went overboard my idea of control was perfection. The things I could control I obsessed over and tried to make them perfect. I tried to be the perfect friend, employee, person. Then I realized that control is not perfection and if I stopped trying to be perfect and just tried to control the controlable things, then I would be fine. The problem with chasing perfection is its a double edge sword. It makes you better and more driven but it also can make you unrealistic in your view of things and expectations of people. Whoever said relax, relate, release was a GENIUS!! Because nothing will ever be perfect becasue that would mean the things you can control and the things you can't control have aligned perfectly for a moment of serendipity that only happens in the movies.

However it doesn't matter how controllable the things in life are, the uncontrollable things will interfere with them. If you are chasing perfection an uncontrollable thing can wipe out your controllable world. If your aim is just to control things an uncontrollable thing will make you make adjustments. I hope that all made sense. I just was thinking. You know since now I am a real live adult I figured I'd do that, I was told that's what adults do, THINK.

Be EZ,


Sister Girl said...

Hey ladybug !

Isn't it simply amazing just how far you've come...yet how much further you can still go ? I learned a long time ago that if you just relax & *let it flow (Thanks to Toni Braxton for that reference), life can be such a wonderful collection of tidbits to relish.

I will always believe that I had to go through the fire to get me where I could sustain,maintain,and move forward because my toes are facing FORWARD(huh...that sounds familiar).

And please,keep on being a blessing others in all the ways you do.

Crys said...

relax, relate & release....oh how i miss me some whitley gilbert!

sdg1844 said...

Good post OG! I was one of "those people" chasing perfection and trying to control thangs because so much around me had been out of my control.

I've now grown up as well and remain a work in progress. :-)

leva said...

Gene and I talk all the time about how we’re grown and onda weekends how we’re REALLY REALLY grown. lol That could mean a number of things, but mostly it means we’ve grown to enjoy anything life throws at us. We have a good time hanging with the kids, just watching a movie or like yesterday singing Happy Birthday to Ebby and eating cake and ice cream.

Of course we enjoy our friends and hanging out with our couples peoples. We love the jazz clubs, karaoke and even book clubs together. Now I know you know I’m keeping this PG so I’ll stop here. We’re still dealing with the effects of the accident, but it’s still a growth process.

Feels good being grown huh? Like McDonald’s…I’m loving it!

DetroitRockCity said...

im only 20 and ive been having thoughts like that as of late that im really close to being a complete self sufficient adult. my mom isnt even there which shows me that your age doesn't make you a grown up. its your mentality!

Big Man said...

One of my very first blogs was about "Getting Grown." It's a weird thing to realize. At 27, I'm a married man, with a mortgage, son and 401K, yet I still remember vividly what it was like to be a child. It's so weird.

(I saw the comment you made about me on BlogsWeLuv, man, I almost teared up. Well, not really, but i did blush and get a warm feeling.)

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

@ Big Man- I meant it. I read you like the newspaper man, everyday. Ok M-F. I even read you from my phone on vacation, but didn't want to think too much and comment.

I had meant to mention I was on blogsweluv but I was working and then being all Angela Davis on blogs and stuff! Plus how do you mention that? I guess the same way I mentioned being on BC blog, however she’s my IRL friend. So not quite the same.

I like you feel like I can touch my childhood it’s so close, but that's not what the calendar says. *lol*

@DRC- Let me tell you it’s GREAT and you’re just at the tip of being grown. So it only gets better. I remember thinking I was grown at your age and then later at 25 and then even later at 30. However there is something to be said for feeling like I am in total control of me.

It’s nice to live a life that to me is so exciting. I feel blessed because its more than I asked for. So keep doing grown and KNOW it gets better.

@Leva- YOU ARE SO NASTY!! Ebby had a birthday how fun is that! Keep on being grown and REALLY REALLY REALLY Grown with your broken knee. *lol* TOO MUCH INFO!!

@sdg- I am glad you feel me. Doesn't it feel much better not trying to be something you can never be?

@crys- I'll just have Veronica say it to you next time she's around it will almost be like Whitley herself! *lol*

@sister girl- I'm glad you feel me. I think you and Leva have been reading my life a long time now. Leva, it’s been 3-4 years we've known each other blog and IRL so SG its probably been what 2-3 years sine you became my number one supporter. Thank You for that, its always meant a lot to me! You really know my valleys, forks in the road, and road blocks that I've been through. You also have watched me working out on paper and get the best, not right, answer. I don’t believe in right and wrong, black and white.

I, like you, believe one must go THROUGH some thAngs to get to some things!! I've been working on piece about this in my journal, but it ain't ready just yet. But soon. Real Soon. I think!


Keith's Space said...

I was reading this and thinking how very much alike we are...You're like the flipside of my coin.. We are true Aries...I too have been told that I am a Control freak. I have been working on my "control issues" for
about a year...I'm going to do a post in the near future on where I think mine began.(When I get the nerve)lololol.
I think we all have to heal from
something...a bad marriage, a friendship that went south, a lost job...or just our own unstored baggage as I like to call it.
A true Grown up knows how to move
Great Post O.G.