Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The Good LIfe

Sometimes as I’m randomly doing something, like reading my course chapters for my LSS Green Belt certification, the thought of how truly blessed I am to live my life will float across the depths of my brain.  The thought will then immediately send me into a complete and utter feeling of gratitude to be blessed with the life I have.  And though I’m not saying I don’t have trials and tribulations and the hills and valleys that living life brings, I am saying I feel almost humbled by the blessings that have been bestowed on me. 

I also sit there and reflect just how far I have come in life and how with every new adventure in my life I think this is beyond anything I ever could imagine my life being.  I mean I have a wonderful family whose flaws are far outweighed by who they are as people…good people.  I have friends who love and support me and feel like family, as in our bond will never break.  I have an amazing career that affords me opportunities that I never knew existed.  I have a great man who supports me and loves me for me, not some projected vision of what he thinks I should be based on surface stuff.  All in all I can say that my life is a good one and a happy one and one I’m so very happy to live.

The things that make me appreciate this time even more in life are the dark days.  The times when I struggled, persevered and overcame; and the times I gave it my all and put in every effort and still failed and the times I never even tried and was still ok; and the times things fell into my life like a harbinger of the path I should follow and I listened and the times I ignored those signs too.  All and all it took all those things to get me here the bad decisions helped as much as the great ones. 

As I sit here and just reflect all I keep thinking is life is a sum of parts and the goal is to get your life ratios right for you… good parts and bad parts, impulsive decisions and carefully metered and weighed ones,   useless distractions and costly ones, listening to your heart and making choices with your brain.  To me that’s the beauty of this old thing and to me that’s the what helps me get through the rough times of life. 

Slow and steady wins the race…one step at a time...and all that jazz! 

Be EZ,

Monday, March 4, 2013

Beauty Appointment Epiphanies

I saw this quote the other day when I was at one of my numerous girl appointments. And all I could do is smile and agree.  I think a lot of times, as women, we get caught up in the girl stuff. The hair, the nails, the everything (as in lashes, waxings, make-up that's beat to death, the clothes and the perfect shoe) becomes the focus of our happiness.   And instead of letting our happiness radiate our beauty we stifle it by chasing beauty.  The sooner we all learn beauty is from within and when it comes from the inside no one can take that away from you even if they take away the hair, the nails, the everything the happier we'll all be. With that said, even though I am happy, I'm still glamming it up! I just know my source of happiness is from within and not what I'm putting on the outside. Welp, that's all I have today. Hope you guys are having a great week.

Be EZ,

Monday, February 25, 2013


It’s Monday… and unlike most folks I don’t dread Mondays.  Well I should say I don’t dread them nearly as much as I use to, which is actually not a good thing.  My assumption is that people hate Mondays so much because they are the harbinger of the WORK week to come.  They are so close to that lazy Sunday  that the reality of getting back to the weekly grind of life and work SMACKS them in the face with Monday.  Well Mondays aren't like that to me because well I'm still on my couch like Sunday, except I'm working.

The problem for me is that I don’t have a weekly work grind, so to speak.  I work from home about 70% of the time and because of this my grind life often runs into my leisurely weekend life. I don’t have to wake up by a certain time, to get ready, so I can fight with traffic and be bright eyed and bushy tailed at my desk by some magical time.  Although it sounds great in theory, waking up, brushing your teeth, checking your e-mails, showering , throwing on some sweats , and then getting into your day,wet hair and all, has its disadvantages too. My day is missing something that I need desperately, but until recently was built in for me. That something is structure.  

Yep good old structure from childhood, the thing that we all hate but structure is the thing I severely need. This work from home journey has only reinforced what I know about myself and that is how much better I do with some structure in my life.  Nothing highly regimented like to the hour, but a place to be 3-5 times a week would work for me.  These days I am learning how to build my own structure. It's something that I've never really had to do since college. It's actually worse than college, in a a sense, because I don't even have a steady schedule of classes to work around.  I mean I do have the work day, but what I'm finding is 8-5 is not really enough structure, when you don't leave the house.  Well at least for me.

Today I start on my road to being more disciplined and maintaining some kind of structure and routine to this little old golden life of mine.  I'm actually really excited about it, because I feel my current lack of it is sucking all the time out of my day.  There's no way that I should have this kind of schedule with the professional autonomy I have, and not reap some personal benefits from it. NO WAY!!  So with the Spring will come a more structured and happy Glam!! I can't wait. THE REBIRTH!


Friday, February 22, 2013

Week 1

So I feel like I should disclose to you guys why I've begun blogging again. It's really funny but I have missed blogging for quite some time. However it seems that I just couldn't find my voice.  When I would try to blog either there was nothing I was passionate enough about to make time to write or when I did write the words never quite ordered themselves in a way that made sense and they would find themselves languishing away in draft status.

I believe that sometimes you need to do some living, growing, and reading...every writer should always be reading ABR lol. I've had other long breaks before and the one thing that seems consistent looking back is that I always seem to write when my life is making a major shift. Looking back either I wrote to document the time in my life or my writing documented a shift in my personal philosophy.  But lately the girl in my head has been saying you need to write. Actually the girl in my head has been saying a lot of things. I think its because forty is looming near and I feel this shift into the next phase of my life. Its hard to believe that I have been blogging as long as I have when I look at this I think back to how much was in front of me back then. I posted that and had no idea that I would blog through a marriage falling apart and losing a very good friend. Even when I came here to Blogger I started off slow, just documenting days that had personal significance until I again had a major shift in my life professionally ( and personally too) and moved to Boston for almost a year.  2008 was definitely a year of growth and change.  I'm glad I have here to look back at those times.

And now I have this feeling. It's the same feeling I had when I moved to Boston. It's this feeling that my steps are ordered and God is making my path to the next THING for my life.  It's that thing where you see all things working together for the good. It's serendipity. It's being awake. It's being in the now but being able to feel the next step before it even makes it. It's the universe doing its thing and you watching it. It's beautiful.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

FIERCELY Interdependent

It’s funny when I was a young 20 something coming into her own. I waved my independence like a flag girl at a high school half-time show.  Every time I would talk with my Auntie Linda, my elder ear and sounding board for life, I was always telling her what I wasn't going to do for a man.  Not that I hated men, but at that point in my life  I felt that doing anything traditional for my man would do nothing but help continue the status quo of our patriarchal society.  To me, reminding people that I didn't need a man and I could take care of myself was placing a flag in the sand and letting the world know I AM WOMAN and we are equal to men!!

 It never occurred to me that wearing my independence like some kind of merit badge was not only detrimental to the cause but it really wasn't what I believed.  It’s what I thought I needed to believe… with 3 hours between me and a second degree in Women’s Studies, I had sat in tons of classes on feminism from both minority and white perspectives, although more white than not. And what I gleaned from those feminist minds was in order to be respected you have to a)be independent b) reject all vestiges of traditional gender roles  and c) remind everyone every chance you get about how you are doing A and B. I'm not saying that's what they were teaching, I'm saying that's how I was processing their lessons. 

My aunt never argued, never told me how silly that was, she simply laughed and said I don’t know if that’s the route you want to choose to go with your feminism. Like any other young woman new to the cause and eager for CHANGE and HOPE I reduced her views down to being antiquated and southern. That’s so hilarious to me now, because she was definitely the opposite of that. And I viewed her as progressive on everything but how to take care of (or not take care of) your man. I mean after all, she was one of the first female frame operators at Southwestern Bell back in the 70’s.

Side note: Remind me to tell you more about my aunt and her influence in my life and my delicate balance of belle and brawn.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I Am the Result of My Grandmother’s Prayers

Saturday night, like the Houstonian and Beyoncé fan that I am I tuned in to her HBO documentary, Life Is but A Dream.  Being a longtime fan of Mrs. Carter, I was delighted she let us in to see her life and her humanity.  I also was pleased to see that she is very aware of said humanity and the fact that “To whom much is given, much is required.”

She also realizes that who she is, is an answer of the prayers of her grandmother.  At the end she shares that she believes she is a result of her grandmother’s prayers and I felt such a connection to that thought.  I’m not delusional fan who believes she is Beyoncé  or that her choices and thoughts should somehow guide me but I do believe I am Beyoncé  and she is me.  When you strip the auspice of fame and fortune Beyoncé is just like any other woman. She puts her sequined bodysuit one leg at time like every- okay anybody else who has cause to wear a sequined bodysuit does.  And like any woman who grew up in a family that prays together, she and I realize that we are recipients of blessings that were not a result of anything we did but the answers of fervent prayers from those that love us dearly and put God at the center of their world, and thus ours.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Guess Who’s Back?

Hello young world! I’m sure no-one has noticed but I haven’t been here. And I miss it… well I miss writing and here is where I usta do that. Here is where I usta pontificate on things that resonated with me and work out issues that blocked my growth.  Here was a place where I celebrated the victories in my life, mourned the defeats and learned how to navigate some of lives most twisted paths….all with words and stories and euphemisms about what it meant to be me at that time.  My views of the world and how they related to me were all worked out HERE.

When I moved almost 2000 miles away from home, here was where I came to feel connected in a new and different world, it is where I came to document the loves of my life and the losses, its where I came to work out my thoughts and my beliefs and my feelings about things. Here is where the pain of growth and self-reflection met the joys of self-discovery and new horizons.  And yet I haven’t been here consistently for years.