Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I will take the...

I have been ordered to keep this blog semi-current at best, so since I have ONE loyal reader (besides myself), I will try to blog on a semi-regular basis. So in an effort to please the masses or in this case the un-masses (one person has to be the un-masses right?) I give you today’s blog:

Choices, life is so full of choices there are so many and so many ways to go. Being a normal human being I rarely think deeply about others and their choices or lack of choices until I’m forced to. I am not saying I don’t notice peoples choices I’m just saying I wouldn’t notice your choice unless there was something about the choice that stood out, like it was something I WOULD never choose, or it’s something that I never thought about choosing, but now that you have chosen it I think I should try that, or it is the SAME choice the chooser always makes. I think the latter of those three choice alternatives is the most upsetting to me because of how I grew up. My family, my dad especially, always taught me about not wanting to be average. He always taught me about the good in being different. (Hindsight: I know they taught me that because I would always be different I’m very tall for a girl and I was no waif, so a life of always being noticed was destined! I guess it the same reason that I NEVER had bad posture like so many tall girls who slouched to look shorter and fit in! Or the same reason I was really ok with dating shorter or smaller men from time to time, because their stature never made me feel uneasy about mine!) Anyway….

So, all my life I always grew up kind of different and I never felt bad for that. He taught me to try something before I decided I didn’t like it and he also just always pushed me to be outside my comfort zone, but as I became older inevitable human nature set in. The desire to be safe the desire not to want to take a chance because of all the bad chances did come to me. The comfort of knowing that choosing this will mean that will happen. So I too have been guilty of riding in my comfort zone until the WHEELS FELL OFF!!

I have a friend who is really trying to grow outside her box, and I see it is truly a struggle for her. She had a MAJOR win today, one small step for her is ONE GIANT STEP for her kind!! The thing is going outside our box is struggle for most, but for her I think what gets her is fear. What if this is not good, or what if I get hurt, or what if I make the wrong decision. I think what she doesn’t see is all the positives of making choices. I mean sure you make the same choices everyday because they work for you and they seem to be solid choices but what if there is a choice out there that is EVEN BETTER, does more than work for you, makes you happier than you ever have been, or instead of looking at a bad choice as a failure why not see it as confirmation that your choice was the RIGHT one. To me I don’t see failure as bad or horrible I see it as an opportunity, you know like that Dyson commercial about failure where he talks about how they learn from failure. So I guess that is why choice doesn’t scare me as much and if someone points out me riding dirty in my comfort zone I am quick to reevaluate and chose something new, if I haven’t ever or haven’t in a while!

I look at life like this, sometimes we are not going to make the right choice but the battle is in knowing what we are choosing. Like with me and men. I will pretty much go out on a date with any man who asks me. It’s my one date rule. I know that in one date I can size you up, generally I can size you up in less than that, but because I never want to be closed minded I go out with 95% of my askers- ok 90%.

I guess I am the same way in life, my ex use to say I was always looking for the next best thing, but really I feel if you don’t have a new goal after you meet your goal you will be stagnate. I mean when I bought my first house I knew that it was going to be for the next 7 years at the most if I would have stayed married in it, because in seven years I wanted us to be doing so much better that we needed to start making a plan to move into a new house in the next three years. Even in my house now. I just moved in but I have so many to dos on my list to make that house even better that I can’t rest. I mean what if Bey would have been happy just being in Destiny’s Child I mean really they are the greatest GIRL GROUP in pop music history now! Think of all the fabulousness that we would be missing now !! Look I know there are some places in my life where I am stagnating, like men.

I am so afraid these days to make choices or push outside of the box because I don’t think I am strong enough to stand the pain of heartache. I don’t know if I am strong enough to pick up the pieces if I make the wrong choice, but I constantly remind myself that what if I never have to pick up the pieces, what if I am making the right choice, or what if I learn what the wrong choice is for me, saving me a lifetime of repeated heartache.

I think it’s funny how the smaller things in life are noting but microcosms for the BIGGER things in life. It all boils down to moving outside of your comfort zone and being able to grow and see new things, whether those things are people, places, or foods!! *lol*

Be EZ,

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