Thursday, December 13, 2007

Random & Inappropriate Thoughts

From Free to RIP
Today Pimp C will be laid to rest in P.A.T! If you know me you know I was all about Pimp and UGK if you don’t believe me here is some proof of my love and some more proof of my love
There is even more proof of my love but hell I ain’t gotta prove NOTHING to NO one!! RIP Pimp C Imma miss ya REAL GOOD!!

Here are some RANDOM inappropriate thoughts I had this morning concerning Pimp’s memorial service. Only because I am me and I am real will I even share them.

I wonder how many bytches will go there trying to bop?
You know if there is any promise of ballers being around, BOPPERS will appear NO MATTER what the occasion or how INAPPROPRIATE it is for them to be there.
I wonder how many will look like they are at the club and not a funeral?
This is COMPLETELY RHETORICAL we all know most will be there scantily dressed and many will think the addition of a black hat, sunglasses and the fact that their outfit is black makes their ensemble appropriate! Hey I like T&A at the funeral it breaks up the monotony when people watching. I know when I catch a nip here and there it helps me collect myself through the grief!
I wonder if I ever inadvertently meet Pimp or Bun when in high school ?
We are the same age and our schools were in the same district so I played lots of basketball in P.A.T. and went to lots of football games there too. On second thought, scratch that question, I think I would have KNOWN if I met Pimp C even back then.
I wonder what Bey is wearing to the funeral?
As you can tell my borderline Beyonce standom does sometimes get in the way of my decorum and upbringing! I’m sorry I really want to know.
I wonder how many people will rush out and scan the funeral program and how long it will be before I get that scan?
I think tons will scan and I think I will see the program before the day's end or by tomorrow morning, even though I am not on any official ghetto hotlines. If I was I would say I’d have the e-mail of program by days end no doubt!
I wonder who will get thrown out for trying to take unauthorized pictures?
Oh COME ON y'all KNOW somebody gonna try! Look I do NOT want to see any of these MORBID azz pictures I am already mad at my memories of Cocaine is a Hellluva Drug Rick James and Thundercat James Brown being replaced with those MORBID AZZ death bed pictures that were sent to me!! I need to remember Pimp FULL OF life. However, you already know my nosey azz will look if somebody snaps a shot !!! DAMN me and my inability not to want to KNOW - I wonder if Bey will be wearing all black ( see what I mean!!)

Ok Ok Ok enough with that moving on to something else…

You will be missed Pimp

You better learn how to work that pole!

There seems to be some trouble in paradise with Tony Parker and Eva Longoria. Click here for trouble! Some model jumpoff is spilling the beans about her and TP. Then Eva of course is DENY, DENY, Denying- IN DENIAL about the incident!!

Look the jumpoff says Eva don’t like phucking in the mirror and she don’t like cum on the face, based on those two things being fact, Imma say TP is getting freaky with someone else. Rule number one is if you are not doing things your man (in this case your HUSBAND) likes then guess what, he eventually is going to be weakened by some ho who not only does those things but thinks those things are normal. Trust me I know, I’ve been that ho!!

Now when you add the fact that TP is a professional basketball player on top of that!! I just think Eva must want to be a real life Desperate Housewife otherwise she would learn every trick them hoes do on the road plus an extra one or two only she can do!! I mean I say she got off easy if he just like watching himself phuck her in a mirror and cumming on her face, come on I know bytches that was doing that in the 7th grade!! LAWD !! It's your husband Eva!! And I am sure based on the acting skill I see on DH you did a few tricks on the casting couch! Then again so much of Hollyweird is gay maybe you didn't !!

Look I am a divorcee and there were there things I wouldn’t do with my husband yes, most included video tapes and boy am I glad I didn’t because that little bitter azz ample hipped midget threatened to post the few clips of my naked breastessezz that he had online when we were breaking up, but for the most part I tried to be open minded. I mean imagine if I had let him film the nasty walking porn show I am (well actually I wasn’t so nasty with him- why that’s a WHOLE ‘nother blog).

Anyway I feel like this, you need to know the nature of men and the nature of your man to truly survive and thrive in this relationship game. I think all men like new pussy and then every man has those things that turn them on specifically. You have to do your part to keep their inner potential to roam and bone down. I mean if you keep it fresh and new if you seem open to most things they want to try (notice I say most, cause I don’t want NONE of you bycthes blaming me for any kinda kinky barnyard sex your man might be into! I WILL NOT take responsibility for you phucking any OTHER SPECIES). I mean at least listen and if you can’t do it, try to find a middle ground! Maybe he can’t phuck you in the ear but tell him you will jack him off on to your ear. SEE THE COMPROMISE!!

I mean, men will be men we know they look, they flirt and some will even do dirt. However we, as women, need to do our part. I by no means am taking responsibility for any fool that cheated on me, however if I hadn’t been giving him all my love dedication, and my sex game was not A-1, Pimp Tight, Porn Star Grade A then Imma take a little bit of culpability for his indiscretion(s) (SECRETLY of course) but by no means am I gonna accept or say I drove him into another woman’s arms, but I am gonna say I did leave the garage door open, the car door unlocked, and depending on who we talking about I may have left the keys under the seat.

I see it this way, if it is your husband, especially, or significant other why not put it all out there and do what you do. He shouldn’t judge you for trying to explore your sexual limits together or for trying to fulfill his. Isn’t part of a relationship about learning what pleases each other and what makes each of you happy? He likes freaky sex you like expensive bags find a way to make that work for both of saying baby you know what makes my booty cherry WET, he will IMMEDIATELY ask you what, this is when you respond a brand new set of Louis Vuitton luggage! See how that works for EVERYONE involved!

I mean after all its between you two, well depending on how you get down it may be between you three or four or you, him and German Shepard- but I digress, and as long as you guys are happy with what you are doing PHUCK what your friends, family, or the world say ( well don’t phuck what yo’ momma say. Just lie to her and DENY, DENY, DENY any freaky shyt that could get back to her. Don’t break yo’ momma’s heart! On second thought , yo’ momma probably already know you’re a ho. )

Ok enough about me and my incredible WHORISH thoughts and advice!!

Be EZ,

Disclaimer: This blog was mostly written to make you gape and gawk and by no means reflects my true sexual character. My true sexual character is much worse than any of this shyt I put in print!!


Crys said...

i'm saving my booty cherry for marriage. thank you very much!

Smokie said...

Of course, I love The Pimp, and I will definitely miss him. I sure do hate that I couldn't attend the funeral and secure that PROGRAM.

And side note: if I were a man, I'd be rock hard right now. Thanks....

Slick Willy said...

Can I give you my wifes number so you can talk some sense into her? If not do you want mine? LOL. ;-) you are definitely on point with this one.


Diva Leva said...


Of course you know I agree with you 20,000%.