Tuesday, December 30, 2008


Man, it is almost over and well 2008 was quite a year! Four years ago on today one event changed my life forever ….FOR THE BETTER. It was the beginning of the end of my marriage but it was the beginning of the rest of my BEST LIFE EVER. It kicked off a journey that had many valleys and mountain tops and I am prayerful for many more, for the mountain tops would not be as sweet if there were no valleys to make me truly appreciate the view from the top.

I wanted to do some kind of year in review but really there is just so much going on in my life now that I don’t even really have time to look back at this year through blog. Hell I barely have time (or should I say desire) to read all the blogs I want to. The reason started with today’s very special anniversary is because 2009 is my tipping point. In 2009 I will have been newly single longer than I was married. Anyway here is a 2008 OG year in review, the Cliff Notes version.

I spent 8 months of my 2008 in a different part of the country and well I have to say it was one of the best experiences of my life. I learned a lot about life, love, and happiness.

In 2008 I have grown so much. This time last year things were just all over the place I had just got through some tough emotional times, but they made me stronger and looking back with out those times I don’t know if I would have been able to survive Boston if I hadn’t gone through what I went through. The growing pains I went through last year prepared me for so many things I had to deal with in Boston.

(The Object of My Affection)
Well, in 2008 I moved in a new space with TOM A, however at this time last year TOM A and I had only started talking again after 3 months of very limited contact. The ups and downs of TOM A’s life combined with my Boston tour helped us find out what works for us, which is very different than your average couple. We still are learning and growing but I am happy with it. I love him and I will always love him. As we both say we are us and we are not defined by what others THINK we should look like. We are whatever we are.


I don’t really make resolutions. However I do make goals and try to set realistic time tables to get to those goals. Most of the goals I made I think I have either met or on track to meeting. The biggest goal of 2007 was move into my house, which I did. My goal for 2008 was to get my debt down and I did, even paid off my car (even though I’m looking for a new [to me] one. The goals for 2009 is to continue to live, learn, and laugh. Anything outside of that, I’m not even trying to have.

This has been a phenomenal year for me as a professional. I moved out of the very volatile banking industry into a very stable health care. I also made the transition from Analysis to Project Management. The flatness of the organization will also help me reach my goals of PMI certification and my MBA much easier, or at least I hope so.

2008 made me feel even more blessed to have those around me that I call framily (friends who are like fam). I joined a great group of cyber family and found so many blog favorites I was borderline addicted to blogging. Its cool I have it under control. Really the cyber world was largely responsible for me making it through the really lonely times I had in the Bean and keeping me close to my friends and family who were many many miles away from me.

In general 2008 is wrapping up quite nicely for me. I have been insulated from the high gas prices of the summer ( I was in Boston on the MBTA when gas was high), banking crisis (while working in the banking industry- God is SOOOO GOOD), and Hurricane Ike (although I see the rebuilding that is STILL happening months later). I am blessed. I am happy. I am God’s child. I really am so grateful and excited for what 2009 has in store for me. I am on the back end of my thirties. I think the ride to 40 should be LOTS of fun!

What about you? How was your 2008? Excited about 2009? Tell me!!

Be EZ,

Monday, December 22, 2008

Short and Sweet- My Antithesis

Ok this is going to be short but I am trying to post at least once a week until I get use to being back home. I mean it's just so great to be home. It just feels so right and for me. I am getting into a routine at work and at home. Right now I have moved from just sitting in the house and enjoying it to completely unpacking and finally hanging art and putting final touches on the house. I'm still looking for a couch but I have plenty of time.

This week I will be doing the guest bedroom so that should be fun. I'll try to remember to take a pic once its done. I've also started looking at landscaping books time to add some curb appeal to my little spot. Man if you guys only KNEW the extreme joy I get out of decorating my house and loving my defacto man TOM A, Crys informed me I was in love. HA HA HA!! I am happy.

I have to admit its taken a minute for TOM A and I to figure out how this life works for us, but I think we have. Things seem good and most importantly I am happy.

Can I just tell you that I have done it! Finally broke down and after MANY many MANY many years I am wearing red lips. Well more like wine but red none the less. I have been wearing pinks and nudes so long. I've bought darker lipsticks but not worn them always went back to pink. Something about this winter makes me feel like lots of lashes and dark lips and dark hair.
I know I'm crazy but I love playing grown up! Just for the record I BLAME this red lipstick voyage all on Keisha Cole looking like FIYAH on her CD cover. FIYAH!!

Well its time to go. I have an early morning . Until I blog again....

Be EZ,

Monday, December 15, 2008

Taking Care of #1

So this post was inspired by Smokie’s post on facing your denial and going for what you want. This came on the heels of reading Lisa’s post over at Black Women Blow the Trumpet about how we as women need to learn that we should be the first on our list of priorities. Sorry Lisa I haven't had time to weigh in but I will.

Smokie talked about her personal journey through denial. Realizing that she really did want the things she had convinced herself she didn’t want or need. The post made me think of he OG before she was married, divorced and 35. That OG never really had a problem identifying how she wanted to live or what she wanted. Or so I thought. What I found out with age that many of the things I thought I wanted were programmed in me.

Programmed, many of the things I wanted I wanted because I had been raised to believe that was what I was supposed to want. Many of things I did because I was expected to do them as a productive member of society. I went to school, attended church, got a job, and married, because that is what we did in my family.

The reality of the matter was at 26 I had no clue what I was doing because I wanted to do it and what I was doing because that is what I was supposed to do. Because that is what my family expected, because that is what society said would make me happy. What I found out, at the expense of my ex husband was that I am not a traditional kinda girl. That I did not want the traditional life, that I wanted big city bright lights city girl living, that I wanted a real relationship with God not one that just happened on Sundays and Wednesdays, that I only wanted to play with other people’s children and not be anything more than the fun aunt, that I liked to smoke, drink and party past the age it seemed appropriate to smoke, drink, and party.

For me the issue was coming to terms that what I wanted was a break from what black women wanted traditionally. You see my denial was denying myself me, because I was afraid that I would disappoint those who had put so much stock in who I was to become. I guess I would liken it to being Prince William or Harry. Certain things are expected from them because their birth right and the promise they have shown as young men. Same for me. You see I was the first. The first born of the first born and well I was born with the need to meet what was expected of me. My dad use to tell me that if you treat people as you expect them to behave they will rise to the occasion. In my case, I’d have to say it was true. As a precocious child my GG began to expect greatness out of me. It was evident that I was a smart kid so there was never an option, in my mind, to get anything less than a B. It was never an option to do things that those fast girls did.

I was a little different/I didn't do what the fast girls do.

You know I come from a family where irresponsibility was not an option, and unfortunately I didn’t even take my youth to be and do those irresponsible things that most did. As a matter of fact I will never forget a conversation I had with Bus Chick. I had, like every other college student, discovered credit. I was sitting in her apartment and telling her I would have a grand total of $10 left for the next two weeks after I paid my half of the rent and all my credit cards. She looked at me and said, well why don’t you just not pay your CC’s? I had NEVER thought of just not paying my bills or just not being responsible.


When I think of my godparents, who are also my aunt and uncle, they raised my cousin who had Down syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, and Autism. At his funeral people talked about how they had been so dedicated to raising and loving him all 33 years of his life. How they had seen parents of children with far less wrong just drop their kids off at the state hospital and never look back. My aunt responded and said really we aren’t that great, I mean I did what I was supposed to. I never really thought there was another option.

Even now I struggle with what people expect from a 35 year old professional who has what I have to offer. They don’t get my vices or my nontraditional choices in life and love. They think if I was her I would do this. Or think I am crazy for spending that amount of money on hair, make-up, shoes, and clothes. Or that I was crazy to move 2K miles from a home that was barely 6 months old.

You see what I learned from my life before now is that my happiness is important, that my happiness is the most important thing in this world. That if I am not happy, does anything else even matter. I came to realize that my happiness is the key to my progress.

Lisa is so right when she talks about how we as black women have been programmed to put our happiness on the back burner. That somehow there is some kind reward for letting others be happy at our expense. I mean I was a young woman and if I hadn’t had my epiphany I honestly believe that I would have continued through life living a little pink house existent, being a Stepford wife devoid of joy. I mean I would have had happy moments, but I wouldn’t have been full of joy. You know the kind that no one can take away.

Before I made my own decisions, but they really weren’t MY DECIISONS because they were always made with how it would affect other people. These days my focus is making decisions that contribute to MY HAPPINESS. I think if more women really made the decision to put their happiness before that of the other people in their lives this world would be a better place. Lisa mentions in her post that Will Smith said that if he wasn’t happy and fulfilled he couldn’t put that into anyone else and that is why his happiness was always his first priority. THAT’S REAL TALK!

Now, I admit I find myself still struggling with being selfish. That sometimes it feels wrong or awkward to say no, just because I don’t want to. But like all things in life it gets easier the more I do it, and I have put down the nightmare that I would somehow become some vapid, selfish, uncaring monster. I know my DNA will not allow me to just not take people’s feelings into account, but it will allow me to have the balance that I think is necessary to live MY best life possible. The key is not the best but to be the BEST me.

I heard Oprah this weekend speak on her weight gain. And she said something that summed it up. She sad that she had a problem with self-care. I think that is something many women suffer from, especially black women. We need to learn to prioritize taking care of us, it should never come last on our list. I'm working to make my self-care a priority in my life. Its not as easy as one would think, but I'm dedicated to it no matter how much my nature says the contrary.

Well I’m out. Hopefully this will hold you guys for a minute. I even already know what my next blog is. UH OH….I’m almost back in the swing of things.

Be EZ,


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Checkin In!

Well I hope everyone had a nice Holiday kickoff, aka as Thanksgiving. T-day is my favorite holiday by far. I'm doing ok I completed almost two weeks on the new j and so far it's cool. I am cut-off from a lot of the world (blogs, personal e-mail, and IM) but hey that's the way of the world in Corporate America.

Not a lot going on with me, adjusting to being back home and TOM A and just life in general. In my first weeks of being home and working, it seems the same as when I left.

Wow I really don't have a lot to say. I love Houston. I can't believe that 2008 is almost over. I can't believe that its almost 2009 and that we are almost ten years into the millennium. I can't believe I'm three years away from being out of high school 20 years GEEZ!! I can't believe it is NOT butter. HA! HA! I can't believe that I have not been online consistently since I got home. I mean to be honest I haven't even been lurking. But I have been thinking about you...kinda

It snowed here yesterday. Like real snow...big flakes...enough to make snow angels and men and balls and IT SNOWED. Global warming

I promise the next blog will be much better…the question is when IS the next blog. Let me catch up and see what the rest of you are doing and then I’ll be back to weigh in on something. Not really sure what…but SOMETHING.

Be EZ,

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I'm not gone

just grocercy shopping and unpacking and getting back to basics. I will try to get back to you with something once I'm settled. I'm around but not around you know? Talk to you guys lately!!

Be EZ,

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Finally time to make my House a HOME!

Wassup hope all is well, as you know I am counting down the days until I return back to my house in Houston. I coulda swore I took a picture of my house last time I was home, but I can't find it in my phone or my camera, so I guess I didn't. So I have to hit you with the the pics I already have. I need one, current day cause the grass has grown in and the tree is all trimmed up.. oh well, I thought I had one of my house with the lawn in tact but no just crazy construction photos . So here is an old slide show I decided would be cool to share.

Man I love my house. I am the most excited about returning home to make my house a home. I left my house 8 months ago. I had only been living in my house for about 6 months before I packed three suitcases and headed to Boston. Some folks thought I was crazy. Girl you just built that house, now you are going to live in another city? Was the response I got the most often when I told folks I was going to work in Boston. I said well it's only temporary and this job allows me to keep my house, live in Boston, and save some dough to pay for all the new house shyt I had recently purchased MUCH faster than my old job would allow. I firmly beleive in stepping out of your comfort zone, especially professionally. So I did. It seemed more uncomfortable for others than me at times.

Well folks, I am so HAPPY to be coming back to my place. My house is my baby. Here is the background on my piece of heaven. This house represents my new beginning. When I was married we built what I call a box home (major builder with predetermined floor plans etc). When I divorced I decided I wasn't going to fight over the home. So I let my ex live there because it was apparent he wanted to and despite all the extra I had put in my home he wanted it. I left it and said I'll get another one, my own. That was my goal to live in my OWN house with in 2 years of leaving my old one. And well I did it. To me my house signifies that I can do whatever I put my mind to. It shows me I can do it. It shows me all things are possible. And it reminds me of hard work and perseverance.

One day I'll share where and how TOM A and I met, but the more important thing is on our first date, I told him I wanted to build a house and he told me he was a builder and that he built semi-custom and custom homes along with other contractor type things. TOM A found the piece of land my house is on today and his company is the one who constructed my spot. Now his partner left a lot to be desired but in the larger scheme of things I have a house. TOM A actually put me in great position as far as my home's worth and what I paid for it, even in this recessed economy. It is funny because he built my house, not literally but his company built my house, now he has my money and my heart. That was both a blessing and a curse through out the building process. My one year anniversary was this past summer. I think I closed late August and moved in labor day. I can't remember. I do know I closed a few months before my two year divorce-ary (anniversary of my divorce being final 11/17/2005). Its hard to believe that I've been divorced almost as long as I was married.

Anyway I left my house full of boxes only living in a few rooms. I had been in 6 months but was waiting for my bonus to do some major house stuff. I had a list of things I planned on doing with my bonus. Well I got my bonus and quit my job the same day. I basically went to Boston two and a half weeks after getting an awesome review and getting a nice bonus. Since I wasn't gonna be home, I used most of the money to pay off as much debt as I could, move to Boston, and to get my front lawn in order. It was looking a little rag tag before I had that HUGE tree trimmed and new sod put in.

Everything else I put on the back burner. The couch I needed downstairs. I'm still shopping for it and changing my mind about it every week. The backyard privacy fence and landscaping I wanted. The sprinkler system for the front and back yards. The Patio laying and bar-b-q grill buying. . The wing back reupholstery and decorating of the navy guest bedroom. Since I had a house before I had PLENTY to put in the new place I only needed a few things to complete my HOME. But it still sits not completed. This is the slide show of what needs to be done on the inside.


Now that I am almost home, 2009 looks to be the year I finally MOVE IN my house, well unpack all the boxes. I never had a house warming party although I have had a few parties at my place. I need to clean the carpet upstairs and take care of few other constructions things, like painting the downstairs half bath cabinets. I asked them not to be painted because I wanted to try a treatment on them. I still have bookshelves that need to be built for the upstairs landing and books in boxes in my garage waiting for those bookshelves. I also want to hang a hammock in back yard. So my new goal is to have my house ready for a HUGE Labor Day open house kind of party so all my friends and family can just stop in and say hey or visit a while. The backyard should be done by then or that is my goal, to have everything PARTAY ready! I could change my mind. I use to love throwing parties like this but its been a while so maybe I've lost my Martha Stewart mo jo. I think 10 months is plenty of time to catch up and get moved in for real for real and complete the vision of my house I had when I first picked out the plan.

I'm trying to be conservative on what I spend, but for me my home is the only thing I feel comfortable spending on these days. Its my safe harbor and I rather be there more than anything, well unless some other amazing opportunity comes along. I am so excited to get back to the business of making a home. I know it so terribly girlie of me, but what can I say enjoy being a girl!

Be EZ,

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

One state...Two State...Red State...Blue State

Well fam, I am in my last days here in Da Bean. I must say that my time here has been everything. It has been good, bad, happy, sad, I've had joy, pain, sunshine, and rain. I think I have brought a unique perspective to a city that is in some places still covered in past racist residue. Its been a unique journey as a black woman who comes from a place where the residue, well its not residue it still raining quite hard. When you come from a place with lots of cities like this its hard to understand the excuses that are made. However if you are able to live in this city awake and not unconscious you can appreciate it and it can both break your heart.

I went home the weekend after the election and I have to tell you folks who are not from a red state or from a large metro area, there is still sadness. The day after the election my coworkers and I, a white guy and a Indian chick were elated and happy and discussed the historic victory and that day I could FEEL the hope from the time I stepped out of my brownstone. When I returned home back to South Park in Jim's meat market there was no hope. I overheard conversations about how things were going to be worse for us before they got better. Crys text me that she saw an unusual number of people being pulled over. I figured that was the Red State reaction, better get all these niccas rounded up for THAT ONE the uppity nicca gets in office and stops all of this. Red states are playing lots of doom and gloom and calling lots of names and refusing to let children talk about President-Elect Obama in school, it really is sad. However its the little bit of reality that allows me to NEVER FORGET, much like Jews and the Holocaust.

I think blacks from the south who migrate to the bluer parts of the country have a unique view. It's funny because many blacks from more progressive states look down us, don't understand how we live in places where the racial tension is sometimes hostile. They don't understand why we don't get our black gloves on and show these white folks a thing a two. However I think it is the southern black that often realizes the humanity in all. When you grow up black in the south and plan to expand your world the first thing you learn is that there are good folks and bad folks and not all folks believe what the majority does. Or at least that is how it was for me.

I grew up getting back handed compliments, about not being thought of as black. It wasn't until I was older that I really got what that meant. I grew up learning how to make the best of the chances that were given to me. I grew up learning how to confront folks yet retain a certain southern gentility that we southern folks, especially women, are known for. Anyway enough about that these are some of the more random differences I have found living here in a blue state. Some I will expound on others well not so much.

Less eye contact
I knew it was gonna be a fact. Not as bad as NYC but it's not the south. I still smile, I'm a southern girl what can I say!

Easier to get to where you're going
Mass Transit...although I have noticed more access and better service in the less urban black parts of town. However to be fair they're in places where there WAS economic growth before this recession.

Walking is king
I think I will miss this the most. Boston metro is a walking place. Its easy to walk almost anywhere in the raised part of the city, also know as the original city. And its a beautiful walk especially as the seasons change. So many things blooming and looking beautiful. If you have the time you can walk pretty much anywhere in the city. In my part of the city, The South End, I rule the world as a pedestrian. When I even look like I am thinking about crossing the street, cars SCREECH to stop so I can cross the street. Not so much in Roxbury.

SEASONS!! well except winter
I come from Houston, where there are two season hot and rainy, so being able to experience the thaw into spring, summers made for yachting, and the most beautiful vibrant brisk fall I have ever EXPERIENCED has been the best experience ever.

My place
I loved my Boston apartment and neighborhood. I honestly believe IT is why my experience here has been so positive. Location...location...location.

Live and let live
Here there really is a live and let live mentality and while there are people who still harbor prejudices, you feel they are truly relics around here. As opposed to where I from, the hates seems to not get handed down and accepted by the younger generations.

The class divide between blacks.
Its a bit troublesome, but I do see that here. In a place where blacks have been free so long we see some of the same human dynamics we see across the world. We see that money and class will work its way in to the game some way. I'm a girl from the working class who has worked and studied her way into a class, that I'm not so enamoured with. In the south there seems to be less of the talented tenth versus the corner, but here I feel it and well its one of my least favorite thing about being here.

Now for the real scoop

Hmmm the men here in Boston, well the black men, I'll expound on that one in just a bit. They are not as aggressive as where I come from or many of the other places I have visited or just passed through on a travel lay over. I've been quite a few places around this country from New York to Florida to Minnesota to Washington to Hawaii to California to Illinois and so on and so forth. I have to say Boston black men are not that aggressive or maybe I'm just not what they like. I was told by a few dates its because the women here SHUT IT DOWN that they are hard not sweet or gentile or lady like. I think that's kinda a cop out, but I do feel a coldness between the opposite sex here that was new to me. I prefer my country boys (did I mention TOM A is from a small little country town like me, actually smaller than my town if you can believe it.

The other thing is that in Houston I enjoyed a bit of what I call sexual invisibility when it came to white men. Very rarely did I have to deal with flirtatious men from other races well not counting the Pakistani convenience store owners Or maybe I was just so oblivious to Houston white men flirting. Its funny why the black men here seems almost scared the white men left no doubt when they could smell what I was cooking! *lol* That has been fun. I liked it.

For the most part the men have provided me with many colorful stories. I can't wait for TOM A to come up here and weigh in on what he thinks about this place in his short visit here. Should be fun.

That's it for now, although I am going to miss being mistaken for Puerto Rican, Dominican, and Cape Verdean. No one really ever walks up to me speaking Spanish in Houston. I'm not exactly your typical looking Mexican but apparently I fit right on in with these Hispanic and West Indian blacks of Boston real well!

Have a great day and let the countdown begin. 5 days til LIFT OFF!! Houston you about to have a solution...not a problem! The prodigal Glamazon returns!!

Be EZ,

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Tagalicious Tuesday

Well I actually got tagged twice in the past few days one was a very nice award from my favorite scholar folk Raw Dawg B, my scholar warrior!

Thanks and I guess I will be passing this on to my fav five Serious Scribblers. In NO PARTICULAR order.

Raving Black Lunatic


Eclectik - Relaxation

No Regrets

Blackgirl In Maine

and I'm a game changer RULE BREAKER and going for a sixth woman Fungke Blak Chik

Kudos!! You guys really keep me entertained. That includes you too Torrence!!

Speaking of Fungke, she tagged me to share 7 random facts about myself. I have been saying I was going to do a 2008 101 (some of the things I listed well they ain't true about me no more...well the things like going through a divorce and never have lived anywhere but Texas) but this should suffice for those who want to KNOW more about me.

1. I have a 1995 Houston Rockets NBA championship ring with my last name on the side.

No I didn't screw someone or ride the bench back then. I actually interned with the Rockets for 2 years in the Basketball Operations and Media Relations departments. My old boss is the head of NBA media relations now! I could have BEEN somebody. *lol* Anywho the VP of Basketball Operations thought my contribution to the team was great enough to gift me with a ring. I was one of three interns who got one. Just so you know when a team wins a championship E'RRYBODY who works for the organization gets a ring (and to be in the victory parade- hello random people on the floats the world doesn't know) and so do the wives and some other key family members. My ring is the staff version, there is also a wife version (wives can have the top of the ring as a pendant, bracelet, or an actual ring).

2. I hate small talk with strangers

If you know me in IRL this is one of the MOST RANDOM things about me because I love to talk and I love me some people. However I do not like to chit chat in elevators about the weather or grocery store lines about the cover of people. In general I just like to smile real big and say hi. I definitely don't like people starting a conversation with me. Now if I feel like it, well that's different. Anyway I guess I don't like it because to me its not authenticate. I hate fake. I really do. I guess its a good thing I seem to like most folks because when I don't it's hard for me. I don't show disdain but I do try my best to WRAP IT UP...the conversation, pervs.

3. I am allergic to FRESH pears

They make me break out into welts. Like I got beat for calling my mom out of her name welts. It is hereditary. My dad was also allergic to them, unlike him I was adventurous enough to find out canned pears do fine by me. My father wouldn't even look at pears.

4. I have met Beyonce

Sure she was like 16, but I did meet her and the other three, remember back when there were four. Well Juanita (the pastor's wife at St Johns, the Knowles church in Houston) was speaking at my church for a women's event. My job was to introduce Juanita and also make the women's group I was in look younger and hipper. She brought along DC to sing Amazing Grace before she preached. I was with my college sweetie at the time, so we chopped it up with the girls. They were excited because their song Killing Time had just been picked up on the Men in Black Soundtrack. Me and my sweetie both said I think they got a shot. UNDERSTATEMENT of the century! So you see when I say I STANS for Bey I STANS for her. *lol* I know I'm tooooo grown for such nonsense. (Crys, notice the S)

5. I will only work out to music that is performed (don't want to use the word sing cause some of it ain't singing) by fine people or have fine people in the song's video.

Yes I work out to a lot of PERFORMING people. The second clause does help me get some more music in the rotation, after all fine is in the eye of the beholder. Look don't judge I need inspiration to run up one more flight of stadium steps.

6. I have a ridiculous memory

Or maybe its just my friends have really crappy ones. I am the holder of all the useless knowledge and random shyt. Once my friend bus chick's husband asked her had she ever done something and her reply was Hmmmm...I don't remember let me call [OG] and ask her.

It's not photographic or anything but I can learn things fairly quickly and retain that knowledge. Crys is convinced it is my azz that stores the extra stuff other people forget. Not all the time, I recently forgot a face and a name and its been killing me, I TEND to never forget faces or names. Old age is a BYTCH!

7.I use to sing outside my grandmother's house with a stick when I was seven

Along with sell coloring book photos to the neighbors, stick clear straws in ant beds, and build MASSIVE dams as the rain water was running in the sewer. All and all I was a crazy kid. The stick story is so funny because my aunt married (and later divorced) our across the street neighbor. So one day at a family event, I was about 16-17, my uncle called me out on my stick performances. Turns out he would see me from his kitchen window across the street. Never occurred to me that anyone would be paying attention to me. I still remain in that world today, you know the one where it AMAZES me people are watching anything I am doing.


I am extremely uncomfortable with praise. I do not like it. I am not sure why. But I find solace in being EVERY WOMAN its all in me!! *lol* Really I like to do my job well and appreciate when people tell me job well done or good work. However anything over the top. Any the best ever or she's my 10 or Perfection talk makes me uneasy. I guess it's because for me when you get use to hearing that kind of praise it may make you complacent. I spend my life always trying to be better than I was yesterday and if you start to believe you are the best you stop striving so hard to be the best.

Now here is the rest. I want 7 random facts from people that I KNOW will do it, that haven't been tagged already, that I find interesting (some of you I stalk via lurking on your blogs, wishing I was cool enough to be your friends. *lol*), and that I just want to know more about. So will the following please report to the dance floor or blogsphere or what ever just give me 7 RaNDOm facts.

you don't blog enough and your WHOLE life is random shyt...come on SHARE

share some bidness...some RANDOM bidness

I know you gotta a black folks soul like me so I am sure there is plenty of randomness in there.

Blackgirl in Maine
I need to know what kind of randomness spawns when you trek from the Chi to Maine

Chi Chi
I love your life gotta know more...even if it's random

Sane and Single
maybe this will get your posting juices flowing

The Black Barbie
Represent for the young 'ens

Now you know what I want, here are the rules of how it's suppose to go down!!

I can NOT wait to read. Y'all know I'm not working right now. At home packing I need things to distract me from the task at hand!!

Be EZ,

Monday, November 17, 2008

It's a New Day

It's is indeed a NEW Day!!! I love this song. Go Will.I.AM.

Why is this exactly how I felt when I woke up on November the 5th? Now back to packing!!

Be EZ,



Be EZ,

The Horror

I am so happy that I'm terrified.
-Charlotte, SATC Movie

Ok I know these blogs can be a little sappy, but I said I am going to document my happy moments as opposed to my sad one. I'm a journal keeper and the thing I remember about reading old journals is I tended to document the hurts more than any other emotion and even in my early blogging I documented more of the sad times than I did the good ones. I said one of the new things the new more adult solidly 35 me would do, would be to document the happy moments as much as the sad painful growing moments.

So here's my happy business...

Walking in my neighborhood today (pictured above) I picked up my phone to call Mandy. I wanted to tell her how happy I was today.Luckily for you she wasn't available and I NEEDED to get this out in the universe. Friday night we had a fight. I mean all couples do, lord KNOWS couples I'm involved in have them. TOM A and I we don't fight so much, but last night we had a fight. The thing is before I laid my head on my pillow our fight was done. He always knows how to work things out for us. He knows when to push and when to pull and he somehow knows what to say to diffuse the situation and get us back to us. Usually with a word or a gesture or action. It's like he knows what I need, between the lines. And it seems we never go to bed angry. It seems he feels like Crys. Crys believes that a good relationship is one that ends each night with you both in bed butt naked together no matter what happened before then. It's her aim to make every night end that way for she and her man. I think less risque folks call it never go to bed angry and MANY successful couples subscribe to the mantra. If we were a couple, we would. *lol* gunshy folks...I'm gunshy.

It's a bit scary, y'all. Even when we are wrong, we are right. Like I told the girls I am happy...HAPPIER than I ever have been. The thing is like Charlotte I'm a little terrified, because I can NOT imagine a better place to be in life, love, or laughter. It's a good terrified, but terrified still none the less. Life is not perfect but its still good.

Okay that's all, enough of my business...

Thanks for listening.

Be EZ,


Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Weekly Address on You Tube...

He's SO 21st Century!!

That's it carry on!!


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Friday, November 14, 2008

Its Friday lets work our brains a little

Valerie Jarrett leads Barack Obama's influential black advisers
A close friend and confidant of the US President-elect known as "Obama's big sister" is leading a new generation of affluent blacks preparing to ride to power in Washington on the back of his election victory.

So I gave you the above article yesterday and I want to talk about it today. I guess the thing that I find most troubling is that somehow many people believe if the Obama administration is majority black or minority that it is somehow favoritism.

After all no one ever thinks that when an administration is majority white. The thing is that in this country whites are a quickly shrinking majority and secondly jobs in an administration have to do with your affiliation.

As a black graduate from a top tier school (not quite Ivy but one that has the nickname of Harvard of the South) I know there are enough blacks to fill many of the post in the administration and do the job well. As the article says there are tons of black professional groups and alumni associations, especially at schools like Harvard and Stanford. I have a few friends who are graduates of those school professional school who say the alumni associations are the real deal.

The thing is, I don't beleive that Obama plans on a majority black administration, but I do believe if he did whites would assume favoritism which bothers me somehow. I mean before Clinton and W one would be hard pressed to find color in the white house staff except for roles that were historically black. However no one in America ever even question if there were qualified blacks, browns, and women out there.

Some people will say well the country is only 10% black on average, but really I think its more when you add in mixed raced folks who can now claim other. And even so I've worked in a place and been the only one and well that isn't reflective of the country's mix.

Anyway what do you think? Do you think its fair? I mean white people are always complaining about how blacks should suck it up and how affirmative action is not needed, but now it seems that they may be the victims of unfairness, now its a problem. Minorities and women have been crying foul for years and been told suck it up. But now when the numbers or appoints could not be in their favor whites cry unfairness.

Like I said I beleive there are enough black and brown folks to run the administration well. What say you ?

Be EZ,

Thursday, November 13, 2008

One, two, three, four...FIVE

I was going to write a blog about this article but I decided that it might be a good Friday open thread. So read up and let's get ready to discuss it tomorrow.

Today I'm going to talk about an article in Glamour magazine that was featured on the Today show. The segment was a condensed version of what men want in relationships. They came up with these five things for the segment. Not sure what the article said. The segment listed these as the five things men want.

Back Them
Men want a woman who will support them when they take risk.

Let him keep secrets
Allow him to keep things from you, like secrets of his friends or details of boys trips.

Let him have his me time (boys night out)
Men still need connection to their pre-relationship life.

Let him know when he needs to just listen or needs to provide feedback.
Men need to know when you need them to fix the problem you are talking about and when you need them to just listen to the problem.

Give him the freedom to be himself.
Don't try to change the things about him that he views as part of who he is.

I'm not a man nor a relationship expert, but all five of these make sense to me. I would say when I was married I didn't do many of these or at least not all at once or for any sustained period of time. Viewing this list it is everything I do with TOM A.

However I am older now and I know me now and I am more secure. As a younger woman I wasn't secure enough in myself to understand those things. Or maybe it was my sheltered southern upbringing that made me think marriage or relationships could only be one way. I don't know. I just found the list interesting and wanted to know what you guys thought. Is this a good list? What do you women think? Is this how you operate in your relationships?

Tell me I really want to know, especially from people like Keith and Raven who are married and seem to have a pleasant experience under their belts!

Be EZ,

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

No Place Like It

Wassup? I know its been a few days. I was taking a mini-vacay. I had yesterday off to honor the many veterans who fought and died for my freedom. It was a honor and privilege to pay my thanks yesterday by being an American. A Lot of times we forget that our freedom isn't free. And even though, as a black woman, my freedom is not the same as some others I do appreciate the freedom I have and those who have died for it. I have said before even though being a woman in America has its issues and being black in America has its issues there is no other place in the world that I would want to be me. I hope you all had a good Veterans Day and THANK YOU to all the men and women who have served our country to keep our country safe and free.

So I got some news for you. Remember I mentioned I had some news a few weeks back that I was going to share? Well now I can share it. The OG is taking it back to the dirty! Yes you heard it. I am in my last two weeks of New England living. I will be heading back home for good and starting an awesome new job back home in the H!! Yeah! I am so happy to finally head back home. I know home is where the heart is, but to keep it real HOME is also where my house is, my friends are, my family is, and my TOM A is.

Boston really has been a great experience. I have been exposed to a different kind of life. I have to say living here has shown me that for the most part we are all the same, as far as living, loving and laughing. It has shown me what I love about being a black woman from the south and what I don't like about it. It has shown me the freedom mass transit can bring and it has shown me how plain ol' southern hospitality can open doors and charm people right out of their socks.

Living and working in Boston has shown me so much about myself and about people in general. I have learned so much and think it has made me a better person and will continue to make me a better person. It has helped me appreciate where I come from and be even more excited, if that is possible, about where I am going.

This time here in Da Bean was at the perfect time in my life. I managed to miss being affected by high gas prices because I was able to ride MBTA most of the time and zip car the rest. It has given me a new appreciation for walking and close neighbors. Appreciation for people watching and also for me it has allowed me to live a life I never cold have lived in Texas.

I have been exposed to America's birthplace. Stood on a harbor where tea was dumped and walked a trail that Harriet Tubman led many blacks to freedom. I have stood in the same university halls as DuBois and Obama (man I like how that sounds). I have met black people who come from a free lineage, meaning their people were born free way before mine could dare dream. I am in a state that is governed by a black man. I have experienced whites who get their white privilege and don't pretend its in my head. Now don't get me wrong I have also experienced smarter and more clandestine and less detectable racism and sexism. I also have witness the classicism that exist amongst black communities far more here than back home. I have watched many of the talented tenth pretend they didn't have to address the projects of Roxbury or Mattapan. It's all been a learning experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Some of you may know that I started blogging more frequently with my move here as way to keep friends mostly Crys abreast of New England living. Along the way I have watched history unfold from a different spot and its been interesting. I now can compare what NBA championships look like in two spots and what it feels like to be in a blue state when the first black man takes the office of president. Its been a wonderful experience in so many ways that I will never forget.

I will be home just in time for the holidays and I am excited about it. TOM A will be here next week to help me ship the last of my stuff and say good bye to Boston. I will be spending this week taking in some of the things I never had time to do when I was working here. Thanks for taking this journey with me and stay tune for a different kind a journey. It's the first day of the REST of my life! And really for me, THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

Be EZ,

Sunday, November 9, 2008

In Respnse To

I wrote this as a response to Lisa's blog over at BWBTT. I thought I would share. I thik I still have one more election piece in me. Its the one I've been trying to formulate since this all happened I hope to have it for you guys soon. By the time I have it the hoopla will be over, but I kinda perfer it that way, good things come to those who wait right?

Well Lisa, I will start with a comment on another blog I made

Well I always believed it WAS possible. I just didn't know when. For me he has showed many who thought like you that we can and will SUCCEED IN SPITE of all those things many in our community use as an excuse. I love it. From 3/5ths a man to 300plus electoral votes!Our president who’s ancestors where both the enslaved and the enslavers. That was the most powerful statement I heard last night on the news.It’s all powerful stuff and a beautiful story!

To me, the Obama narrative is not about him and about him at the same time. It is about the advancement of our strong and resilient race. It is about the marker in the sand. While I have great faith I understand some folks have been beaten and downtrodden enough that need something tangible to go on. These are the folks that my friends and I discussed, the ones who said THEY won’t let a black man have it. I remember my friends and I saying what THEY is this person talking about and then putting him/her into that he is one of those black folks.

There is Obama who is the first black president and then there will be Obama who is either a good, bad, or mediocre president. He will and has become the iconic figure for change and I don’t think that was an accident, Obama is a smart man he built his brand as any savvy marketing exec will tell you. The thing is it is human nature to admire and unhealthy human behavior to worship. At this point I think I will take Obama replacing Jordan as little black boys grow up, after all the psychosis in the black community will take much longer to get over than the few decades we have invested in it. Lets use the break-up analogy many say it takes the average person half the time they were with their mate to get over them when the separate, if that is a true formula then it will take America 250 years to get over how they have oppressed blacks. So are we substituting one idol for another in some black communities sure, but unlike the old idols of sports and entertainment in trying to emulate him, you will actually free your mind to be yourself. After all knowledge is power, so if young black boys start wanting to be public servants and lawyers and doctors that will force the exposure to the world and to the knowledge that wanting to be a basketball, rapper, or football star never could force.

As far as Michelle, I think the white media is excited by Michelle like they were about Jackie Kennedy Onassis. Its nice to have a young mother in the whie house it helps us all identify. What will she want to do, maybe her causes would be the same as mine if I were the first lady. There is a quiet strength about her that makes people want to know her or see what’s going on with her. I never thought she needed a retooling but I was pleased to see that it was not a major image overhaul. After all she has good bones. Personally the term the best to me has very little to do with creed and degrees and family lineage. I have never been into the black bourgeoisie scene it actually sickens me to try to say if someone is the best to offer because of the family they were born into.

In many ways I think Michelle and Barack are the best we have to offer, because they demonstrate how one builds a family of culture and creed. They show us what the great gandparents of the 4th generation degreed children look like. They are the best because they will create the best. Malia's and Sasha's children will be even better and their grandchildren will be poised to be the very same 4th generation degreed person that you eluded to be better than the Obama’s. Barack has shown he was the best in the fact that there has been no political pundit that has not agreed with how well run and organized his campaign was. They all agree whether they agree with his politics or not he has had one of the best run campaigns in the history of politics and the best in the history of modern day politics.

Thinking they are the best doesn’t mean that others are not the best as well. To me it’s like pretty girls there can be more than one and it’s all subjective and depends on what your criteria is. If all the pomp and circumstance some folks with a lot of money have excites you then no the Obamas are not the best, but if the ability to go from not being allowed in the DNC to becoming the President of the United States in 4 years excites you, you would have to say the he is the one of the best hands down and maybe arguable the best politician of any race. No connections no family ties nothing but a drive and will to serve the people.

If you think it is required to be from money then the Obamas aren’t the best if you think it required to have drive and determination the Obamas are one of the best.

Lastly, I did not cry on 11/4. I didn’t feel overwhelmed. I felt proud to be an American, and unlike many blacks I have felt that pride before. I have often been accused of drinking the kool-aide or whatever you want to call it. You see based on my background I should have never believed Barack was possible, but I believed he was possible even before he ran. I remember telling a date that I believed Senator Obama could do it, at the time he was still saying he wouldn’t. I thought it’s because he wants more experience, after seeing what I seen I know a Barack with more experience may have been able to take more states, well if he’d change that middle name.

I have always believed anything is possible but that is because much like the Obamas I have had doors opened up for me, that not many like us, workign class, have open up. I have benefited from free private education at one of the nation's top unversity and the top in my state, I have benefited from my hard work in my professional life and have been rewarded at almost every step of my journey, so to me an Obama presidency was tangible long before it materialized. I had benefited from the America that many blacks don’t see, the meritocracy, where hard work is rewarded. So I knew if he worked hard he would win.

The thing is I did not cry and was not overwhelmed until…until I spoke with my mother, my mother who went to segregated elementary school in the Jim Crow south in a small rural oil town. My mother who was raised by a step father who loved her like his own but still felt unloved because her real father never called, my mother who’s America was not a meritocracy and her hardwork was often unnoticed. My mother who, until my adult life, thought that America didn’t care about us. That America would find a way NOT to reward us. My mother who even though she watcedh my dad do impossible things at a young age chalked it up to having to sell ones soul or not being good person to get those things. To my mother, I was her mini-Barack showing her as I lived my life and climbed the ladder and traveled to new cities and across the world that things were possible when you really worked hard and set your sites on them. So when I talked to her I felt like this election removed her last doubts about blacks being able to survive in spite of those horrible isms that still exists in a post –Obama world. I cried because I know she thought some things we would be able to do, but for what ever reason she still believed we couldn’t break the glass ceiling on other things, like politics. Barack broke that ceiling for her and I cried because I knew his presidency would impact how she lives her life at 54 years of age.

Ok I’m done, this really should be a blog but this is your topic not mine.


Friday, November 7, 2008

Now it’s OUR Turn


I titled this blog that, because this seems to be the most troubling line on FaceBook to many of those who did not vote for President Obama. I wonder if this phrase would be as worrisome if Obama did not share an African heritage with me and only called women like Madelyn Dunham grandmother instead of having the Kenyan grandmother in addition to a white American. I mean after all I recall heari ngthat line in 2000 when W took the white house from eight years of prosperous Democratic rule. To me it speaks to the racial undercurrent we still have here in America.

A simple phrase which is often used in politics especially when one party has had power in the country for an extended amount of time, has now becomes a phrase that is worrisome to many whites who supported McCain. And I’m sorry but the black in me says it has COMPLETELY to do with race. I mean if John Edwards had won no one would question that, but the GOP has spent so much time race baiting and building fear in communities that don’t have much contact with blacks today, that they believe the Now it’s our turn phrase, is some kind of call to arms for the minorities to rise up.

Which is a funny thought I mean if you are a regular white Joe Schmo (I know I’m tired of Joes too) who lives in a fairly integrated city or has been exposed to enough different people you know that most blacks are like you in the fact the love their children and want to make the world a better place for them, they want to live love and laugh just like you. They aren’t somewhere plotting a revolution or revenge. They just want to be looked at as anybody else. Despite the hundreds years of oppression there is not plan to make the white man pay. There is no posse outside Jasper looking for a white man to drag behind a truck or no group of black men waiting in sheets at the darkest of night to light a cross in some house of whites who have just moved into an all black neighborhood. There are no black people looking to make whites feel like minorities, they will tell you that blacks just want to feel like they belong in a country they helped build and not a country that they belong too. They want to be viewed as equal and when Barack Obama stepped on that stage and gave his VICTORY speech for many blacks America changed. For many blacks the America they been trying to convince there more militant friends of finally showed up for its prime time debut. For many blacks the election of a black man to the highest office of the land in spite of racism, proves that America really is the greatest country on earth.

On November 4, 2008 blacks finally believed in the American dream that many whites take for granted. Of course there are many blacks, like myself, who believed in the dream and the greatness of America before Tuesday. However now it is a fact that can not be argued. It is a fact that can not be marginalized to professional sports, entertainment, or business. It is a fact that in American anything is possible. That in America one doesn’t have to wait his turn. That America is a meritocracy.

Now to address those who are SO TROUBLED by the phrase Now it’s our turn. Don’t be. After all if one was to dissect the phrase it makes perfect and logical sense and could have been applied to any candidate who ran the same historical campaign as President-elect Obama. After all .OUR.can be used to refer to the millions of first time voters, now it is their turn to be involved in their country’s government. It refers to the young voters who turned came in record numbers and grew their presence in the electorate by several percentage points. It refers to the immigrants who came to this country for a better future and voted as naturalized citizens for a first generation Kenyan immigrant. It refers to all the Hawaiians who now have their native son in office no longer feeling like merely the mainland’s afterthought and vacation spot. It refers to all minorities who felt not quite American. And of course it refers to black Americans who ancestors where brought here as chattel.

Now its our turn simply means, now it is our turn to show America and the world how great this country and that we are the land of dreams. It is our turn to try our ideas of running the country, after years of watching a country being run by men who didn’t share our values or respect our input we now will show them how to run an inclusive government. We will now show them what we have been talking about.

If Now it’s our turn. bothers you maybe it is because you have a view of blacks as vindictive. Maybe it’s because you think that blacks are somewhere waiting for retaliate and perhaps you have done something or said something that deserves some type of retaliation. However if you are average American who just lives I’d like to think that Now it’s our Turn. simply means Now its our turn to shine, its our turn to show you the kind of government for the people we have dreamed of its now our turn to make America proud. And by OUR I mean every person that cast a ballot for our President, Barack Hussein Obama.

I think right here is where we queue up Lee Greenwood’s proud to be an America.! I wonder what R&B/Hip Hop star is gonna remake that song.

I think Obama sums up masterfully the struggle many whites have with racism when talking about what he said about his grandmother in his Race Speech on a Philly radio station

The point I was making was not that my grandmother harbors any racial animosity - she doesn't. But she is a typical white person, who, if she sees somebody on the street that she doesn't know...there's a reaction that's been bred into our experiences that don't go away and that sometimes come out in the wrong way, and that's just the nature of race in our society

I guess that explains the discomfort with the phrase Now its our turn its just bred into our experiences and sometimes it comes out the wrong way. With that I guess I can not be as offended as I was when I first read the reaction to the phrase it is just the nature of race in our society.

Oh and before you start, his response to typical white person

Well, what I meant really was that some of the fears of street crime and some of the stereotypes that go along with that were responses that I think many people feel. She's not extraordinary in that regard. She is somebody that I love as much as anybody. I mean, she has literally helped to raise me. But those are fears that are embedded in our culture, and embedded in our society, and even within our own families, even within a family like mine that is diverse

That is real talk and that is OUR PRESIDENT!! Loves it!

A few more things

check out this GREAT BLOG by Roger Ebert

Check out this video and VOTE

Thanks for sharing [FUNG'KE] [BLAK] [CHIK]™ !!

Be EZ,

Thursday, November 6, 2008


I still ain't got nothing to say, but I'm working on it and MARINATING in it.

What I do want to say is I wish McCain supporters were as gracious as McCain was in his concession speech. To bad he spent his campaign pandering to much of that element and I beleive that is what contributed to his SMASHING on November 4, 2008. Had McCain been the McCain of 2000 and his speech on election night, he would have definitely given PRESIDENT-elect Obama a run for his money, instead he didn't realize that only a few states still subscribe to rhetoric he was spewing.

I read that his mistake was trying to be a conservative who divided, after all that was not how Reagan won. It was not how W won, lets pretend there was no election stealing, for the sake of my argument.

The thing that I found summed this victory up the most was watching the results coverage and listening to this exit poll result of NC white voters. 24% of those voters listed race as an issue to them. 30% of those voters voted for Obama despite there issues with race. That my friends is the audacity of hope and the hunger for change.

I plan on writing about my feelings about this historical event later. I have some ideas and some comparisons being a red state liberal living in a blue state, actually NEW ENGLAND where this country was birthed and the BLUEST place in the union. New England has no red members in the US Congress or Senate. All 20 representatives are democrats. So you know this is different for me coming from Texas which is one of those conservative STRONGHOLDS.

Anyway hopefully I'll get around to that tomorrow when I am at home in Houston! Yeah going home for my university's homecoming and TOM A.
Be EZ,

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Looks Like We Made It

It's Been A LONG time coming

but a change gone come. I told Smokie yesterday on her blog, my theme for this election was this Sam Cooke song. I told her I prefered the montage of Obama's road to victory with this song playing in the background FAR MORE than as the soundtrack of a gliding Spike Lee Malcom on his way to his assasination.

So now that we got the deep and reflective stuff out, this is in honor of Prince week over on eclectik-relaxation. And well what better song than this one!

Let's go crazy/Prince & The Revolution
Uploaded by gaimon5656

I am really with out words. Our worlds have changed tonight! Our worlds have CHANGED!!!

Governor Patterson put it perfectly tonight when he said If Barack Obama wins we will see the President who's ancestors were the enslavers and enslaved.

Now, I don't think it gets any more American that. He summed it up perfectly for me.

Be EZ, like our president-elect



The thing is I truly believe that healthy is different for every one. And I am going to not try to get way to deep on this one because I think a healthy relationship is simple. I think a healthy relationship has to be one in which YOU are happy. Not all the times, but a good amount of time. A healthy relationship has to be the relationship that fits what you want for you and yours. And as I learned the hard way one person’s healthy is another person wildly dysfunctional.

The thing I have learned, and I am learning, is in order to be in a healthy relationship you must first KNOW what you want and then secondly be able to communicate to those looking to fill the position about what you are looking for. It’s just like when you interview for a job there is a job description that goes with the job at hand. You also have to be willing to know when you are being unreasonable or when you are the one changing up the description on folks.

If being taken care of is what you want then you are never going to be in a healthy (happy) relationship with a man who can not take care of you. Not even for one second.

If laughter is important to you then you are never going to be in a healthy relationship with a man who has no sense of humor.

If being an equal contributor to the partnership is primary to you, you will never be in a healthy relationship with a man who believes you are secondary as his mate.

Hell, if you like to get your Bobby Brown on you are never going to be in a healthy relationship with a man that won’t even take an Advil or walk through a smoky room.

For me when I think about the healthiest relationships I have had in my life (romantic and platonic) and the thing that they had in common were that they were what I wanted. Now sure this whole healthy what you want theory is predicated on the assumption that you are a healthy person. That you know what your flaws are, that you know what a healthy you wants, and you know the difference between help and enabling.

I think KNOWING who you are is the start to building all healthy relationships.

So the thing that I find the most comforting in building this relationship is that TOM A is truly a sounding board for me. He is honest. He doesn’t judge and for the first time I feel it is ok to be imperfect. The fact that he views me as being perfectly human is what I love most about our friendship and will be the foundation of any relationship we build. The fact that we love each other and our relationship looks NOTHING like a traditional relationship is a testament to my growth as a woman and makes me smile. I am the happiest I have been in a while. The absence of drama even though things are not as he would wish makes me even happier.

What he reminded me of when I told him about being bothered about my unwarranted mistrust of him; this is me and you right now. We can’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow. Which is funny, when he said that it was like being hit in the head with my own words. I thought I am always living my life in this moment trying not to let my past lead me or my future break me but just be present in the NOW. Yet somehow I got so caught up in how great we felt that I became preoccupied with how long this would last. I was completely missing my happy now, worrying about the possibility of an unhappy future.

The one thing being married taught me was that just because society says it is so doesn’t make it so. I mean if that was the case I should still be happily married.

What is healthy really has to do with the people involved, like I have an ex-coworker that swings. This is his second marriage and he is EXTREMELY HAPPY and I would say he and his wife have a healthy relationship, for them. I’m not one of those people who projects society’s mores or what I think is right or healthy on others. If you like it I love it. They have been together forever and are married and besides the fact they like to do God knows what with God knows who it seems like a pretty normal marriage.

I said all this to say this. You gotta know what YOU WANT and COMMUNICATE THOSE WANTS otherwise you are not going to be able to enter into a healthy relationship. You just gonna be spinning a roulette wheel with your happiness. Nobody wins big on roulette. Do they?

To me a healthy relationship involves team work. To me for better or for worse means there may be a time where something life altering changes if you can work or talk or walk or anything imaginable. If you aren’t a team from jump then well that incident could be the end of you. If you are a team then you are honest. If you are a team then you know how to take help and receive help. Teammates accept each other and learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They capitalize on the fact that you have a quick first step or that your blocks lay fools out, or that you cut to left quicker than anybody this side of the mason Dixon. They sometimes pass the ball and sometimes they catch the ball. However it really doesn’t matter who does the passing, as long as you score. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!

To me a healthy relationship contains two people who are one, just like a team. My victories are OUR victories because we are friends. There’s no I in team. Your mate should be your teammate. I do really think the fact that many straight women don’t grow up playing on teams is a slight disservice to learning team dynamics. After all men grow up that way and we see it in the way many socialize. I think learning what team work really is could help us learn a lot about looking for mates and creating healthy friendships and relationships. Learn about picking up slack and having our slack picked up. Enough!

I just wanted to talk about something besides the obvious pink BLUE elephant in the room today. Plus those two make a great team. I love the fact that Michelle was the BREAD WINNER, making twice as much as her husband at times. However she knew the content of character he had and believed in him.* She was on team Barack and never stopped rooting for her Pumsky. Just for the record so am I!**

What say you, is healthy in the eye of the beholder or is it a standard we have to meet?

Happy Election Day!!

People often say that, in a democracy, decisions are made by a majority of the people. Of course, that is not true. Decisions are made by a majority of those who make themselves heard and who vote -- a very different thing. - Walter H. Judd

Be EZ,

* I stress content of character please don't use the last part to support some man who's only content of character is OE and the meat loaf you cooked last night. And put some kind of timetable on getting on your feet or whatever. This is a double edge sword so don't go playing this invest in a man game too many times. *lol*

**I had to make the obligatory Barack Obama tie in. It is election day! Here are some quotes about election day, sorry that's all the election day hoorah I'm giving you, I've voted now its time to see what this election do.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

OK Chior...

OK just in case you didn't understand...

For those who are musically inclined

I vote because my many of my ancestors were not allowed to even after they were given the right. Jim Crow often blocked the entrance to the polls and voting booth where I'm from. So if you haven't already, VOTE Tuesday. It's time to make that change!!

Be EZ,

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Happy Birthday Rosa!

Today is the birthday of the daughter of one of my bestest friends in the world. Today is Rosa Caroline's first birthday!Its kinda hard to beleive that one of us is now the mother of a one year old! We've come a long way baby!!

Rosa is named after two GREAT women, Ms Rosa Parks and her maternal grandmother, Caroline. I won't get to meet her until next summer, scheduling conflicts are preventing me from attending her fabulous birthday party. But I did send some pretty cool gifts if Auntie OG can say so herself!

So I'd just like to wish the family a Happy Birthday.

Rosa and mom looking like golden brown fried shrimp

Happy Birthday RC Cola
(she doesn't know that I'm gonna call her that!)

aka bus chicklet, formerly know as bus baby, but she is not a baby ANY MORE!!

Be EZ,


Thursday, October 30, 2008

Fresh and Clean! Number One Chick When I Step Out on the Scene!

Ok maybe not really... but in my head I AM! And after all isn’t that what confidence is about, thinking you the shyt no matter what your reality mirror says. So chatting with the crew the other day we were talking about feeling pretty.

I think every woman has her thing that she thinks makes her! You know like you may let a lot of things go but if you gotta bring your lunch and use a metal detector on your couch YOUR [insert beauty vice] is going to be fine! Or when you don’t [insert vice] you don’t feel so pretty or as Crys puts it you don’t fell like Beyonce and I am now going to go a step further and make it an adjective and say you don’t Feel Beyonce or BEYtiful you choose. Insert your favorite R&B Diva if you don’t like Bey.

Anyway I remember when I was younger my mom’s thing was her hair and nails. When I was younger she had two standing appointments hair and nails. She sacrificed so much for her kids but her hair and nails well that was like her vacation or her special treat that made the struggle bearable. The one splurge she got to have.

For me I’m not sure what it is these days. Back in my early to mid twenties it was my nails Always had great nails. And as much as I love hair and make-up I leave the house with out make-up a lot and I do some times go out with nary a wig on my texturally confused hair. I like lashes but never been attached…I think it’s probably my eye brows. Even when I have to painstakingly grow them out for correction I always try to make sure they are groomed. NOTHING changes a face more than a perfectly arched eyebrow “THE PLUCK” as bus chick and I call it makes a world a difference even on the plainest and un-girliest. And I came to THE PLUCK fairly late in the game but as far as beauty goes I came late to the game on most things besides make-up and clothes.

I always had my own unique fashion sense and I also always loved make-up. However stuff like eyebrow grooming and a good nearly undetectable weave well I was years in the game, definitely an adult woman before I really started experimenting with glamour. I was damn near 21 before I pulled a hair out of my brow, well unless you count that time when I completely shaved my eyebrows off with my aunt’s razor. And my dumb seven year old azz didn’t even know I was walking around looking CRAZY! I was in my early twenties before I really started playing with hair as an accessory, then I met a hair guru from Chicago by way of Detroit, my BFF, and the quest for great hair BEGAN. You know the quest for hair perfection...it don't stop!

Anyway the things that make me feel like the Number One Chick also known as BEYONCE when I step out on the scene. Great hair and by great hair I mean a nice cut and it don’t have to be mine it just has to be FLY-I-I-I-I-I. Pinkie gloss I love very pink lip glosses EXTREMELY pink like cotton candy pink shyt you think some 8 year doe eyed little girl would wear. Bronzer!! I am the queen of it! And mascara.

According to the polls random azz fools in the street gawking and yelling and trying to call my dam near 6'3" azz in heels shawty and little mama jeans and heels are a must for me.They help show my AZZsets, plus jeans allow me to DANCE. lord knows I LOVE to dance!

I once went on a date and old boy asked me WHY didn’t I wear jeans. Damn, can't I be cute in a something else. I am not a one trick pony! Funny thing is I only wear jeans when I’m a certain size. I think above that size I look a hot mess think denim wrapped hams in jeans. I think going out in my heels is MOST necessary. I don’t feel right dancing flat footed. You have NOT lived until you dropped it like its hot on a four inch heel or saw my glamazon azz do it. I know why strippers like platforms shoes, not sure why they gotta be clear though.

Anyway what makes you number one when you go out? Is it an outfit? Your hair? Your make-up? Your ride? Your body? I wanna know.

Be EZ,

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Barrys and Sashas and Mavericks OH MY!

So each day I'm working on it, because its preventing me from living my best life. I'm climbing up to the platform. Turning away and placing my arms across my chest. I am trusting him not to hurt me intentionally. I am trusting him to love me as much as he says he does, I am trusting him with me, the little me inside that watches the big me make all the decisions. I'm not quite ready to fall back and not sure when I will be, but I'm climbing to the platform that has gotta count. Right?

Its funny the things I trusted and never doubted HR would do, he did. And I wasn't even devastated but I do think I was affected. I want so badly to fall back and let TOM A catch me and get to have that same cathartic cry of knowing it is ok to trust someone, and I think I will. I just know before I can I have to come to the realization that I trust him completely. Love, love is the easy part I can give that out all day, its the basic tenant of life for me. Loving is the easy part...trust...well that's a different story, but I think I'm ready to at least try. And as they say knowing is half the battle.


First I would like to thank all those who contributed to my soul bearing post that was inspired by the June Boatwright character in The Secret Lives of Bees. I read all the comments and for the most part think most people got me. However I did want to just go into a few more details based on some coments and stuff.

My trust issues, while great to me probably are not as dire as they read. However part of me is always exposing and talking about the parts of me that need tweaking. I always want to grow and be better and do better. To me I know I am not as open or trusting as I use to be, and to some degree I don’t like it, which is why I shared and is the thing the movie brought home to me in my face, you know the part and character I MOST related to. I am by no means walking around clutching my purse, heart, love but I am also not plunking down money on the Brooklyn bridge being as sold by some Idris Elba look alike.

I quoted the last paragraphs because for me they were the ones that were THE MOST important of this post and I like quoting myself makes me feel cool and wanted to make sure that everyone understands I am trusting, but it is hard. TOM A and I have talked and I feel secure and sane and healthy. Something about actually putting it out in the air as opposed to having the conversation in your mind. Not sure how it is for everyone else, but for me what my mind thinks is going to happen in the conversation is usually far worse than the ACTUAL conversation. I do miss the days when my mind couldn’t comprehend or go to scenarios that were so dramatical (I LOVE THIS NON-WORD). However I am who I am and it is what it is. That’s life. And I am sure the loss of the naivety is much better for me as a woman, as a person in genral.

Other Random Things
I’m voting today! Yep!I am probably voting right now as you read this. My absentee ballot came in the mail. I had to a little research on the under tickets, but I am about to place my X’s every where and mail this thing off!! This is so cool, I actually will remember this election and be able to say I was in Boston and voted absentee for the most historical election of MY LIFETIME. It has changed the world no matter what the outcome, but the outcome better be WHAT I WANT!

Boston, being the home of JFK (a president our fair Bare is often compared too), is a kinda special place to be. Boston, being the city where Obama was the first Black President of the Harvard Law Review, has significant relevance in this moment in history. It's kinda cool to me, like I said in Glamazon Glimpse I love living this life each day its kinda cool to see what God is gonna make it do!

I believe in women sticking together and recognizing how much we can learn from one another and asking questions. If you think someone is beautiful, watch them ask questions and see how you can do the same thing, as opposed to comparing yourself to them. That’s my motto.

-Beyonce, November InStyle interview

That is why I stan for her!! *lol*

Oh and this is why I stan for Sasha

Sasha Fierce

That’s all for today. Gotta go Barack the Vote.

SOLID!! Solid as Barack!! *lol*

Oh yeah tonight is the 30 minute BarackOmercial or variety show if he took SNL's idea. I LOVE this taxcut calculator, does McCaint have one of these on his website? No, he has a continuos loop of Maverick the movie running.

I think TBS should have played Maverick all night tonight as a counterad to Barack's closing points. I love that he is such a lawyer, closing points! Still not sure why you should vote for me. Well let me wrap this up...HERE IS WHY you should pick ME!! LOVES IT!

Be EZ,