Monday, December 10, 2007

Circle of Trust

Well, I said I would start blogging here! There is just LESS going on here! Blogger being a real blog site means that I have less social obligations as opposed to other social networking sites that offer the ability blog. Here there are no messages about how cute I am or people who want to be may friend because they think their man likes me, or people who attach a price to their cyber friendships like commenting on their blog or writing a 87 blogs a day!

Look I have a life and while I would LOVE to blog everyday if you saw the list of shyt I need to do, you would tell me to skip blogging too! Plus for me my blogs aren’t polls or chats or a way to feel loved by a bunch of random people in the world I know my blogs are therapy and real talk. They are things I say, share, and think that for whatever reason I feel need to be elaborated on and worked out literally (and I mean that literally, literally as in through my literature (writing)!) Anyway my blogs are fun for friends in strangers alike, friend can tell what’s up with me and well strangers can laugh at me and all my neurosis, which is much better than waiting for the short bus to stop in front of your house! Anyway on to today’s topic…trust

I was talking to one of my friends today about men…I know shocker two single, thirty something, black, women were talking about men! Anyway were talking about putting things out there to make sure our heads and our hearts match, you know reality. I mean really if you have been a single woman of any length of time as an adult you understand what men say and what men do are different. You also realize that sometimes men say what they say to manipulate certain feelings or actions out of you. I think that in general I try to take what is said to me to heart, but at the same time I DO NOT… I repeat DO NOT TAKE IT AS TRUTH, until I see evidence to back it up. Its like when I was married, my ex told me how much he loved me just diarrhea at the mouth about it, however his love for me wasn’t even strong enough to set aside a time to honeymoon until our impending divorce then he wanted to go on a honeymoon and take a vacation – feel me. I don’t like men who just talk about stuff, I must really have been born in Missouri and not Texas, because YOU GONE HAVE TO SHOW ME, not just tell me.

Anyway, I was asking my friend why she had made a certain decision and I was like do you believe that or is this something you are telling yourself because now you see there are strong possibilities of reality creeping into your fairy tale. Of course I didn’t say it like that; I don’t want you to think I'm sitting around talking to my friends like this. She said yes, its my head putting my heart on the same page.

My response was remember when life was simple before all the heartbreaks and lies and relationships gone bad, where your heart didn’t have to be slowed down. You just believed what he said and it was true. There were no insecurities or real talk to think about, no wondering if this was just a line cause he was collecting hoes like baseball cards. You simply checked Yes…No… or wrote MAYBE *smiley face* and proceeded to be someone’s gal!!

No worrying about being accosted while out on the playground by his playhouse baby momma’s friends or worse his playhouse baby momma. No worries about opening up his locker and finding a pair of draws. NONE OF THAT well maybe for some women , cause I understand some dudes do START “THE GAME” quite early, but at least NONE of that in elementary school (again I repeat: well maybe for some women , cause I understand some dudes do START “THE GAME” quite early) . Sometime I wish it could be that simple the honesty of elementary love. No worries about being damaged or scorn later or feeling made a fool of!!

I will one day get to that point with a man where I love him and I can trust what he says because it ALL lines up! Like for real for real it ALL lines up!

Be EZ,

No comments: